Friday, November 30, 2007

How to Stay Young.

Post 374 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 30th November, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ How are things with you ? All going well I hope.
All OK here, but a scary thought. When I wake up tomorrow, not
only will it be another weekend, but it will be December !!!

It has been another warmish day, 29 C, but tomorrow is the start
of Summer. Tomorrow has a few strikes against it, it seems.
But better to wake up and face them, than the alternative !!

Tonight I have some more from my granddaughter Kate.
How to stay young. Thanks Kate.

1. Throw out those nonessential numbers. This includes age,
weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is
what you pay them for.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, gardening,
crafts, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the
devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimers.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve and move on. The only
person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while
you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your

8. Cherish your health : If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

This may have been written by George Carlin who wrote the Views
on Aging that Kate sent me. This followed after it. I like this one.

Joke Time folks ~ ~ ~

From the local paper ~ If Men Ruled the World !! I thought they did!

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an
acceptable response to "I love you."

When your girlfriend really wanted to talk to you during the
footy, she'd appear in a little box on the corner of the screen
during a time-out.

4. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the
football team of your choice.

5. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

6. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd
jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus
and right into your car like Fred Flinstone.

7. Garbage would take itself out.

8. Instead of "beer belly" you'd get "beer biceps."

9. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would
only occur in leap years.

10. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.

11. COPS TV would be broadcast live, and you could phone in
advice to the pursuing cops. Or the crooks.

12. There would be a device for automatically raised and lowered
toilet seats.

A quick Winter Exercise Program . . . from Connie, aka Meow.

My kind of exercise !!

Take one Weetabix.
Take an Aero chocolate bar.
Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix.

Voilla ! AEROBIX !!
Thanks Connie.

An Australian, Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar.
There was one other man at the bar. He had long hair and a
medium length beard. The three men kept looking at this other man,
for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering
where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried
out, "My God, I know who that man is - - it's Jesus."

The others looked again and sure enough, it was Jesus himself,
sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge, "Hey. Hey, Are you Jesus ?"
Jesus looks over at him, smiles a little smile and nods his head.
"Yes, I am Jesus."

Well the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him, "I'd like
you to give Jesus over there, a pint of Guinness from me. The
bartender pours Jesus a Guinness . Jesus looks over, raises his glass
thanks and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Er, excuse me sir, but are you Jesus?"
Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."
The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over
a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus. As before, Jesus, accepts
the drink and smiles over at the table.

Then the Australian calls out, "Oy, you ! D'ya reckon you're Jesus
or what ?"
Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I'm Jesus."

The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over
a schooner of VB for Jesus, which Jesus accepts with pleasure.
Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and
approaches the three friends. He reaches for the hand of the Irish-
man and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go,
the Irishman gives a cry of amazement, "Oh God ! The arthritis is
gone ! The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle !"

Jesus then shakes the Englishman's hand, thanking him for the
Newcastle.Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock,
"By jove, the migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone.
It's a miracle !!"

Jesus then approaches the Australian who says, "Back off, mate !
I'm on compo !!"

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful , independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted
pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady,
I was
once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell
upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into
the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can
marry and set up house-keeping in your castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my
children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuouslt on a feast of
lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion
cream sauce, she chuckled to herself, "I don't flipping think so !!"

Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him, and patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him todeath. Amen.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need
to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there,
if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me
and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and
decides she wants to buy it. The man rells her that he will sell it
for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest
town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a
telegram to my sister telling her I have bought a bull for our
ranch. I need her to hitch up the trailer to our pick-up truck
and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he will be glad to help her,
and adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well after paying for the
bull, the brunette has only $1 left. She realizes she'll only be abe
to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods and says, "I want you
to send her the word "comfortable" ."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going
to know that you want her to hitch up the trailer to your pickup
truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if
you send her the word "comfortable ?"

The brunette explains, "My sister is blonde. The word is big, but
she will read it very slowly - - :com-for-da-bull" ."

My mate's Mum is a real worrier. If he has a cough, it was lung
cancer. If he had a head cold, it was a brain tumour.
If he told a lie, he was destined to become a politician !!!

A few quotes to finish with ~ ~ ~

Virtue is never left to stand alone. He who has it will have
neighbors. ~ ~ ~ Confucius, Chinese philosopher.

No man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his
ledger. It is the heart that makes a man rich.
~ ~ ~ Henry Ward Beecher.

Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an
individual and of nations alike. ~ ~ ~ Theodore Roosevelt.

We are all manufacturers. Making good, making trouble or
making excuses. ~ ~ ~ H. V. Adolt.

Ethics is not for wimps. It's not easy being a good person. That's
why such a lofty goal and an admirable achievement.
~ ~ ~ Michael Josephson.

Bye for now my friends. Take care and have a wonderful weekend.
Be kind to yourselves and each other. Love and best wishes to you
all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 374 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 30th November, 2007.


Lady Di Tn said...

I thought men did too. That was funny lol.
I liked the blonde joke best and must remember to tell it at the luncheon next Month which is just a day away.
Kate is so sweet to send you such good emails and you are kind to share them with us.
Peace be with you friend and I agree any day is a good day when spent above ground even if you hurt all over at least you know you are alive.

Mary said...

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away."

Loved this and it's very true.

Thanks for sharing.

Leann said...

LOL,you crack me up.the froglegs one is so funny.I love the blonde one,for da bull.Hee Hee.
I have a bit of time so I figured I better do some posting.
I always know I can get a spirit lift from your blog.
God bless you my dear and have a great weekend.
we are about to get a storm soon.the cold has set in and snow is on the way.

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- These sound good. Except I don't know what 'Compo' is.
I hope your weekend is good.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle,Theres a lot of truth, "in staying young".The Aussie on Compo, Lolhard to pick a favorite tonight the frogs legs or the blonde... Take care Merle warmer tomorrow.. Janxoxoxo

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Merle,

Happy December!

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. :-)

Loved How To Stay Young, and I do believe George Carlin wrote that.

I know I will sound very dumb here, dear Merle, but I don't quite get the Jesus joke end. What is "compo?"

Funny jokes. Lots of wisdom, good cheer. That's what makes your place so nice. Have a wonderful weekend.

Warmest regards,


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Kate has offered her elders some excellent advice.

Patty said...

Good morning, cold here 25degrees F. If it should rain, like they are saying it will, we'll either have some snow, or ICE. Glad you are having warm weather, hope it's not too hot. Loved this one on your post.

Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him, and patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. Amen

Sleep well tonight.

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle,

Well, it's now December 1st...that truly is scary! lol As I'm getting older I find the years are just flying by...seems we just started 2007 and yet here we are nearing the end of it. It's -22c (-7f) here right now...that's what I call "stupid" cold! lol

I so loved How To Stay Young...all suggestions that we should all try to follow!! Enjoyed the jokes and quotes as well, especially the Winter Exercise Program, that is too funny! hehe

Take care my friend! xoxox

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

"How to Stay Young?" is so relevant. I love it very much.
I want to stay young =)

Gledwood said...

29c... that is more than a bit warm!!!