What a Grandmother Is.

Post 240 - - - - - - Monday, 25th June, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope you are all OK and that the week ahead
will be good for you all. I am tired tonight, but otherwise feeling
much better. I made a beef casserole in the crockpot and made
some dumplings to go on top and the usual vegetables.

A friend came around this afternoon and put some new washers
in my taps (faucets) for me. I have been climbing the wall lately
turning them off and also on. So I am very grateful to have them
done. I gave this friend several dinners, as I do regularly; he is
like another son. His mother was my best friend until she died.

Tonight's story was written by a Third Grade Pupil and is called
"What a grandmother Is. Hope you enjoy it.

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own so she
likes other people's little boys and girls. A grandfather is a man
grandmother. He goes for walks with boys and they talk about
fishing and tractors and things like that.

Grandmothers don't have anything to do except be there. They
are old so they shouldn't play cards or run. It is enough if they
drive us to the shops where the pretend horse is, and they have
lots of coins ready to make it go. Or, if they take us for walks,
they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They should never say, "Hurry up."

Usually they are fat, but not too fat to tie shoes. They wear
glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and
gums off. It is better they don't typewrite or play cards except
with us.

They don't have to be smart, only answer questions like why
dogs hate cats and why God isn't married. They don't talk
baby talk like visitors do because it is hard to understand.

When they read to us, they don't skip pages or mind if they
read the same story again. Everyone should have one,
especially if you don't have television, because grandmas
are the only grownups who have time.
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Men v Women - ways in which they differ - - -

Relationships :
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her
heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled
"All men are idiots." Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after
the break-up at 3 am on a Saturday night, he will call and say
"I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll
never forgive you, and I hate you and you're a total floozy.
But I want you to know there's always a chance for us."
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Maturity :
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17 year olds
can function as adults.

Most 17 year old males are still trading baseball cards and
giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high
school romances rarely work
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Hats :
Women look good in hats.
Men look like jerks.
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Comedy :
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room,
watching television and an episode of "The Three Stooges"
comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited, they
will laugh uproarishly, and even try to imitate the actions
of Curly, man's favorite stooge.

The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
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Handwriting :
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship.
They just chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their
"i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large
loops on their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note
from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a
smiley face at the end of the note.
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Bathrooms :
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a
towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom
is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
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Groceries :
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things.

A man waits until the only items in his fridge are half a lemon
and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping.
He buys everything that looks good and by the time he reaches
the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's
car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course this will not stop him from
going to the 10 items or less lane.
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Going Out :
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means that he is ready
to go out.
When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be
ready to go out as soon as she finds her other earring, and
finishes putting on her make-up.
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Shoes : When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool
suit and slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress
shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When she gets to work, she will
put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off
because her feet are under her desk.

A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
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Cats :
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but kick cats when women aren't
looking.
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Mirrors :
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in mirrors.

Women are ridiculous; they willl check out their
reflections in any shiny surface -- mirrors, spoons, store
windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.
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Garages :
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their
lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates
in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build
useless lopsided benches in garages.
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Movies :
For women, their favorite movie scene is where Clark Gable
kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in Gone With the Wind.

For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in
Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy."
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Jewelry :
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any
more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
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Plants :
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days
later, to an apartment of dead plants. No one knows why this
happens.
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Mustaches :
Some men looke good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck
and Burt Reynolds.

There are no women who look good with mustaches.
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While hunting, Larry and Frank got lost in the woods.
Trying to reassure his friend, Larry said, "Don't worry
All we have to do is shoot in the air three times, stay
where we are and someone will find us."

They shot in the air three times and no one came. After
a while they tried it again. Still no response. When they
decided to try once more, Frank said, "It better work
this time. We're down to our last three arrows.
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Footballer player wife : I hate it when my husband calls
leftovers, 'replays.'

TV executive's wife : My husband calls them "re-runs."

Mortician's wife : Be grateful. My husband refers to
them as "remains."
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"The guys down at the pub worked out that the postman
had seduced every woman on our street except one."
Harvey told his wife.

She thought for a moment, "I'll bet it's that snooty
Mrs. Jenkins."
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"Why did you marry your husband?" asked the town gossip'
"You don't seem to have much in common."

"It was the old story of opposites attracting each other,"
explained the wife. "I was pregnant and he was not."
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Pleasure for an hour, a bottle of wine;
pleasure for a year, marriage;
pleasure for a lifetime, a garden. Chinese saying.

Success consists of getting up just one more time
than you fall. - - - Anonymous.

Your time may be limited, but your imagination is not.
- - - - Anonymous.

Bye for now my friends, time to call it a day for me.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 240 - - - - - Monday, 25th June, 2007.
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