Friday, October 05, 2007

The Ticket.

Post 331 - - - - - Saturday, 6th October, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ Sorry I did not get round to posting last night,
but I couldn't keep my eyes open. Should do better tonight as
I am starting earlier and have caught up on replies to date.

I hope that all is well with you and that the weekend will be a
most enjoyable one. Half over here, but we have Sunday to look
forward to, and the weather has been very pleasant. I spent all
day yesterday washing sheets and towels etc so that is all out of
the way. My Home Care lady will help me remake the beds on
Tuesday morning. On Monday, I have to have an Ultra sound
done on my wrist which has a fair sized lump on it that the
doctor thinks is a ganglion, but we want to be sure.

Couple of photos tonight.



My nephew Marcus and his lovely wife Carolyn. Thanks Marcus for your kind
words on your blog.


John came around on Tuesday to see his cousin Marcus. John is 7 years older.

I have a nice story tonight called "The Ticket" - -Author Unknown.

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down :
73 in a 55 zone. The flashing red in his rear view mirror insisted he
pull over quickly, but Jack let the car coast.

Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?

When his car had slowed 10 mph, Jack pulled over. He slumped in his
seat , doing his best to look bored. The cop stepped out of the car, the big
pad in hand.

Bob ? Bob from church ? Jack sank further back into his trench coat. This
was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his
own church. A guy who happened to be eager to get home after a long day
at the office.

Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, but had
never seen in uniform.

"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this,"
"Hello, Jack.: No smile.
"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."
"Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good.

"i've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules
a bit - - just this once. Diane said something about roast beef and
potatoes tonight. Know what I mean ?"

"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our
precinct."

Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.

"What'd you clock me at ?"
"Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?"
"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you, and was
barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with each ticket.

"Please, Jack, in the car."

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still open door. Slamming
it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no hurry to open the
window. The minutes ticked by as Bob scribbled away on the pad. Why
hadn't he asked for a driver's license ?

Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack
ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the
left. There was Bob, with a folded paper in hand. Jack rolled down
the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass
him the slip. He then returned to his car without a word.

When Bob vanished inside his car, Jack unfolded the sheet of paper.
Wait a minute, what was this? Certainly not a ticket. He began to read:

Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when
killed by a car. You guessed it -- a speeding driver. A fine and 3 months
in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all 3 of them.

I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can
hug her again.
A thousand times, I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I
thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray
for me. And be careful. My son is all I have left. - - - Bob.

Jack shuffled uncomfortably in his trench coat, as he turned to see Bob's
car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared.
A full 15 minutes ater, he, too, pulled away and drove slowly home,
praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he
arrived.
<><><>

Joke time folks - - - First one came from Gwen. Thanks Gwen.

There were two nuns. One was known as Sister Mathematical (SM)
and the other was known as Sister Logical (SL)

It was getting dark and they were still far from the convent.
SM : Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL : It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM : Oh no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.
What can we do ?"

SL : The only logical thing to do of course, is to walk faster,
SM : It's not working.

SL : Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster
, too.

SM : So what will we do ? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.

SL : The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about
what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM : Sister Logical, Thank God you are here. Tell me what
happened.

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us
both, so he followed me.
SM : Yes. Yes. But what happened then ?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could
and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And .???

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear, What did you do ?

SL : The only logica thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister. What did the man do ?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM : Oh. no. What happened then ?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run
faster than a man with his pants down.

And for all those of you who thought it would be dirty - -
Say two Hail Marys !! and pass this one on.
<><>

A few from my friend Sherrill. Thanks Sherrill.

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very sexy nightie, "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing !!
<><>

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway and ran
into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
voice, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery."

The husband said, "Oh, my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff ?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out !!"
<><>

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.
<><>

A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye-sight test. The optician
showed him a card with the letters - -

CZWIXN OSTACZ. "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it ?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy !!"
<><>

A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, he burst into the kitchen. "Careful,: he said.
CAREFUL ! Put in some more butter. Oh my gosh ! You're
cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY ! Turn them ! TURN THEM NOW. We need
more butter. They are going to stick. CAREFUL, CAREFUL
I said. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking.
Never. Turn them. Hurry up ! Are you CRAZY ?
Have you lost your mind. Don't forget to salt them.
You always forget to salt them USE THE SALT.

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs ?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving, "
<><>

A guy walked into a barber shop and asked ; "How long before
I can get a haircut ?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,
"About three hours."

A few days later, the same guy came back and asked "How long
before I can get a haircut ?"

"About two hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy came in and asked the same question
yet again. "About half an hour." The guy left in a hurry.
The barber then turned to a friend and said, "Hey Bill, do me a
favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking
how long he has to wait for a haircut and never comes back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, looking like he had
seen a ghost.
"So where does that guy go when he leaves? asked the barber.

Bill hesitated and then said, "Your house !!"
<><>

A blonde walks into the Police Department looking for a job.
The officer wants to ask her a few questions.

Offider : What's 2 and 2 ?
Blonde : Ummmm . . .4.
Officer : What's the square root of 100 ?
Blonde : Ummmm . . .10.

Officer : Good Now who killed Abraham Lincoln ?

Blonde : Ummm . . . I don't know.

Officer : Well you can go home and think about it and come
back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who
asks if she got the job ?

The blonde says excitedly, " Not only did I get the job. I'm
already working on a murder case. "
<><>

A few more of those crazy questions - - - -

Since when do companies offer you "free gifts." Since when
has a gift NOT been free?

You know the expression "Don't quit your day job ?" Well,
what do you say to people who work nights ?

Why is the O on a phone after 1 and not before it ?

If Mars had earthquakes, would they be called marsquakes ?

Why did Mary own a little lamb ?

Why are Pringles curved ?

Why aren't safety-pins as safe as they say they are ?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but
why can't we run outside naked ?


Well, that is enough for this post. Take care of yourselves
and each other. Spread some sunshine and smiles around.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 331 - - - - - Saturday, 6th October, 2007.
<><><>

8 comments:

Peter said...

Hi Merle, we are back in Brisbane and I'll go home tomorrow, had a good trip, lots of laughs.
Glad Marcus and co. caught up with you, Geelong certainly had a good win once they broke the drought.

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- This blonde is the best yet! I'm going to send it to my sister. [She doesn't do blogs, only BP in our family blogs anymore.]

Thanks for showing the pictures. You do have a nice family.
..

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

Such wonderful pictures of Marcus, sounds like you had a lovely visit! The best of luck with that ultra sound on your wrist, hopefully that's all it is, a ganglion!!

That Ticket story is so very sad, I wish all speeders could read it and realize what their speeding can do to some families. I'm still laughing at the nun joke but I must admit that I now need to say two Hail Marys!! LOL The barber one and the blonde one are also hilarious! hehe

Take care of yourself my friend and enjoy your weekend! xoxo

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I hope your wrist is okay soon.

Loved the jokes, I think everyone who speeds should read that story on the speeding ticket.

Janice~

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. That story "The Ticket" is a good one. There are a lot of drivers on the road who could do with reading that...but some wouldn't care anyway. It'd never happen to them...until it does.

Here's another unanswerable question: Why do people say "to cut a long story short" then proceed to tell the whole story?

Good to see your grandchildren visiting you...lovely photos.

Take care. Hugs xoxo

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Merle,

What nice pictures again.
The Ticket is certainly something to think about.
Love the jokes. SL wasn't known as logical for nothing, was she?

A visit with you is always fun, Merle.

Have a nice Monday.

Blessings,

Renie

Hootin'Anni said...

Merle, Merle, Merle....I need to smile and feel good. And I can always trust coming here. You seem to know just HOW to make me feel wonderful. Today, right from the speeding guy down to the naked statues!!! You're a treasure!!! And, I'm sure you know that. If not....let me tell you again---YOU'RE A TREASURE.

Speaking of cops...I have a good one on a cop in Houston --may I send it to you for your blog? Let me know.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

Praying for your wrist and ultra sound.
Our Lord cares and heals =)