Saturday, March 15, 2008

Just a quick post.

Post 423 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 15th March, 2008.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope you are all enjoying a pleasant
weekend. And your weather is better than before. It's still
very hot here and will be for at least another week.

This morning, John called and took me to get a few things
I needed and then a quiet afternoon. Then a big surprise,
my grandson, Joh arrived to stay overnight. We have been
watching a good movie on TV. "The Longest Yard. " It is
quite funny. Joh is on weekend leave from the Army and
it is nice to see him as always.

Just a couple of jokes tonight ~ ~ ~

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and
drinking a beer when he hears a knock on the door. When he
opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a
clipboard and yelling, "You sign, you sign." Behind him is a
huge truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the
Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign, you sign."
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong
man," and shuts the door.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he
opens it, the same little Chinese man is back with a huge
truckload of brake pads. He thrust his clipboard under
Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign, you sign."

Nelson is getting quite annoyed by now and yells back,
"You've got the wrong man, go away." and slams the door.

The following day, he hears another knock at the door, and
there again is the little Chinese man with two very large
trucks full of car parts behind him, and he is yelling, "You
sign, you sign," while thrusting the clipboard at Nelson.

This time, Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up
the little man by his shirt front and yells at him, "Look, I
don't want these ! Do you understand? You must have the
wrong name ! Who do you want to give these to ?"

The little Chinese man looks at him, very puzzled, consults
his clipboard and says, . . . "You not Nissan Main Dealer ?"
<><>

An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began
sending home money and gifts to her parents.

After a few years they asked her to come home for a visit, as
her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the
family house in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing furs
and diamonds.

As she walked into the house, her father said, " Hmmm, they
seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London."

The girl took his hands and said, "Dad, I've been meaning to
tell you something for years, but I didn't want to put it in a
letter. I can't hide it from you any longer, I've become a
prostitute."

Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over.
The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost his will
to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.

As the priest began to administer the last rites, with the mother
and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered
weakly, "I'm a goner, killed by my own daughter. Killed by
the shame of what you've become."

"Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed, "I only wanted to
have nice things. I wanted to send you money and the only way
I could do it, was by becoming a prostitute."

Brushing the priest aside, the old man sat bolt upright in bed,
smiling.
"Did ye say prostitute ? I thought ye said PROTESTANT !!"
<><>

And a quick one from my friend, Barbara. Thank you.

The Three Dolls in a man's life . . . . . . . .

1. . . . . .His Daughter, "Baby Doll."

2. . . . . His Mistress, "Barbie Doll."

3. . . . . His Wife, "Panadol."
<><>

Bye for now, my friends. Take great care and enjoy
the rest of your weekend. Love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 423 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 15th March, 2008.
<><><>


13 comments:

Gledwood said...

Bloody hell that was quick for you, Merle.

... talking about You Sign You Sign we used to get endless supid salesmen at my old house (8 years ago now) it was a v bourgeois house... full of would-be semiemployed actors, singers, yoga teachers etc (plus my rotter of a landlord who chucked me out for being a junkie. Hmmmmmmmm....)

Anyway we got people turning up at the door saying "analogue television will be turned off in 2 yrs you need Sky (satellite) NOW (rubbish! analogue won't be switched off in London for another 2 years and you can watch digital on a £20 set top box giving a good 30 channels you certainly don't NEED satellite...)

another, because the Conservative govt privatized electricity and gas, turned up saying "you need to sign this for your electricity/gas supply"...

I quickly rumbled him (he was trying to get me to sign a contract with a new company under false pretences) I snatched the form off him and ran inside... he ran after me threatening legal action as "we own the piece of paper" I gave it back

I SO WISH I had just slammed the door in his face and got him the trouble he deserved

all over Britain poor pensioners etc have been not ripped off but confused by these people altering their gas/electric supply without even informing them it is a scandal!

I hope all is well at Merlel Towers! Take care

G
xxxxxxxx

Gledwood said...

ps if you don't want to answer questions about your eyes I respect that I just wondered: your MD: is it "wet" or "dry"..? Are you on Lucentis or anything like that?

There is big scandal in this country as the NHS we ALL PAY TOWARDS... national insurance... is REFUSING to give these 2 drugs... one costs £800 an injection; the other £1500 and you need upto FIFTEEN injections... they won't give it until you've ALREADY gone blind in one eye... How disgusting of them... all of us who know about this are utterly outraged

sorry I don't mean to be too personal and if I am just delete this and don't answer obviously but if you are up for answering I'd like to hear: I worry about you Merle. I hope you are OK

take care

XXXXXXXX

Jim said...

Hi Merle, it is nice for Joh to be able to have leave and can visit you. You sure do have a lot of company!
My vote is for the Nissan Main Dealer because I don't understand it. I hope I won't be awake all night trying to figure it out.
Cheers, Jim
..

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It sounds as if you hand a marvelously grand day, Merle!

Margaret said...

Dear Merle really funny jokes. Glad you had a lovely weekend. Hope the weather has cooled down for you.
Love Margaret

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

How wonderful that your grandson surprised you! I know you had a lovely time together. I enjoyed the jokes very much, as always. I hope your weather will be a bit cooler this coming week. Have a wonderful Monday, my friend.

Love and Blessings,

Renie

Gledwood said...

Thanks for the message I'm glad things are OK. Hey I am listening to your Radio National it's weird because he's saying it's past 11pm it's barely after midday here. I suddenly feel really "international"...

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, What a lovely surprise to have your Grandson Joh call in and stay overnight with you, I love the kids calling in I have Donna's 2 girls staying this week while she away in Qld. at a conference.
Great jokes, I got Nissan Main Dealer.( Nelson Mandela)Hehehehe. Phew another hot day. Take care dear Merle, Love Jan..

LZ Blogger said...

Funny stuff here Merle! When I read the one about the guy's prostitute daughter... I couldn't help thin about the recent New York (EX) Govenor's problems. ~ jb///

Alice said...

Merle - I hope you are surviving yet another warm week. Just when we hoped Summer was gone, it came back with a vengeance.

Just take care of yourself, won't you?

Love your jokes, too.

Pearl said...

So glad you got to spend time with your grandson. Sounds like you were having fun with that movie.

Love your joke about the old man and his daughter. Never expected that punchline.

Hope you have a wonderful week.
Hugs,

audrey` said...

Joh is a very filial grandson =)
I'm so happy for you.
(((HUGS)))

Pearl said...

Enjoy your guests. So happy you are doing well. Enjoy.

Hugs,