Death of an Innocent.

Post 222 - - - Wednesday, 6th June, 2007.

Hello Again my Friends ~~ I woke this morning to the radio
telling me it was zero degrees C, which is about 30F, so we had
a cold start, but the day warmed up to 15C about 60F. We are
getting a lot of these days. It can get colder, but not by much.
I hope you are having warmer weather where you are, and that
all is well in your lives.

I would like to say Hi to Kathy who commented and doesn't
appear to have a blog. Also Hello to Rene from Honduras. I
am glad you enjoy my blog. Strange a 21 year old and I am 73
years old. I guess the jokes are OK for all ages.

Tonight's story is a sad one, but I hope you might like.
It was written by Elizabeth Beeson.

I went to a party, Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom
I heard the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one to pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom , , , ,
I wish you'd get here soon
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I heard the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think that is fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom,
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to Heaven, Mom,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom,
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you,
you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom,
Before I say goodbye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
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One day a man was walking along the beach and came across
an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he
rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie appeared !!

"For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes."
said the Genie.
The man was ecstatic. "But there is a catch," the Genie said.
"What catch?" asked the man eyeing the Genie suspiciously.

The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the
world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for."

"Hey I can live with that. No problem !" replied the man.
"What is your first wish ?" asked the Genie.
"Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari !!"
POOF !
A Ferrari appeared in front of the man, "Now every lawyer in the
world has TWO Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?"

I could really use a million dollars , , ," replied the man.
POOF !
One million dollars appeared at his feet. "Now every lawyer in the
world is TWO million dollars richer," the Genie reminded him.

"Well that's OK, as long as I've got MY million," said the man.
"And what is your final wish ?" asked the Genie.

The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know,
I've always wanted to donate a kidney , , , , , ,"
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List of Politically Correct isms - - - -

vertically challenged - - - short.
horizontally gifted - - - fat.
horizontally challenged - - - thin.
chronologically gifted - - - old
morally (ethically) challenged - - - a crook
folically challenged - - - bald.
musically delayed - - - tone deaf.
codependent - - - finger-pointer.
in denial - - unaware that forgetting something obviously
proves it happened.
economically disadvantaged - - -welfare bum.
sanitation engineer - - garbage man.
motivationally challenged - - - lazy.
outdoor urban dwellers - - - homeless.
aquatically challenged - - - drowning.
differently organized - - - messy.
energy efficient - - - off.
petroleum transfer technician - - gas station attendant.
persons of large stature - - NY Giants.
bovine control officers - - Dallas Cowboys.
residentially flexible - - - homeless.
uniquely coordinated - - - clumsy.
mechanically challenged - - - broken down automobile.
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Next two are from Warren - Thanks Warren. (I think)

Be careful of this new installation !!!!
INSTALLING A HUSBAND.

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance --
particularly in the owner and jewellery applications, which operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, NRL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system, but to no avail. What can I do ?
Signed Desperate.

Dear Desperate :

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the
command : "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0
update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0
and Flowers 3.5. But remember overuse of the above application
can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program
that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs
a virus in the background that will eventually seize control
of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good luck, Tech Support.
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Another Irish Joke from Warren,

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his
drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking
his wife.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could towards the stairs leading to
their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step, As he
caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around
and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each
back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants,
and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut
and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids
and began putting a Band=Aid as best he could on each place he
saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and
stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and
butt and Mary was staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night, weren't you ?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing ?"

"Well," Mary said, It could have been the open front door, it could
have been the broken glass at the bottom os the stairs, it could have
been the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your
bloodshot eyes, but mostly . . . . . It's all those Band-Aids stuck on
the hall mirror."
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That one was easier to type than the Tech Support one.
Just a few quotes to finish - - - -

When you don't have any money, the problem is food,
When you have money, it's sex. When you have both
it's health. If everything is simply jake, then you're
frightened of death. - -James Patrick Donleavy.

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made,
they greatly improve his appearance. - - Henry Ward Beecher.

We are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to
appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we
meet on the way. Appreciation is a wonderful feeling, don't
overlook it. - - - Anonymous.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it
is because he hears a different drummer, Let him step to the
music which he hears, however measured or far away.
- - - Henry David Thoreau.
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Bye for now folks. Take care of yourselves and each other.
Love and best wishes to all. Cheerio for now, Merle.

Post 222 - - - - - Wednesday, 6th June, 2007.
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