Common English Sayings.

Post 138 - - - - - - Sunday, 11 th February, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~~ How are you all faring this weekend? All enjoying life I hope, and
doing some fun things that you enjoy. I have done a bit of this and that today. My
vegies look OK and we had a very brief shower of rain, which was a shock, but not
near enough to do any good. Just checked the rain gauge and we got 5 mm.s about a
fifth of an inch. Hope to plant some fresh herbs tomorrow. (IF IT'S NOT TOO WET)
Happily, John is home from his long trip, well up into New South Wales, on the coast. He said he got very wet last night and had to stay overnight, not as far along as he hoped. He said the lightning was almost horizontal.

Something different tonight. The following 18 sentences are all complicated ways
of saying common English sayings - - can you decipher them? Answers follow.

1. Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

2. Neophyte's serendipity.

3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green,
biophytic plant.

4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

5. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

6. Freedom from crustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

7. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately decanted lacteal fluid.

8. Eschew the impliment of correction and vitiate the scion.

9. The stylus is more potent than the rapier.

10. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative
manoeuvers.

11. Surveillance should precede saltation.

12. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific ! Fain would I fathom your nature specific!

13. The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal
cachinnation.

14. Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic
diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

15. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be well advised to
refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles.

16. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous
materials, there is conflagration.

17. All articles that coruscate with replendence are not truly resplendent.

18. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

Answers.

1. Dead men tell no tales.

2. Beginner's luck.

3. A rolling stone gathers no moss.

4. Birds of a feather flock together.

5. Beauty is only skin deep.

6. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

7. Don't cry over spilt milk.

8. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

9. The pen is mightier than the sword.

10. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

11. Look before you leap.

12. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are !!

13. One who laughs llast, laughs best.

14. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

15. Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones.

16. Where there is smoke, there is fire.

17. All that glitters is not gold.

18. Beggars can't be choosers.

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Time for some jokes - - - after straining the brain on those.


The first one was sent by my friend Connie Thanks Connie.

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the
judge in Cincinnati, he asked her, " What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of
peaches." The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked how many peaches were in the
can. She replied :6."

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail then." Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, "What is it ?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas !!"

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Customer : Waiter do you serve pigs ?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or a pork chop ?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste ?
Customer : No I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

Customer : Waiter, what is the meaning of this fly in my tea cup ?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? Then why aren't you laughing ?

Lady : Is this my train ?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I meant to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No, Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Wife : Do you want dinner "
Husband : Sure, what are my choices ?
Wife : Yes or no.

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes, Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is an undying love.

1st Thief : Oh ! The police are here. Quick, jump out of the window !!
2nd Thief : But this is the 13 th floor.
1st Thief : Hurry !! This is no time for superstitions.

Teacher : Correct this sentence, " A bull and a cow is grazing in the field."
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve ?"

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all these
wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve ?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am so lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord ?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and all in all, he will give you a hard time. But he will be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy your desires. Yet, he will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. So you'll have to let him
believe that I made him first. So just remember; it's our secret. Woman to Woman."
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My dear friend Jeanette posted this one recently. It is a good one Jan, thanks.

My Rememberer is Broke.

My forgetter's getting better, but my rememberer is broke.
To you that may seem funny, but to me, that is no joke.

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering if I should be 'there'
And when I try to thnk it through, I haven't got a prayer !!

Oft times I walk into a room and say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain, a zero is my score.

At times I put something away where it is safe, but see !
The person it is safest from is, generally, me !!

When shopping I may see someone, say "Hi" and have a chat.
Then when the person walks away I ask myself, "who's that ?"

Yes my forgetter's getting better, while my rememberer is broke.
And it's driving me plumb crazy and that isn't any joke.
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Just a few quotes to finish with - - -

Better to ask twice than to lose your way once. - - - Danish Proverb.

When you fall in the river, you are no longer a fisherman; you're a swimmer.
- - - -Gene Hill.

Perhaps the angels who fear to tread where fools rush in used to be fools who
rushed in. - - - Franklin P. Jones.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- - - - Alfred Adler.

If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you'll find that you've done it. - - - - Pam Shaw.

To err is human; to admit it is superhuman. - - - - Doug Larson.

Bye now folks, take care of yourselves and each other. Cheers, Merle.

Post 138 - - - Sunday, 11 th February, 2007.
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