Saturday, April 19, 2008

Happy Birthday Ann aka Granny

Post 439 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 19th April, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~~ Good news for my niece Vicki. No surgery for
now and medication to correct things going on in her body. For
more details, see my brother, Peter 's blog, but things are definitely
better than we were expecting,so we are all very grateful and thank
everyone who said a prayer for her.

This photo was taken just over two years ago of the three of us.

It is Saturday here in Australia and my dear friend Ann who we
also know as Granny will be celebrating her seventieth birthday.
I hope you have a wonderful day Ann with many happy returns.
This lady seems to be everybody's friend, so please go visit and
make her day even brighter. Thanks, Friends.

I will go with the Granny Theme with the next item

The Computer Swallowed Grandma, sent by John. Thanks John.

The computer swallowed Grandma.
Yes, honestly it's true!!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely.
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,' 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me !!!

This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been
fearless and . . . . . . .
learned to use the Computer . . . .

They are the Greatest !!!

We do not stop playing because we get old;
We grow old because we stop playing.

NEVER Be The First To Get Old !!

One from Lady Di that I have posted before, but it's a
good one. Many thanks Dianne.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The
animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to
figure what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed
to be covered up anyway.
It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into
the well. At first the donkey realized what was happening
and cried horribly. Then to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down
the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With every
shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing some-
thing amazing. He would shake it off and take a set up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top
of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped
up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off.

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The
trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a
step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy :

Free your heart from hatred - - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - - Most never happen

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less.

Now . . . . .

Enough of that crap . . . . The donkey later came
back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer
died in agony from septic shock.

Moral from today's lesson :

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass,it
always comes back to bite you.

You have two choices, . . . smile and close this page, or pass
this along to someone else to spread the fun.

Time Efficiency.
An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time
management for a company's junior executives. He
concluded the session with a disclaimer: "Don't attempt
these task-organizing tips at home," he said.

"Why not?" he was asked.

"Well, I did a study of my wife's routine of fixing breakfast,"
he replied, a little embarrassed. "I noticed that she made a lot
of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and
the caninets, each time carrying only one item. So I asked her,
"Honey, I notice that you make a lot of trips back and forth
carrying one item at a time. If you would try carrying several
things at once you would be much more efficient."

He paused.

"Did that save time?" one of the executives asked.

"Actually yes," the expert answered. "It used to take her
twenty minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own
in seven minutes."

"Tips for Healthy Living."

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Don't waste time on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually, speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car
by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?
A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetables) And a pork chop
can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable slop.

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A. Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio
is 1 to 1. If you have 2 bodies, your ratio is 2 to 1, etc.

Q. What are the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
A. Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is :
No pain -- Good.

Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you ?
A. You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact they are permeated with it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q. What's the secret of healthy living?
A. Thicker gravy.

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me getting a little soft around
the middle?
A. Definitely not. When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

This one is not meant to offend anyone. It's a joke.

I miss Bill Clinton. Yep, that's right, I miss Bill Clinton.

He was the closest thing the U.S.A ever got to having a black
man as President.

1. He played the sax.
2. He smoked weed.
3. He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him . . . .his wife works, and he gets a
cheque from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking
America's shelves this week with 'Clinton Soup' in honor of
one of the most distinguished men. It consists primarily of
a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor
Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton
replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

Then Clinton revised the judicial oath; "I solemnly swear
to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it
to be, and nothing but what I think you don't need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President
to do Hanky Panky between Bushes.

Where can women over the age of 50 find young sexy men
who are interested in them ?

Try a bookstore under fiction.

How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ husband?

Tell him you're pregnant.

What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

Keep busy. If you are handy with tools, you can finish the
basement. When you are done, you will have a place to live.

A small boy was enjoying building a sand-castle with his father
on thw beach at Bournemouth.

"I'll get some water to fill the moast round the castle." said the
boy and took a plastic bucket and ran towards the sea. He found
it great fun, running in and out of the waves. Then he decided to
collect some shells to decorate the castle.

After fifteen minutes of wandering along the beach, he suddenly
realized that he was lost. Fortunately, a life-guard was nearby so
the small boy went to him and said, "Please can you help me? I've
lost my Dad."

The life-guard looked at him reassuringly and asked
"What's he like ?"
"Beer and curries," replied the boy.

A few sayings to close with ~ ~ ~

Be nice to people on the way up because you might
meet 'em on your way down. ~ ~ Jimmy Durante.

Beginning is easy, continuing hard. ~ ~ Japanese.

Can't see the forest for the trees. ~~ Unknown.

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one.
~ ~ ~ Chinese.

Butterflies come to pretty flowers. ~ ~ Korean.

Confession is good for the soul. ~ ~ Scottish.

Enough for this post. I hope you are all enjoying your
weekend. Happy Birthday again, Ann.
Take care of yourselves and each other. Love and best
wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 439 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 19th April, 2008.


audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

I'm number one here =)

Praise the Lord!!!
I'm so very happy for our dearest Vicki =)))


Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Great News, So pleased to hear Vicki wasnt as bad as 1st thought and hopefully the Medication kicks in fast put her on the road to recovery.

OHHH I love the Computer swallowed Grandma hehehe sometimes I think it has swallowed me. love all the jokes and Quotes..
Im bit slow answering as I have Ron and Irene here for a week or 2 and there just gone to bed and im not far behind them.
so will get here as much as I can,, Take care Merle, Love Janxxxx

Gledwood said...

I'm glad Vicki's better than originally feared.

How on earth do you install pictures 1/2 way down a post? I'm too dur to do that

Lady Di Tn said...

What a great post. The best part is the Good News about Vicki.
The painter are to come next week, so I got out this morning before the rain and cut back the Holly Trees along the back porch. I am now finishing laundry and resting at the computer.

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle,
So happy to hear the good news about Vicki. Hope the medicine works out ok for her. I especially like the tips for staying healthy and the Bill Clinton joke. Think I'll pop up some corn to eat while we watch TV this evening. Have a good night and a wonderful Sunday.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wonderful news about Vicki, Merle!

Happy b’day to Ann.

Kerri said...

Just popping in to say hi, Merle. That's good news about Vicki!
I enjoyed all your jokes, etc. I always get a chuckle out of 'Clinton' jokes. He gave the comics some good material, didn't he? :)
Looks like life is good in your little corner of the world and I'm glad to see that!

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

That is wonderful news about Vicki! And what a nice picture of the three of you.

The Computer Swallowed Grandma is cute! Someone sent it to me in the email as well. But I enjoyed reading it again. Love the Grandma Theme. And great advice on not getting old! And I will pass the donkey storey along. Haha. And good advice on taking a nap! Haha.

I enjoyed the entire post, as usual. The Bill Clinton one is quite funny!

I have been so late reading and commenting, because I have been helping my friend, Eileen. After a month of a cast on her hand that went almost to her shoulder, they have now put on a cast just to her elbow, so I will be picking her up for church this morning. She is doing better, but still has 3 weeks left with the cast, and some pain, because they had to straighten her fingers. So, as I said, I have been very busy.

Thank you for the fun, dear Merle. Have a wonderful weekend, and Monday!

Love and Blessings,


Sioux said...

Hi, Merle. Hope Vicki had a wonderful birthday. Enjoyed the whole post, particularly the story about the donkey.

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
What absolutely wonderful news about Vicki. Your entire family must be breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I sent Ann birthday greetings. So kind of you to let all her friends know!
Loved the tribute to Grandmas and the computer. There are plenty of us out here and having fun with it!
love and ((hugs))

mreddie said...

That was good news about Vicki - hopefully the meds will straighten out the condition forthwith. "Never be the first to get old" - good advice. I may look old but don't feel that way. ec

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I sent Ann an email wishing her a happy B-day, (thanks for reminding me).

My daughter and I loved the story about the donkey, especially the part were he came back and bit the farmer.

Have a great day,

megz_mum said...

Hooray for all grannies who brave the computer/internet! That's a great little poem!