Sunday, May 18, 2008

Giving Up Too Soon.

Post 453 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 18th May, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you are having a great week-
end. It has been raining here most of it, but we badly
needed it. It has been very cold though, and the heater
is working well, thankfully. It makes you think of the
unfortunate people who are homeless or too poor to
have the warmth that they need. I don't know how they
survive and wish there was more we could do for them.

I have a short story called "Giving up too Soon" which
I hope you will enjoy. Author is Unknown.

A man meets a guru on the road. The man asks the
guru, "Which way is success?"

The berobed, bearded sage speaks not, but points to
a place off in the distance.

The man, thrilled by the prospect of quick and easy
success, rushes off in the appropriate direction.
Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT>"

Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned
assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He
repeats his question to the guru, who again points
silently in the same direction.

The man obediently walks off once more. This time the
SPLAT is deafening, and when the man crawls back. he
is bloody, broken, tattered and irate. "I asked you which
way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed the
direction you indicated. And all I got was splatted ! No
more of this pointing. Talk !!"

Only then did the guru speak, and what he says is this :
"Success IS that way, just a little PAST splat."
<><>

Time for some jokes ~ ~ ~
I received some from my friend Kim who was my daughter
Kathy's bridesmaid 21 years ago. Thanks Kim, good ones.

Actual call centre conversations. It takes ALL sorts to
be in this world !!!! The last one is brilliant.

Customer: I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days
and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?
Operator: Where did you get that number from, sir?
Customer: It was on the door to the Travel Centre.
Operator: Sir, they are our opening hours.


Samsung Electronics
Caller: Can you give me the number for Jack?
Operator: I am sorry, sir, I don't understand who
you are talking about.
Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it
clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine
from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now can you give me the number for Jack?
Operator: I think you mean the telephone point on
the wall.


RAC Motoring Services
Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover
me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: Doesn't the product name give you a clue?


Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while
travelling in France) : If I register my car in France,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other
side of the car?


Directory Enquries
Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar
in Cardiff please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there is no listing. Is the spelling
correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be the Bargoed Fish Bar, but
the "B" fell off.


Then there was the caller for a knitwear company in
Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven
in Scotland.


On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing
sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window
to write the number on.


Tech Support: I need you to right click on Open Desktop.
Customer" OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right Click again. Do you see a pop-
up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?
Customer: Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'.


Tech Support: OK. In the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see the OK button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?


There's always one. This has to be one of the funniest
things in a long time. I think this guy should have been
promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word
Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording
monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however he/she is
currently suing the Word Perfect organization for
"Termination without Cause.

Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect customer
Support employee. (Now I know why they record these
conversations.)

Operator: (male) Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may
I help you?
Caller: (female) Yes, well I'm having trouble with Word-
Perfect.
Operator : What sort of trouble?
Caller: Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away.
Operator: Went away ?
Caller: They disappeared.
Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: Nothing.
Operator: Nothing ??
Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything I type.
Operator: Are you still in Word Perfect, or did
you get out??
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Caller: What's a sea prompt?
Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor
around the screen?
Caller: There isn't any cursor; I told you it won't
accept anything I type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Caller: What's a monitor?
Operator:It's the thing with the screen on it that
looks like a TV, Does it have a little light that tells you
when it's on??
Caller: I don't know.
Operator: Well, look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see
that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell
me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: Yes it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did
you notice that there were two cables plugged into
the back of it, not just one ??
Caller: No.
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to go back
there again and find the other cable.
Caller: Okay, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged in securely into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can't reach.
Operator: Uh huh. Well can you see if it is??
Caller: No.
Operator: Even if you put your knee on something
and lean way over??
Caller : Oh, it's not that I don't have the right angle
-- it's because it is dark.
Operator: Dark??
Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light
I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: Well turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can't.
Operator: No? Why not?
Caller: Because there's a power failure.
Operator: A power. . . . A power failure? Aha, Okay,
we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes
and manuals and packing stuff that your computer
came in??
Caller: Well, yes. I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your
system and pack it up like it was when you got it.Then
take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them?
Operator: Tell them you're too f...ing stupid to own
a computer !!!!!
<><>
I thought that one was really funny and will be hard
to beat, but I found some blonde ones, so here goes.

A well dressed blonde walks inti a bar with a piglet
under her arm and the barman asks, "What'll it be?"
A bowl of peanuts forme and a lemon, lime and
bitters for the blonde," the pig replies.

"That's amazing," says the barman,
Where did you get that?"
"In the CBD at lunchtime," the pig replies, "There's
lots of them !"
<><>

A man has ducked into the supermarket to grab a
few items when he notices a blonde woman waving
furiously at him from across the aisle. Even though
he does not know who she is, he goes to her,
anyway, a little unsure, and says, "I'm sorry, where
do I know you from?"

She says, "I think you are the father of one of my kids."
This sends the man into a panic, as he tries to remember
the few times he has been unfaithful to his wife. Then he
remembers . . . " Were you the raunchy blonde stripper
with the whips and leather from that weekend long bucks
party thhat I ended up screwing?" he asks.

"No ," the woman replies, "I'm your sons English teacher.
<><>

An older man was married to a younger woman. After
several years of happy marriage, he has a heart attack
and the doctor advised him to prolong his life, they
should cut out sex. He and his wife discussed the matter
and decided he should sleep in the family room down-
stairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without
sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his
wife on the stairs, saying"I was coming up to die."
She laughed, and replied, " I was coming down to kill you."
<><>

A man is recovering after surgery when a nurse asks him
how he is feeling.
"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used
just as I was dozing off after the anesthetic injection.: he says.
"What did he say?" the nurse asks.
" OOPS."
<><>
Some Great Quotes from Great Leaders.
These are from Benjamin Franklin.

An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.

Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain
a little security, will deserve neither and lose both.

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too
late.

All mankind is divided into 3 classes: those that are
unmovable, those that are movable, and those that move.

Words may show a man's wit but actions his meaning.

Take time for all things; great haste makes great waste.

He does not possess wealth; it possesses him.

Never leave that until tomorrow, what you can do today.

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.

Well done is better than well said.
<><>
That is it for tonight my friends, I hope you found
something of interest or a chuckle. Take care of
yourselves and your loved ones. Love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

I had a phone call from our blogging friend Jeanette
earlier, and she is coming in for a cuppa tomorrow.
Will be nice to see you Jan.

Post 453 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 18th May, 2008.
<><><>






5 comments:

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Good morning, LOL as usual you have a lot of funny ones again. Love the blonde and pig joke. This one I especially liked.

Then there was the caller for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland.

Hope your visit to the doctor and the test turn out well for you. But you do need to know why the eye is bleeding inside like it is. Take care. Good luck with the visit and test.

Gattina said...

Hehe ! the whole winter I was jalous about your warm weather, blooming gardens eating outside ! Now it's my turn ! I am back from Greece. It was quite an experience !

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Another great one. The English teacher one was a hoot. I hope to remember it to tell the girls.
Glad Jen is on her way for a cuppa. I just love that term "cuppa". Peace

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I like your blonde jokes, they are very cute as usual.

I did have to find this, "CBD, the Central Business District.... the area down by Queen Street etc."
Perhaps more than just pigs go there.

Cheers,
..

audrey` said...

Oh Yeah! I love the rain too. It's so refreshing and cooling =)