Sunday, July 27, 2008

Enlightened Perspective.

Post 487 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 27th July, 2008.

Hello My Friends ~~ It has rained here all day,
which is good and I hope the catchment areas
are getting it too. It has been a cosy indoor day
for me, as it often is, but had no choice today.

I hope everything is going well for all my friends
and their families and friends. I hope you have
had an enjoyable weekend doing some things
out of doors. Maybe gardening or a picnic ??

My grandson called in yesterday morning and
brought me 2 lovely gifts from Kathy, that she
had forgotten to bring last time she was here.
I will take photos and show you, one was a lovely
fairy with a power solar globe she is holding.
The other was a very pretty bird feeder that hangs.

Joh, being very tall, hung it for me, and also got
the solar power fairy switched on and I was very
surprised that the light glowed last night as the
info said it would need 24 to 48 hours to charge.

My dear friend Patty sent me these, so I hope
you enjoy them as much as I do. Thanks Patty.

If you take time to read these I promise you'll
come away with an enlightened perspective.
The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis.
They were written by Andy Rooney, a man who
has the gift of saying so much with so few words.

I've learned . . .That the best classroom in the
world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned . . .That when you're in love it shows.

I've learned . . .That just one person saying to me,
"You've made my day," makes my day.

I've learned . . .That having a child fall asleep in
your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in
the world.

I've learned . . .That being kind is more important
than being right.

I've learned . . .That you should never say no to
a gift from a child.

I've learned . . .That I can always pray for someone
when I don't have the strength to help him in
some other way.

I've learned . . .That no matter how serious your
life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to
act goofy with.

I've learned . . .That sometimes all a person needs
is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned . . .That simple walks with my father
around the block on summer nights when I was a
child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned . . .That life is like a toilet roll, The
closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned . . .That we should be glad that
God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned , , ,That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned . . .That it's those small daily
happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned . . .That under everyone's hard shell
is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned . . . That to ignore the facts does not
change the facts.

I've learned . . .That when you plan to get even
with someone, you are only letting that person
continue to hurt you.

I've learned . . .That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned . . .That the easiest way for me to grow
as a person is to surround myself with people
smarter than I am.

I've learned . . .That everyone you meet deserves to
be greeted with a smile.

I've learned . . .That no one is perfect until you
fall in love with them.

I've learned . . .That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned . . .That opportunities are never lost;
someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned . . .That when you harbor bitterness,
happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned . . .That I wish I could have told my
Mother that I love her one more time before
she passed away.

I've learned . . .That one should keep his words
both soft and tender, because tomorrow he
may have to eat them.

I've learned . . .That a smile is an inexpensive way
to improve your looks.

I've learned . . .That I can't choose how I feel, but
I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned . . .That when your newly born
grandchild holds your little finger in his little
fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned . . .That everyone wants to live on
top of the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned . . .That the less time I have to
work with, the more things I get done.
<><><>
Time for some jokes ~ ~ ~

My dear friend Margaret sent me these.
Thank you Margaret.

I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger, Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care wherea 3 year
old was resisting a rest.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round
table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes
take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle cannot stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. "Taint yours and
"Taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was
never developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to
know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture ~~ a jab well done.
<><>

Some guys at the Rugby were annoyed because
their view kept getting blocked by the habits of
some nuns sitting in front of them, so they
started making rude comments, hoping the
nuns would move.

"I think I will move to Canberra, because there
are only 100 nuns living there," said the first guy
in a loud voice.
"I want to go to Tasmanis, because there are only
50 nuns living there," said the second guy.
"I might go to Townsville, as there are only 25
nuns living there," the third guy said.

One of the nuns turned around, and in a calm
sweet voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell?
There are no nuns living there."
<><>

A priest, a rabbi and a preacher were discussing
what portion of the collection they kept for
themselves.

"I draw a circle on the ground," the priest
explained. "I take a few paces back and toss
the money towards the circle. What lands in
the circle I keep, and what lands outside the
circle goes towards God's work."

"I do almost the same thing," the rabbi said,
except that what lands outside the circle is
mine and what lands within the circle goes
towards God's work."

The preacher said, "My method is much simpler.
I throw ALL the money into the air and let God
take as much as He wants from it; whatever
lands on the ground is what He wants me to have."
<><>

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Dad,
what's the difference between 'hypothetical'
and 'reality' ?"

"Well, son, It is probably better to show you by
example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if
she would sleep with the mailman for half a
million dollars."

So the boy goes upstairs and asks his mother,
"Mum would you sleep with the mailman for
half a million dollars?"
"Hell, yes, I would." his mother replies.

The little boy goes back to his father and reports
that his mother would sleep with the mailman for
half a million dollars.

The father then says, "Okay, now go and ask your
older sister if she would sleep with the school head-
master for half a million dollars."

The boy asks his sister, "Would you sleep with the
head-master for half a million dollars ?"
"Hell, yeah," the boy's sister replies.

The little boy returns to his father and reports that
his sister would have sex with the head-master for
half a million dollars.

"Okay son," the father concludes, "here's the deal:
Hypothetically, we're millionaires; in reality we're
just living with a couple of whores."
<><>

A middle aged man has just bought a brand new
convertible Porsche and he's hurtling down the
road in it at 160 km/h, enjoying the wind blowing
through his thinning hair.

"This is great ," he thinks accelerating but when
he looks in his rear-view mirror, there's a police
car behind him with lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem," the
man thinks as he floors the car, flying down the
road at over 210 km/h to escape being stopped.

Then he thinks, "What the hell am I doing? I'm
too old for this kind of thing." and pulls over
to the side of the road nd waits for the police car
to catchup with him.

The police car pulls in behind the Porsche and the
policeman gets out and walks to the driver's side
of the Porsche. "Sir, my shift ends in five minutes
and today is Friday the 13th ," the policeman says.

"If you can give me a good reason that I haven't
heard before, as to why you were speeding, I'll
let you go."

The man looks at the policeman and says,"Last week
my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you
were bringing her back."

The policeman laughs and waves the Porsche driver on.
<><>

Well that is enough for this post - I hope you found
something of interest. Bye for now, until next time.
Look after yourselves and each other. Love and
Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 487 ~ ~ Sunday, 27th July, 2008.
<><><>







15 comments:

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,

I find it difficult to pick a favorite in your post today. They were all so good, starting with the Andy Rooney comments and on through the jokes. LOL...all I can add now is....

Have a fun-filled week and keep smiling;))

Bear Naked said...

"The roundest knight at King Arthur's round
table was Sir Cumference."

How very clever.

Bear((( )))

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Once again, some funny ones. I like the preacher, rabbi and priest and the nuns and the fellows at the Rugby game and also the boy asking the difference between 'hypothetical'
and 'reality'. Sleep well. Hope the feeder wasn't hung up so high that you won't be able to put more bird seed in it.

Jim said...

That Patty is nice to you, she keeps you up to date on a lot of good 'funnies.'
I can relate to learning at the feet of an elderly person, our new dog, Katrine (on my blog), is learning slowly but surely not lick them.
Your nun joke was superb!
Cheers,
..

Puss-in-Boots said...

A post full of jokes to start the Monday...thank you for the laughs, Merle. I love those clever ones from Margaret.

It's very cold here today (for QLD, that is). I've got three layers of clothing on and the heater going...that's never happened before! It is 1.10 in the afternoon after all...it should have warmed up by now, but it hasn't.

Hope it's not too cold down your way.

Hugs

mreddie said...

Enjoyed all but especially the Andy Rooney quotes and most especially the one that ended with "everyone needs a friend to act goofy with". ec

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I liked the joke with the speeding man and the police officer who was about to go off shift.

Enjoy your presents they sound real nice. I'd like the see a picture of the fairy holding the solar glob. It sounds nice.

Janice~

Dave said...

As usual, beautiful post Merle!
I especially enjoyed the "I've Learned" section... *S*

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Belated Birthday wishes to Bec and Gabby. Your gifts from Kathy sound lovely, looking forward to seeing photo's of them.
Wonderful post with plenty of Giggles. I have learned.How true.
King Arthur's round
table was Sir Cumference.gave me quite a giggle, hehehe...Take care dear Merle , the weather has turned quite cold with icy winds.keep warm... Love Jan.. xxxx

Lady Di Tn said...

What fun ones today. Andy Rooney is always fun to hear from. Glad Joh got to visit and brought presents. Looking forward to pictures of them. We have had a little rain but alas not enough. I had to water pots of plants yesterday and have yet to fill up the watering can for todays job. Ear is better but still not 100 percent. Peace

Lucy Stern said...

Merle - I loved Andy Rooney's comments...they are so true.....

Hootin' Anni said...

Oh, I bet that fairy with the solar globe is darling! And bird feeders...of any kind are always good gifts. I love watching the birds...they're so entertaining.

Can't wait to see a photo of the fairy tho.

Now, I gotta go back and read your jokes. [I just didn't want to forget to mention your gifts, so I came and left a comment first before...forgetfulness is something I strive on.]

Sending USA hugs to you dear Merle.

Nancy said...

Hi again Merle!

Loved the I've Learned one! How so very true! As always, you posted some good ones again!!! I enjoy the smiles and laughs!!!

(((((( HUGS ))))))

Joy Des Jardins said...

You're not the only one who things time flies by quickly Merle....me too. It seems it's Monday...and all of a sudden....it's Friday and another weekend is here and suddenly another month is gone. Time is just flying by. I can't believe it's already August in two days. Maybe it does go faster as we get older. I hope you get more rain soon. I was just hearing some thunder here by me, but I don't hear any rain yet.

Stay well and wonderful my friend....much love to you.... ~Joy

audrey` said...

"I've learned..." is so true and appropriate =)

Thank you for sharing so many wise words with us, Merle.