Saturday, March 03, 2007

Three Old Men.

Post 156 - - - - - - Saturday, 3rd March, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you as we come to the end of another week.
Hard to believe we are into the third month of the year. I am well and have been busy today making more meals to have in the freezer for the days after I get home.

Then I will have more time to visit my friend's blogs and comment. It is so easy to get
behind. I enjoyed watching my football team win another game in the pre-season
matches, and we are in the semi-finals. Wow !! We haven't won many games the last few years. So we are hoping this year will be better. Don't we Val ?

I have a really nice story tonight sent by my dear friend Jeanette. Thanks Jan !!

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting
in her front yard. She said, " I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry.
Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?" they asked. "No," she replied, "He's out."
"Then we can't come in," they replied.

In the evening, when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in," he said. The woman went and invited the men in. "We do not go into a house together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained. "His name is Wealth, " he said pointing to one of his friends, andsaid pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love."
"Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice !!" he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let
him come in and fill our house with Wealth.

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law
was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own
suggestion. "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled
with love.

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife."Go out and
invite Love to be our guest. The woman went out and asked the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.

Love got up and started walking towards the house. The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success, "I only invited Love. Why are you coming in ?"

The old men replied together, "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two
of us would have stayed outside. Since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success !!!

My wish for you.
Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
Where there is self doubting, I wish you renewed confidence in your abiity to work
through it.
Where there is tirednes or exhaustion, I wish you understanding.
Where there is fear, I wish you love and courage. Nice one Jan.
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This first joke was sent to me by my friend Tammy. It is long, but quite funny.
Thanks Tammy.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father
to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to
ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning Ma'am,
I've come to. . . ."
"Oh, no need to explain,"Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed; "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really ?" said the photographer. " Well that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty." "Well, that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and take a seat. After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try it in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. '"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me."

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different psitions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My Goodness, that's a lot," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd like to get it done in two or three minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "Oh, my God !" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consder their mother
was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four or five deep to get a good look." "Four or five
deep?" said Mrs. Smit, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes," the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could harly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith lraned forward. Do you mean they actually chewed on your, ...um...
equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am yes. Well, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod and we can get to work right away. "Tripod ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Oh, yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to
be held in the hand very long."

With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.
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Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. For
their entire adult lives. Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year.
They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other
if there was basball in heaven.


One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory
earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy, Earl awoke to
the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.

"Bob, is that you?" Earl asked.
"Of course it's me," Bob replied.

"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl."
"Oh, that is wonderful ! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
"You're pitching tomorrow night !!"
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The Perfect Man.
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the
taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.
Passenger, "Who?"

Cabbie: Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everthing right - all the time. Like me
coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman
every single time.

Passenger: There are always a few clouds over everybody.

Cabbie: Not Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: Sounds like he was pretty special."

Cabbie: There's more . . . . . .He had a memory like a computer. Could remember
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with, He could fix anything. Not like me, I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger : "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not
like me. I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank never made a mistake."
Passenger: Mmm, there's not many like him around."

"And he really knew how to treat a woman and made her feel good and never answer
her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes
polished too - he was the perfect man ! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: " I married his b****y widow."
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Jesus is watching.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for
valusables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange voice
echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out f his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard
nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the
next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he
heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice. Finally in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes," the parrot confessed, then sqawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?"
"Moses,"replied the bird.

"Moses !:, the burglar lauged. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird promptly answered, "The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus."
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There's one thing worse than being alone; wishing you were. - - - Bob Steele.

Age appears best in four things: old wood to burn, old wine to drink, old friends
to trust and old authors to read. - - - - Francis Bacon.

Must get off to bed now, See you tomorrow, Take care my friends. Love, Merle.

Post 156 - - - - - - Saturday, 3 rd March, 2007.
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10 comments:

Jim said...

Forgot to say last night, our prayers are with and for you for you and that procedure.
..

Rachel said...

Loved that photographer joke!! That was a real knee slapper!!
Great post!

Leann said...

LOL love it.Hi friend God bless,have a great weekend.

Leann said...

Ill keep you in my pprayers my dear.hurry home soon.

Raggedy said...

G'day Merle,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Fabulous Post!
Take care dear friend,
Huggles and Lotsa Love,
Raggery

Christina said...

LOL at tripod joke and rottweiler joke. very funny!

Tammy said...

I'm glad you liked my funny email...I somehow knew you would...lol!!
:-D

Granny said...

Funny as always Merle. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow (which will be your Monday). Best wishes and prayers.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

You're in my prayers and thoughts.
You're in Jesus' very good hands.

Please take care.

(((HUGS))) and much love =)

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle,im here for my daily dose of laughter. good jokes thank you for the link.You will be in my thoughts tomorrow that all goes according to plan.Love Janxxx