Mystery Guest in Our House.

Post 205 - - - - - Saturday, 12^th May, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and that
you are enjoying the weekend. I hope all the Mothers
have a very Happy Mother’s Day tomorrow.

Thank you so much for the nice comments and Mothers’
Day wishes. I have my new Laptop but there are quite
a few problems which will hopefully be fixed next week.
The main one being I cannot get on the Internet, so I
am using my old one tonight.

Geoff and Jo arrived last night and we had a nice meal
and enjoyed the evening together. They brought me a
lovely gift for Mother’s Day – a lovely soft new dressing
gown, light blue and also another teddy bear bearing his
own toiletries gifts. Geoff did some work in the garden
and now they are safely home again. Vowing to return in
a fortnight for my birthday, which I did not expect.

John picked up my new computer, an HP as is my first one.
And he set it up for me and tried to get it to work and
last night Geoff had a go also. It needs the experts !!
Very frustrating, as I had hoped it would be right to go.
There are also things on it that I don’t want, and things
I do want are not there. It will work out in the end.

Now to find something to post - - I hope you enjoy this
one called “Mystery Guest in Our House.”

A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger
who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad
was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon
invited him to live with our family. The stranger was
quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the
world a few months later.

As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family.
Mom taught me to love the Word of God, and Dad taught
me to obey it. But the stranger was our story-teller. He
could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventure,
mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He
could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each
evening.

He was like a friend to the whole family. He
took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball
game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies
and even made arrangements to introduce us to several
movie stars.

The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn’t seem to
mind, but sometimes Mom would gently get up - while the
rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway
places – go to her room, read her ible and pray. I wonder
now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave.

You see, my Dad ruled our household with certain moral
convictions, but this stranger never felt the obligation to
honor them. Profanity, for example was not allowed in our
house, not from us, from our friends or adults. Our longtime
visitor, however, used occasional four- letter words that
burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge
the stranger was never confronted.

My Dad was a teetotaler who didn’t permit alcohol in his
home - - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt like we
needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life.
He offered us beer and other alcoholic beveraes often.

He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes
distinguished.. He talked freely (much too freely) about
sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes
suggestive, and generally embarassing. I know now that
my early concepts of the man/woman relatinships were
influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it
was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence
us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my
parents, yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to
leave.

More than thirty years have passed since the stranger
moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. But
if I were to walk into my parents’ den today, you would
still see him sitting over in the corner, waiting for
someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his
pictures.

His name ? . . . . .We always just called him TV.

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Joe has been seeing a pyschoanalyst for 4 years for
treatment of the fear he had monsters under his bed.
It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s
sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and
he knew it. So one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst
and decides to try something different.

A few weeks later, Joe’s former psychologst meets
his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find
him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.

“Doc !” Joe says “It’s amazing ! I’m cured !!”

”That’s great news !” the psychoanalist says. “You seem to
be doing much better, How ?”

"I went to see another doctor,” Joe says enthusiastically,
and he cured me in just ONE session !”

“One ?” the psychologist asks increduosly.

“Yeah,” continues Joe, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.”

“ A behaviorist ?” the psychoanalist asks, “How did he cure

you in one session ?”

“Oh, easy, “ says Joe. “He told me to cut the legs off my bed.”

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McDonald’s Fast Food Job Application. This is an actual job
application someone submitted, AND THEY HIRED HIM.

Name : Greg Bulmash.

Desired Position : Reclining. Ha. But seriously, whatever’s

available If I was in the position to be picky, I wouldn’t be

applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary : $185,000 ayear plus stock options and a

Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible

make an offer and we can haggle.

Education : Yes.

Last Position Held : Target for middle management hostility.

Salary : Less than I’m worth.

Most Notable Achievement : My incredible collection of

stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason for Leaving : It sucked.

Hours available to work : Any.

Preferred hours ; 1.30 – 3.30pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

Do you have any special skills ?: Yes, but they’re better
suited to a more intimate environment.

May we contact your current employer ?: If I had one,
would be here ?

Do you have a car ?” I think a more appropriate question
woud be – “Do you have a car that runs?”

Do you smoke ?: Only when I’m on fire.

What would you like to be doing in 5 years?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks
I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually I’d like
to be doing that now.

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the
best of your knowledge ?:

No, but I dare you to prove otherwise !!

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An Irish man is sitting in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen
walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how
they can anger the Irishman. The first man says, “Watch this…”
He gets up, walks over to the Irishman and says, “hey man,
I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot.” The Irishman just
replies “Oh, is that so now?”

The Englishman goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend
jumps up and says, “ Here, let me try that.” So he goes over to the
Irishman and says, “ Hey man, I hear that your St. Patrick was a
transvestite faggot.” The Irishman only replies, “Oh, is that so now ?”

So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.
When the third Englishman jumps up and says, “Well

now, I gotta try that.” So he walks over to the Irishman and
says, “Hey I hear your St.Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN !!”

And the Irishman replies, “Aye, that’s what your friends
were saying.

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Money isn’t everything, but it ranks up there with oxygen !!

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Bye now Folks – Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers !!!

Take care, Love and Best Wishes to all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 205 - - - - - - Wednesday, 12 th May 2007.

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