Wednesday, May 02, 2007

True Love.

Post 199 - - - - - - - Wednesday, 2nd May, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope everything is going well for you and
that you are well and happy. I am both, with no complaints.
I had an easy day today, as I was tired yesterday after the big
shopping trip and I also did some laundry etc etc.

I plan to make some meals tomorrow as I bought a rolled leg
of pork for a change. I love it with apple sauce. Tonight I
hope to cook a big crockpot of Pea and Ham soup. Yummy!

Tonight I have a story by Helen Keller called "True Love."

An old woman sat on the antique rattan rocking chair. Her
eyeglasses were perched precariously on her nose as she
concentrated on her sewing chore. A gentle breeze swept
the wisp of whitish hair on her temples.

Beside her sat her teen-age granddaughter. She was like a
fresh flower recently bloomed. Without warning she
suddenly blurted out, "Grandma, why is true love so hard
to find ?"

The old woman with a kindly face stopped sewing and
touched her granddaughter's head affectionately. After a
moment, the young girl cuddled closer resting her head on
the old woman's lap. "Listen and I will tell you why," she said.

"Many centuries ago, when the world was young, true love
existed everywhere. It was available for the asking. Because
of this men and women took true love for granted, so God
decided to keep true love." She stopped and smiled as she
gently stroked the young girl's tresses.

"God asked a pair of angels to keep true love. First, they
buried true love in the ground. But man and woman easily
dug it out. Next, the angels took true love to the highest
mountains. But again man and woman easily climbed to
the top. Then the angels submerged true love in the
deepest sea. Man and woman swam to the bottom of the
body of water and easily retrieved true love."

"So, true love is easy to find ?" commented the girl.
"For man and woman will dig, climb and swim."

"Yes, but finally the angels kept true love in the hearts
of man and woman. Since then people have had
difficulty searchng for true love. For they look every-
where except in the one place that should keep it --
the heart."

"The most beautiful things in the world can neither
be seen nor touched, just felt in the heart."

By Helen Keller.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about
who was better on his computer. They had been going at it
for days, and God was tired of all the bickering. Finally,
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run
for 2 ours and I will judge who does the better job."

So down sat Satan and Jesus at he keyboards and typed away.
They moused, did spread-sheets, wrote reports, sent faxes
and e mails. They sent out e mails with attachments. They
downloaded and did some geneology reports and made cards.

They did every known job, but 10 minutes before their time
was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, the thunder
rolled, and of course the electrcity went off. Satan stared at his
blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally clicked
on and each of them started their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's all gone. I
lost everything when the power went off."
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from
the last 2 hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait. He cheated. How did he do it ?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."
Some Rules of Etiquette.

Personel Hygiene :
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alters the taste of
finger foods.

Entertaining in your home :
1. A center-piece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . .no matter how good
his manners are.

Theatre Etiquette :
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after
the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. tests have
proven they can't hear you.

Weddings :
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice of wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
important occasion.

Driving Ettiquette :
1. Dim your headlight for approaching vehicles - even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four -way stop, the vehicles with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back a coffee.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Tips for all occasins :
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to cange the sheets.

Little Roy came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner. His birthday was coming up, and he thought this would
be a good time to ask for what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birtday." Little Roy was a bit of a
trublemaker. He got into trouble at school and at home.

Roy's mother asked if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his
birthday. "Of course, " he said. Roy's mother, being a Christian
woman, wanted him to reflect on is behavior this year.
"Go to your room Roy, and think about how you have behaved
this year. Then write God a letter and tell him why you deserve
a bike for your birtday. Little Roy stomped up the steps to his
room to write God a letter.

Letter 1. Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and
I want a bike for my birtday. I want a red one. Your friend, Roy.
Roy knew that this was not true. He had not been a good boy, so
he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2. Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I would
still like a bike for my birthday.. Roy knew he could not send
this letter either, so he wrote a third letter.

Letter 3. Dear God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year.
I am very sorry and I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike
for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Roy.
Roy knew this was not true and by now was quite upset. He went
downstairs and tld his mother that he needed to go t church.

She thought her plan had worked. "Just be home for dinner," she
told him. Roy walked down the street to the church on the corner.
He went to the altar and looked around to see if anyone was looking
as he bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped
it under his shirt and ran back home. He ran to his room and shut
the door. Roy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 4. Dear God, I got your mama. If you want to see her again,
send the bile. Signed, You Know Who !!

Life begins the day you start a garden. Chinese proverb.

Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven.
- - - Henry Ward Beecher.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full
moon on a dark night, and a smoothroad all the way
to your door. - - Irish toast.

In youth we learn, in age we understand.

There never was a night that had no morn.

Bye for now my friends, Love, Merle.

Post 199 - - - - - Wednesday, 2nd May, 2007


Val said...

The Jesus and Satan computer competition is a hoot!

Susie said...

I love your "true love" story!
Hope you're doing well. That ham and bean soup sounds delish!!

Jim said...

Nice jokes tonight, Merle.
The "Jesus saves" is alright with me.
Now I don't know why "livestock, usually, is a poor choice of wedding gift." At least for farmers it ought to be fine?

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ I truly love the Helen Keller quote "The most beautiful things in the world can neither be seen nor touched, just felt in the heart." Now there is a woman who knows what she talking about! ~ jb///

Lee said...

Another great post, Merle. I'm trying to catch up with everything as my computer was away with the "doctor" today...and boy! Did I miss it!

JunieRose2005 said...


I loved that first story - SO TRUE!


Ava said...

I have really missed getting to read your blog!!!


Granny said...

Hello my friend. Hope all is well with you.