Monday, April 30, 2007

Caller ID.

Post 197 - - - - - Monday 30th April, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope the world is treating you all well, and
that life is good. It is OK here, no complaints after the good lot
of rain and Australia winning the World Cup in Cricket.

It has been cool and cloudy here today, so I didn't venture out
of doors for long. Shopping day, tomorrow and I seem to have
the longest list this fortnight. I plan to buy a hock and make
some Pea and Ham soup. You can guess by that, that it is not
as hot as it was a few weeks ago. And the autumn leaves are
beginning to fall. The rain was wonderful, at long last.

I read a tip for treating rose bushes that have Aphids, drape
banana skins over the branches. In a day or so, they should
be gone. Wouldn't you know it, at present, not a sign of an
Aphid to try it out. Thought I would pass it on, anyway.

The story tonight is another sent by my grand-daughter,
Sam and is nice. She also sent the first joke !! Thanks Sam.

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was
working late, and decided to call his wife before he left
for home. It was about 10 pm, but his wife didn't answer.

The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought
it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up
a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he
tried again, she answered right away and he asked her
why she hadn't answered before. She said that it hadn't
rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke, and
went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at church
office, which was the phone that he'd usedon Saturday
night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why
he'd called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking
about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't
answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and he
apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd
to call his wife.

The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday
night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God, if you're there,
and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.'
At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the
Caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God.' I was afraid to
answer !!"

The reason why it showed on the man's Caller ID that
the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church
that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle !!

If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with
a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible
to forget.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you
can look beside you and your Best Friend will be there.

Nobody is perfect, until you fall in love with them.

And the joke -- Don't you just love computers ?

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer and at
the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him
he would now need to enter a password. Something he would
need to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he
would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he
made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by
stating each letter out loud as he typed :

P... E...N... I...S..

His wife fell off her chair when the computer replied :

*** Password Rejected, Not Long Enough ****

Next one sent by my friend Warren. Thanks, Mate.

Three little ducks go into a bar - - - -
"Hey, what's your name?" says the bartender to the first
duck. "Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey ?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles
all day. What else could a duck want ?"

"Oh, that's nice." He turned to the 2nd duck and asked his name.
"Dewey," came the answer from duck numer two.
"So , how's your day been Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles
all day myself. What more could a duck want ?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So I guess you
must be Louie ?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes -- - "My name is Puddles.
One more from John - - -

No Sex Since 1955.

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event hosted by a local arts college. There was no shortage
of extremely young, Idealistic ladies in attendance, one of
whom approached the Sgt. Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sgt. Major, but you seem very serious. Is there
something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little and relax and enjoy."
The Sgt. Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
" 1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everyting so seriously ! I mean, no sex since 1955 ! She took
his hand and led hm to a private room where she proceeded to
"relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest
and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sgt. Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as
being self-evident.

Children have more need of models than of critics.

Count your age with friends, not with years.

Living in the past has a good point -- it's cheaper.

No time is never wasted that makes two people better

The best place to be when you're sad is in Grandma's lap.

When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush
your hair.

Getters don't get -- givers get.

If at the end of the day you feel dog-tired, maybe it's
because you growled all day.

Bye for now -- I hope you all have a good week, and
enjoy your lives. Cheers, Merle.

Post 197 - - - - - Monday, 30th April, 2007.


The Ramblin Irishman said...

I have missed your blogs. You always make me laugh. Puddles indeed. Behave yourself.

JunieRose2005 said...

:) Fun jokes, Merle!

...Hey , I never heard that about banana peels before! Hope I can remember to try it when My roses need it!


RUTH said...

Great computer joke Merle!
Take care

Peter said...

Done, email following, it should all work now.... fingers crossed.

Granny said...

Hi and sorry to have been away for so long.

Now I'll go read the 11 other posts I've missed.

Meow said...

"If at the end of the day you feel dog-tired, maybe it's
because you growled all day." ... I like that one ... too true, I think!!
Hope all is well, Merle, and we get some more much needed rain.
Take care, Meow

Puss-in-Boots said...

Merle! Naughty jokes... but really funny...hahahaha! What a saucy lady you are...teehee

Love ya, though.

Hugs xoxo

Jeanette said...

Hi Merle,very funny jokes tonight, hahahaha
Pea Soup Alans favorite, Ive just made a pot of chicken soup,so will put a couple feeds in the freezer.

No time is never wasted that makes two people better
friends. Take care keep well((Hugs))) Janxoxo

audrey` said...

"Caller ID" is so touching...