Old Age is a Gift.

Post 392 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th January, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~~ Tonight I am using a bigger type size as
it is a dull evening here. Bliss, after the hot days, we have
had a short sharp storm with a good shower of rain, our
first since Christmas. The only thing wrong with stormy
weather is the lightning can start fires at this time of year.
There are quite a few in the state, but none near me.

I hope all is well in your part of the world. And I hope
the cold weather is not too depressing for you. Don't go
falling in the snow like my friend Karen . Hope you are
OK. Driving must be pretty hazardous also on snow and
icy roads. Patty I hope you got good news from your
visit to your oncologist, have been thinking of you.

First piece tonight was sent to me by a friend, Linda
who is not old enough to be thinking this way!!

Old Age is a Gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life,
the person I have always wanted to be.
Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body,
the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that
lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!)
but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful
life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.
As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less
critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for
not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko
that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.
I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world
too soon, before they understood the great freedom
that comes with aging.

Whose buiness is it if I choose to read or play on the
computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance
with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60s & 70s,
and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...
I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched
over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with
abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from
the jet set. They, too, will get old.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.
How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one,
or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's
beloved pet gets hit by a car?

But broken hearts are what gives us strength and
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being
imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my
hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be
forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died
before their hair could turn to silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what other people think.
I don't question myself any more.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer the question, I like being old.
It has set me free. I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here
I will not waste time lamenting what could have been,
or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it.)

May our friendship never come apart, especially
when it's straight from the heart.

May you always have a rainbow of smiles on your face
and in your heart forever.
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Quite a few of the jokes tonight were sent by my friend
Sandy ~~ Thank you Sandy.

A Blondes Year in Review.

January ~~ Took new scarf back to store as it was too tight.

February ~~ Fired from Pharmacy job for not printing
labels. Hellooo . . . bottles won't fit in the printer.

March ~~Got really excited. Finished jigsaw in 6 months . .
box said "2 to 4 years."

April ~~ Trapped in elevator for hours . . Power went out.

May ~ ~Tried to make Kool-Aid . . wrong instructions . . .
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

June ~~ Tried to go water skiing . .couldn't find a lake
with a slope.

July ~ ~Lost breast stroke swimming competition . . learned
later, the other swimmers cheated. They used their arms.

August ~ ~Got locked out of my car in rain storm. Car got
soaked because the soft-top was open.

September ~~ The capital of California is "C" . . isn't it?

October ~~ Hate M & Ms. . .they are so hard to peel.

November ~~ Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. . .instructions
said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.

December ~~ Couldn't call 911 . . ."duh". . . there's no
"eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
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Best blonde joke of the year ~~

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went
straight to the mailbox. She opened it and slammed it shut
and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of the house again, went to the mail-
box, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, she went back
in the house again. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box,
opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something
wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is !"
(Are you ready? This is a beauty)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL !"
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Be Careful Out There :
Idiot Sighting :
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repair-
man told us one of our problems was that we didn't have a
"large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute,
and said we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a
1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, "Lady you need a 1/4 horsepower."
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's
not. Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
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Idiot Sighting:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out
window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25,
so I handed her a quarter.

She said , "You gave me too much money." I said, " I know,
but this way you can give me back a dollar bill. She sighed
and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my
request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and
said, "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing."
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents
in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McDonalds.
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Idiot Sighting :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here.
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing
anymore."
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Idiot Sighting in Food Service :

My daughter went to the local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg
lettuce.
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Idiot sighting :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was
for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light
is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people
doing driving?"
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Idiot sighting :

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We
should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at
each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
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Idiot sighting :

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealer-
ship to pick up our car we were told the keys had been
locked in it, We went to the service department and
found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door.

As I watched from the passenger side door, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that'it
was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's
open !" His reply, "I know, I already got that side."
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STAY ALERT.
They walk among us . . . and the scary part is that they
VOTE and they REPRODUCE !!
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Cannibal Team.
Five cannibals got appointed as engineers in a high-
tech company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss
says, "You're all part of our team now. You earn good
money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something
to eat. So don't trouble any of the other employees.

The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, "You're all
working very hard and i'm very satisfied with all of you.
However one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you
know what happened to him?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge or the missing janitor.
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the
others, "Which one of you idiots ate the janitor ?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals
says, "You fool ! For four weeks we've been eating Team
Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice
anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor."
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Yellow, Pink and Green.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed
all the tests. Except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot
qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words,
Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister
Manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green,
and I pink it up, and say "Yellow, this is Mujibar." "

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call centre for
computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
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Mrs Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin when she met Father Flaherty.

The priest said, "Top of the morning to you. Aren't you
Mrs Donovan and didn't I marry you and your husband
two years ago?"

She replied, " Aye, that ye did Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, Father."

Father Flaherty said, "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next
week and I'll light a candle for you and your husband."
She replied, "On, thank you Father." Then they parted ways.

Some years later, they met again and Fr.Flaherty asked,
"Well, now Mrs Donovan, how are you these days ?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father."

The priest then asked, " And tell me, have you been blessed
with any wee ones yet ?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and four
singles - 10 in all."

He then responded, "That's wonderful ! How is your loving
husband?"

She replied, He's gone to Rome to blow out your candle !!"
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Arthur is 90 years old.
He has played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight
has got so bad... once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes, and makes him a cuppa.
As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother
with you and give it one more try?"

:That's no good," sighs Arthur. :Your brother is 103 and he
can't help."
"He may be 103," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf-course with his
brother-in-law,

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the
fairway. He turns to his b-i-l, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did."
"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.
"I can't remember."
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Just a few Mark Twain quotes ~ ~ ~

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows
what a deep debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great
benefactor of our race. He brought death to the world.

Put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.

Familiarity breeds contempt - - and children.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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That is it for this post. I hope you found a chuckle
or two. Look after yourselves and each other.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 392 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th January, 2008.
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