Monday, September 25, 2006

The Obedient Husband.

Hello everyone ~~ I hope you have had a great day and that
there are more good days ahead for you.  Things down my
way have improved, the wind has dropped and the fires, 32
of them, are all under control.  Quite a few were deliberately
lit, something I cannot understand at all. How can people be
so stupid and cruel.  People lose homes and all their treasured
belongings, not to mention their lives in some cases.
 
Tonight’s story is called “The Obedient Husband.”
 
I had eighteen bottles of whisky in my cellar, and I was told
by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle
down the sink ---  OR   ELSE- - - -
So, I said I would, and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle, and poured the
contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which 
I drank.  I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did
likewise with it, with the exception of one glass which I drank.
 
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured
the contents down the sink, which I drank. I pulled the cork
from the fourth bottle down the sink, and poured the bottle
down the glass which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork
of the next and drank one sink out of it, then threw the rest down
the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the
cork down the bottle.
 
Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and
drank and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied,
I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks,
bottles and sink with the other, which were seventy-nine and as
the house came by I counted them again and finally had all
the houses in one bottle which I drank.
 
I am not under the affluence of incohol, way the by, though
some thinkle peep I am. I am not half as thunk as you might
drink. I fool so feelish, I don’t know which is me, and the drunker
I stand here the longer I get.
 
 That took quite some typing, and I wonder why I bothered !!
 
 More jokes from Warren.  Thanks , mate.
 
  A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how 
 long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
 The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
 "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.  
    
     _______________________________________________________________________ 
 
 
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of 
 Juan Gonzalez.
 "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
 "With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
 "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
 "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."  
          
     ____________________________________
 
___________________________________
  New Sex Study...
  It has been determined that the most used sexual position 
  for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits 
  up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.     

<.><><><><>

A nice little poem called “To My Husband.”


When I am tired, all the rest I need

Is just to sit beside you for an hour.

When I am weary of the trials of life,

Your presence gives me hope and renewed power.

When I am sick of all the petty things

That stunt men’s souls and fill their hearts with fears,

I simply need to feel your hand in mine ---

And I am lifted to the singing spheres.


And some quotes - - -


Lose an hour in the morning and you will be all day hunting

for it. Richard Whately. (Story of my life, Merle).


Time is

Too slow for those who wait,

Too swift for those who fear,

Too long for those who grieve,

Too short for those who rejoice,

But for those who love, time is

Eternity. Hours fly, flowers die,

New days, new ways, pass by,

Love stays. - - - Sundial Inscription.




It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have

limited time on earth --- and that we have no way of

knowing when our time is up --- that we begin to live each

day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

- - - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.


Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a

day in your life. - - - Anonymous.


Bye now, till next time, Take care friends. Merle.


Post 24

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21 comments:

Val said...

Hi, Merle!

I love the story about the obedient husband!

Do you know that it's hard to be the first person to comment on one of your posts? I finally had to click on the title of the post to be able to get to comment. Or is it just me being blind?

Meow said...

Hi Merle, I'm back, but not really !!! We travelled through Shep on Saturday afternoon ... it's such a pretty town. We were on our way from Mildura to Bonnie Doon, where we finished our holiday, due to the strong winds up North, we were unable to stay at Lake Mungo as we had planned ... we were getting sand blasted. Anyway, the winds were horrific on Sunday at Bonnie Doon ... the caravan park lost about 6 huuuuuuuge trees. It was very scary.
HOpe all is well with you. Will be back in the swing of blogging soon.
Take care, Meow

Tammy said...

Loved your post and got a chuckle out of all...Merle I love the way you think and have tagged you with a meme!
Come see me today at Kentucky Gal for the questions...
:-D

Sue said...

Hi {{Merle}},
Gee, glad those fires are coming under control. Loved your Sundial inscription and the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross..
Have a wonderful day!

Gazza said...

I am still laughing at the jokes.

What a great sense of humour you have.

JunieRose2005 said...

:) loved the jokes, as always.

That Sex Study one was very funny!

Junie

Margaret said...

Dear Merle,your jokes have cracked me up as usual, you must have an endless supply for which I am grateful, I can always have a really good laugh. I am glad the fires are under contol at least. Like you I cannot understand the mentality of these people who have no qualms about destroying other peoples property and lives.It just beggars belief. Cheers Margaret

Pamela said...

Merle, I was loosing my equilibrium just reading "The Obedient Husband". My favorite was "the whole in Juan". We have a lot of golfers in the family that will appreciate that one! hehe!

Just tell me Merle, they did discover the error of their ways with the marked X before it was too late!!! If they didn't "smack"! That is awful! Thanks for the smiles!

Tracie said...

Hi merle - finally tracked you down - great blog as usual - have a good week & take care form tracie

Ava said...

LOVE the new sex study!!!

Made me laugh out loud!!!

PEA said...

LOL still chuckling here...love the blonde joke about the airline! lol Where do you get all this stuff Merle? It's always great and makes for such good reading! Hope you never run out of all these jokes, sayings, etc:-) Hugs xox

Puss in Boots said...

Great sex study, Merle lol!

I went to a talk given by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross some years ago. The venue was standing room only and she was electric! Best talk I have ever attended. Her explanations about death and dying are just wonderful. Thank you for the quote.

Hugs to you, my dear friend.

Robyn xoxo

Donnak said...

Very special quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

I hope you are having a great day. :)

LittleJen said...

some funny jokes there Mel, good one.. keep em coming

Michelle said...

Had no idea you guys were experiencing bushfires, i thought it was only NSW. Look after yourself Merle, stay safe :o)

Peter said...

Hi Merle, some more funny stuff!!

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

"The obedient husband" story made me dizzy!

I think I like the sexual posion joke the best--LOL!

Take care, Janice~

audrey` said...

Hi Merle
The joke on the blonde is sooooo funny!
HaHaHa!
Take care =)

Pamela said...

Merle, Too funny, good to hear about the X, but true that being able to convey the message would mean that you were not zonked out. Yikes! Makes me ((quiver)) Have a wonderful day! :)

RANDI said...

I am enjoying your Monday post! I laughed out loud at the jokes--Thanks for the smile!

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