Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Have You Been to the Bank?

Post 376 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 4th December, 2007.

Hello there Everyone ~~ I hope the week has started well for
all of you. Mine has, although I have been busy. Today was the
Home Care lady's day to clean the house, and I washed my
sheets and we put clean ones on. They will be nice to get in to
later on. After she left, I got a Taxi and went to have blood tests
at the hospital, then went home and read the papers.

Then had a nice surprise, my neighbour and friend, Lorraine
arrived ready to do some work in the garden for me. So I went
out to pull a few weeds, and to supervise. Tiring work, this
supervising !! Got the washing in and put away, then promptly
went to sleep for awhile. Then did some replying and now we
are up to this. Had a phone call from my son in Melbourne, and
he will be up to visit about the 14th. He will be 50 on Friday.

My story tonight is called "Have you been to the Bank?

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning
with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every
evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use
during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of
course !!!

Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this time you have
failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance, It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no going back.
There is no drawing against tomorrow.
You must live in the present on today's deposits.
Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and
success !!
<><>
The clock is running.
Make the most of today.
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth
to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly paper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting
to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed a train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided
an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won
a silver medal at the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you
shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

And remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present !!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always
want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care. . . . . Author Unknown.
<><>

First joke tonight was sent by my son John. Thanks John.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding . . . .
Older Lady : Is there a problem, Officer ?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Lady : Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Lady : Oh, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one ?
Older Lady : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer :I see. . . Can I see your vehicle registration please ?
Older Lady : I can't do that.
Officer : Why not ?
Older Lady : I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it ?
Older Lady : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what ?
Older Lady : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk,
if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his
car to call for back-up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the
car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half drawn gun.

Officer 2 : Ma'am, Could you step out of the vehicle please?
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Lady : Is there a problem sir ?
Officer 2 : One of my officers told me you had stolen this car and
murdered the owner.
Older Lady : Murdered the owner ?
Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of the car please?
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.
Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am ?
Older Lady : Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2 : One of my officers claims you don't have a driving license.
The woman digs in her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer.
He examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and
hacked up the owner.
Older Lady : Bet that liar told you I was speeding too.

Moral : Don't mess with Old Ladies.
<><>

A few from our blogging friend Jim .Thanks Jim,

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk?"

"Only the Ten Commandments,"
<><>

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the
world today . . . . the Saints and the Ain'ts.
<><>

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with
a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that
read : "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here,
I will miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citaation froma police officer
along with this note : "I've circled this block for 10 years, If
I don't give you a ticlet, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation."
<><>

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question.
"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air.
"He is an artist !" said a kindergarten boy.
"Really, how do you know this ?" the teacher asked.

"You know, Our Father who does art in Heaven."
<><>

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
before a long holiday week-end. The attendant worked
quickly. But there were too many cars ahead if him.

Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend,:"said the young man. I;m sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get
ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same
in my business."
<><>

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about
to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so
the husband rushed her to hospital. He held her hand while she
went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right,
who's the other father ?"
<><>

Just a few quotes ~ ~ ~

He who has health, has hope, and he who has hope has
everything. ~ ~ ~ Arabian proverb.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't
want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather
not. ~ ~ ~ Mark Twain.

Two things are bad for the heart - - - running up stairs,
and running down people.. ~ ~ Bernard M. Baruch.

To get to Heaven, turn right and keep straight; ~ ~ Anon.

Bye for now, my friends. I hope you all have a great week.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 376 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 4th December, 2007.
<><><>


13 comments:

Jim said...

Hi Merle, you are wonderful today! That is a clever idea with the seconds in a day and the bank. Guess we shouldn't be wasting time sleeping too much or other squandering ways.
Thanks for the credit, my friend, John, e-mailed those to me.
I like Mark Twain, one of his books I have been reading for over ten years, off and on. It is on my profile.
Cheers!
..

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

Good Morning, my Friend =)

John's joke is so funny.
HaHaHa!

Take care.
(((HUGS)))

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

:) Well, my favorite of this post is the story about the old lady speeding! :)


Junie

mreddie said...

It does sound like you have a good week started - clean sheets and all. It is good to have help in the garden, those weeds do get onery. Hope your son has a great birthday - 50 seems young to me now. :) ec

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

"Have you been to the Bank?” is a neat story, Merle. Thanks for posting it.

Lucy Stern said...

You are right Merle, Supervising is hard work. I love the story about the bank and time....The clock never stops ticking, just like the ocean waves.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

My week has been good, so far, and I'm finished with my Christmas shopping. Now, just a bit of baking to still do, not too much, for I do not eat a lot of sweets. Just to have some for company and friends.

Nice that you have a helper with the weeding, but even supervising is tireing. Lol

Love,"Have You Been to the Bank?" And friends are the best jewels to have, aren't they?

That old woman joke was funny. And finally, a dumb blonde guy joke! LOL

Love the good cheer I always find here. Have a lovely Thursday dear Merle.

Christmas blessings,

Renie

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle, My Home helper come today also, and im of to have my Blood tests in the morning.I hope all your tests come back perfect.Love the bank story and time stands still for know one..
The old lady gave me quite a chuckle tonight .Take care dear Merle that supervising is hard work..love Jan

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
Hope your blood work all comes back ok. I know what you mean trying to get caught up. I was busy most of Monday and also yesterday. Had way more e-mail message then I realized, and also had a lot of catching up to do with the blogs I like to visit. So glad you had a good day. Have a great visit with your son when he arrives.

Well it's time to start a bite of lunch and I'm still sitting here in my nightgown and jacket.

You had a bunch of funnies again this morning. Love, Patty

Leann said...

that old lady joke cracked me up.and Lord knows I needed a good laugh today.
glad you had someone to help you get your graden in order.they can be nice but sure need a lot of work.
I would like to have one but iam getting alittle too long in the tooth to do the work alone.
((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
have a great week dear.

Mary said...

Merle,

Sorry I haven't been by in a while. Things have been a little hectic here, but are slowing down, I hope.

The time post is excellent. Thank you for reminding us that every second of every day our life passes before us and time should be used to our best advantage.

Blessings,
Mary

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
My little Baptist Sunday School Teacher Sis will love the bank one to use with her little ladies.
Supervising is REAL Hard work but it is nice to have someone to give a hand.
Prince and I got married on your sons birthday. Happy 50 to him.
Now I liked the gas line joke the best and must send it to Father Wiseman. You give me so much to share with others. Thank you.
Question, the top of the blog said Tuesday the 4th but at the bottom of the blog it says Monday the 4th. By my count Tuesday was the 4th and today is the 6th, Right?
Confused in Tn!!!!!
love and prayers

Michele said...

Hi Merle,

I love the bank story. It is so right. Our time is so precious and we often forget to cherish every moment...

Loved the joke about the lady that made the officer look like a liar! Ha! She got him, eh?

Thanks for another wonderful post! You seem to get everything in: Scripture verses, blessings, wisdom, and a few giggles thrown in there, too!

Smiles,
Michele