Thursday, October 25, 2007

Use Talent to be Kind.

Post 347 ~ ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 25th October, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you, as it is with me.
I went to my first Computer class last night and enjoyed it very
much. There are only six of us learners and the teacher, so it
gives us all a chance for some individual instructions.

I was not too sure how it was going to be, especially when he
asked what we knew and I said I had a blog. He said, "What's
a blog?" which is hard to believe in this day and age. Then to
further aggravate me ( and about 3 of the others) he said he
did not like Vista. Well too bad, I have no problems with it.

Things improved after that, thankfully and we all learned a
few things. Looking forward to the next 9 lessons.
During a break, I was even able to help a lady who had
trouble even moving her mouse; she was a real beginner.

Tonight I have a story from our local paper, written by
George Deeble, who I have posted before.

Once upon a time, there was a deer which often proved
that the weak can outsmart the strong.

On one occasion, a lion caught him unawares and he
announced that he was about to have him for dinner.

But the crafty deer told the lion that he would be much
better off enjoying a plump grown man for dinner.

The lion's curiosity was naturally aroused and he was
persuaded to follow the deer to the roadside to await
a suitable candidate.

But just as the lion was ready to pounce, the experienced
hunter, who happened by, shot him.

The deer bounded off to safety.
But this was not his day.
Resting by the river, he was attacked by an old crocodile.

With one of his legs already in the croc's mouth, the deer
managed to con him too. "That's only a stick you've got hold
of," he taunted. "See, here is my real leg," he yelled, kicking
his other leg past the croc's nose.

The croc released the first leg to lunge for the second, but
quick as a flash, the deer leapt away.

Proud of his feats, our friend came upon a lowly snail crawling
along at --you guessed it-- a snail's pace.
"Let's race," sneers the deer.
Now the little snail had waited a long time to get back at the
deer, who regularly humiliated him with, "Let's race," taunt,
so he was ready for him this time.

"Okay," he agreed, and off they went.
The deer tore along toward the finish line, but to his utter
amazement when he reached it, the lowly snail was already
there ahead of him. "I can't believe it," he gasped.
"Well, let's see who gets back to the start first."

But when he arrived back at the starting line, there was the
snail, looking quite cool and triumphant.
"Once again," yelled the deer, furious but unwilling to admit
defeat.
Yet once again he found the snail had beaten him to the line.
Dumbfounded, he slunk off, hanging his head.

Much later in the day, two snails met halfway between the
start and finish lines. Grinning broadly, they congratulated
each other. "We got him this time, we did."
You see the two looked so much alike, the poor deer never
realised he wasn't seeing the same competitor at the start
and the finish.

The Bible tells us Pride comes before a fall !!!
<><><>
Some more bits from the paper. When Insults Had Class.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure. - - - Clarence Darrow.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying
I approved of it. - - - Mark Twain.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his
friends. - - - Oscar Wilde.

I am sending you two tickets to the first night of my new
play; bring a friend . . . if you have one.- George Bernard
Shaw to Winston Churchill.
followed by Churchill's response :
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if
there is one. - - - Winston Churchill.

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you
here. - - - Stephen Bishop.
<><>

Signs you're on a "NO FRILLS" Airline.

1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect
a pilot.
4. Before take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your
Velcro.
5. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
6. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
7. The Captain yells at the ground staff to get the cows off the
runway.
8. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says,
"Just once."
9. No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before
your eyes.
10. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off
the plane.
<><>
Some Strange Proverbs.

A dog is wiser than a woman; it doesn't bark at its master.
- - - Russian Proverb.

A drink precedes a story. - - - Irish Proverb.

A drowning man is not troubled by rain. - Persian Proverb.

Every ass loves to hear himself bray. -Proverb Unknown origin.

Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom. - French.

He that marries for money will earn it. - - American proverb.

Lend your money and lose your friend. - English proverb.
<><>

An elderly gentleman walks into a brothel. He marches up
to the Madam and says, "I want a woman and I want her now."

The Madam says, " How old are you ?"
The elderly gentleman says, "I'm 95 years young."
The Madam says, " Gawd, you've had it."
The gentleman says, "Have I ? How much do I owe you ?"
<><>

A young boy went up to his father and asked, "What's the
difference between potentially and realistically ?"

The father ponders a moment then answered, "Go ask your
mother is she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million
dollars and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars, then come back and tell me what
you have learned."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Mum, would you
sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars ?"
The mother replied, "Definitely, I wouldn't
pass up on an
opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his older sister and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars ?" The girl replied,
"Oh gosh, I would love to do that. I would be nuts to pass up
that opportunity."

The boy thought about it for a few days, then went back to his
father . His father asked, "Did you find out the difference
between potentially and realistically ?"

The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we are sitting on two
million dollars, but realistically we're living with two
slappers."
The father replied, "That's my boy."
<><>

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her class of 6 year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy
Father and Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment
that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters ?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy, (the oldest of a
family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
<><>

Several Sensational Quotes - - - -

The only difference between doctors and lawyers is
that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you
and kill you too. - - -Anton Checkhov.

It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It;s
the people who aren't. - - Arthur Gore.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal
desire. - - - George Bernard Shaw.

Asked how many husbands she had had, Zsa Zsa Gabor
said. "You mean, apart from my own !!!"

Now that women are jockeys baseball umpires, atomic
scientists and business executives, maybe someday they
can master parallel parking. - - Bill Vaughan.
<><>

Bye for now, my friends; take care of one another and
try to make someone feel better for having known you.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 347 ~ ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 25th October, 2007.
<><><>




15 comments:

smilnsigh said...

How wonderful that you are taking a computer class. Annnnnnnnnnnd... teaching the teacher a thing or two. -giggles-

Mari-Nanci
My daily photos of my city blog is at
Photos-City-Mine

Leann said...

Hi Merle:as always you crack me up.LOL.the jokes were so funny.loved the snail and deer story to.
my computer is still being a old poo but at lest I can comment and post.but I still cant get to some of my blog friends.
(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
have a great week and weekend.God bless.
say going to computer classes your a smart girl.wish I could take this dang thing in and have someone fix it.

T*mmy said...

I laughed out loud Miz Merle when you wrote that your computer teacher did not know what a blog is...honey before it is through you may be teaching this class...I would not be surprised in the least!!

Have a great day!

Mountain Mama said...

Computer classes are great. I had some a few years back and did enjoy them very much until the instructor got carried away showing us his photography....

Mary said...

A computer teacher that doesn't know what a blog is? That's strange and I agree with mountain t*mmy that you may end up teaching the class.

Great jokes, once again. I enjoyed them all.

Have a wonderful day filled with abundant blessings, my friend.

Mary

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
I thought I would fall out of my chair when I read the 6 yr old reply concerning a commandment for brothers and sisters.

My oh my where did they get a computer teacher who did not know what a blog was? Surely he was jesting.

Take care and enjoy the class.
love and prayers

PEA said...

It truly is hard to believe that a computer teacher has never heard of a blog!! I wonder where he's been all this time! lol I think you're going to love going to this class and will soon be able to teach US a few things:-)

Loved the jokes...the "When Insults Had Class" had me laughing so much, especially the one from George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill! Too funny! As for the No Frills Airline, I think I'll stick with Air Canada. hehe

Take care dear friend!! xoxo

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
Are you sure you shouldn't be teaching the computer class?
I'm sure you could show most of them quite a few things!
Loved the story of the deer and the snails!
Those airline warnings were too funny.
Keep smiling my friend!
xoxo

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Good evening, Merle. Have fun at your computer class. I hope to learn how to keep these weird machines going!

Gledwood said...

What is Vista?

When I 1st did computer class I had such a weird mix of knowledge and ignorance... knew some things... but had no idea that e.g. the string of little pictures crossing the top is called a "toolbar" ... and so on & so on!!

Jim said...

:-)

I Googled 'slappers' and I'm not sure what kind of girls they are yet?
..

Granny said...

I think from what I've heard that it depends on what you're trying to do with Vista. My son loves it.

He said "what's a blog?"

I flew on "puddlejump" airlines here from San Francisco to Eureka, 200 miles but a short trip by plane.

I think it was a 13 seater. When we got on, the pilot moved us toward the back of the plane to balance the weight.

On return, she moved us back to the front.

I bit my nails.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, great news to hear you enjoyed your 1st computer class and you could tell, show him a thing or too also.You gave me a good laugh today with these jokes the dear and the snail, the airlines all the quotes were good.
Did you get that nice drop of rain yesterday, we got enough to water the garden and a little in the tank but we need more.been overcast today but know rain.
Take care Merle enjoy your lessons... Jenxoxo
Btw... my Computers is on a courier, Yipppppeeeeee
thought it might have been here today but looks like Monday at this stage...

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Dear Merle,

That is funny that the computer instructor doesn't even know what a blog is. Oh, do you like Windows Vista? I am going to be shopping for a new laptop soon, and am glad to know you like it.

Good story about the deer!

Love the Classy Insults. Especially the one between George Bernard Shaw and Churchill.

Zsa Zsa's answered tickled me!

I enjoyed visiting with you, as always. Have a wonderful weekend, Merle.

Warm regards,

Renie

audrey` said...

Dear Merle

Was the instructor joking?
He didn't know about blog!!!
We're more attuned than him.

Take care =)