Sunday, August 03, 2008

Heart Gifts.

Post 490 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 3rd August, 2008.

Hi Folks - I forgot to put this award thingy on before I
started this post, so it's a bit of a mess. Sorry.

I was given this award by my friend Robyn
Thank you very much again Robyn and I will try to follow
the rules and pass it on.

The rules are ~ ~ ~
1. Put the logo on your blog

2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.

3. Nominate at least seven other blogs

4. Add links to them on your blog

5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs

So to nominate my seven, and you can link to these by
clicking on their names.

Audrey at Marvellous

Lady Di
at Kitty Justice

Linda at Linda May

Connie aka Meow

Mountain Mama Bev

Patty at Old Lady Lincoln

Renie at renieburghardtsworld

These blogs are all well worth reading, and
are in alphabetical order here. I enjoy them all.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope all is well with you as
it is with me. I have had a few visitors and didn't
get round to posting last night. My mind is a blank
at present, but it usually is when I get to this stage.

My friend and neighbor, Lorraine came over today
to prune my roses and plant some pelargoniums for
me. Isn't she a good friend to have? I am unable to
do these things now and she also pulled some weeds.
I do try to pay her back for all her help.

I have another Helen Steiner Rice Poem. When all
else fails, go for Helen Steiner Rice.
Heart Gifts.

It's not the things that can be bought
that are life's richest treasures,
It's just the little "heart gifts"
that money cannot measure . . .

A cheerful smile, a friendly word,
a sympathetic nod
Are priceless little treasure
from the storehouse of our God . . .

They are the things that can't be bought
with silver or with gold,
For thoughtfulness and kindness
and love are never sold . . .

They are the priceless things in life
for which no one can pay,
And the giver finds recompense
in giving them away.

Time for some jokes ~ ~ ~
Thank you for this one Patty.
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the
same day and they both go before an Angel
to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one place left that
day, so the Angel must decide which of them
gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some
particular reason she should get into Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, :Look at these,
they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
and I 'm sure the sngels will be pleased to see them
every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the
same question.

The Queen takes out a bottle of Perrier out of her
purse, shakes it up, then gargles. Then she spits
into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel chuckles and says, "Okay, your Majesty,
you may go in.

Dolly is outraged and says, "What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you
turn me down. She spits into a toilet and gets in.
Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, but even in Heaven,
a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."

Next two are from Lady Di. Thank you Dianne.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you for a while. What happened?
You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball,
but I'm fine now."

"Well, okay, but what about the hook? What happened to
your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a
ship and got in to a sword fight. My hand was cut off, I got
fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about the eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea. and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose
an eye just from bird crap."

It was my first day with the hook."


Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey
from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to
deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove
up and said, "Sorry son, the donkey died."

Chuck replied, "Well, just give me my money back."
The farmer siad, "I can't do that as I have spent it
Chuck said ,"OK but just bring me the dead donkey."

The farmer asked what he wanted with a dead donkey.
Chuck said, " I'm gonna raffle him."
The farmer said "You can't raffle a dead donkey."

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me . . .I just won't
tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and
asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets
at two dollars a ticket and made a profit of $898."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the one who won it. So I gave him
his two dollars back."

Chuck now works for the government . . .
One from my friend Linda Thank you, Linda.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her
class, "Which human body part increases to ten times
it's size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said,
"You should not be asking sixth graders a question like
that. I'm going to tell my parents and they will tell the
Principal, who will then fire you."

Mrs Parks ignored her and asked the question again.
"Which body part increases to 10 times it's size when
stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open.
Then she said to those around her. "Boy, is she going
to get in big trouble."

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the
class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up,looked around nervously, and
said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size
when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs Parks said, "Very good Billy," the turned to Mary
and said, "As for you, young lady, I have three things
to say to you; One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you
didn't read your homework. And three, you are going
to be very, very disappointed one day."

It was in the olden days, and the bride and groom
were setting off alone on their honeymoon - - -
travelling by horse and carriage.

Suddenly, the horse reared up, startled by a snake
in its path. Annoyed, at the horse's behaviour, the
man waved his finger threateningly at the horse
and said, "That's your first warning."

They continued their journey until about half an
hour later when the horse stopped at a water trough
at the roadside to drink a few sips of water.

Again the man was annoyed at this interruption in
their journey, and he wagged his finger and said,
menacingly, "That's the second warning."

They continued their journey until dusk, when again
the horse reared up, rocking the carriage violently.
The man clambered down from the carriage, took
out his gun and shot the horse dead between the
eyes, saying, "And that was the third time."

The man's wife, on seeing this, burst into tears.
"What did you shoot the horse for? She was
probably frightened by another snake or some-
thing similar. It wasn't her fault and now you've
killed her. How could you be so cruel? If I'd
known you were such a sadist, I 'd have never
married you; How could you do that to such a
poor defenceless creature?"

As she began to cry uncontrollably, her husband
wagged his finger at her and said, "That's the
first warnimg."

"It was the bells that killed my husband," said the
nineteen-year-old girl at the funeral of her ninety-
eight year old husband."All week," she continued,
"he would save up his strength, so we could make
love on a Sunday morning.He liked to do it to the
rhythm of the church bells. If that stupid ice-
cream van hadn't gone past chiming its stupid tune
I'm sure he would still be here today."

The village priest was passing Pat's cottage when he
smelt something savoury frying and looking in, he
saw Pat frying a pan full of sausages.

"Why, Pat," he says, "what's this? Meat and on a
Friday. You must do penance Bring me a load of
wood tomorrow.

Next day, Pat brought the load, but of sawdust.

"What's this?" said the priest, when he saw it.
"I said a load of wood."
"Well, said Pat, :if sausages is meat, the sawdust
is wood."

A school teacher, thinking to test the intelligence
of his class, asked to be given a number of two
figures. "49" called out one boy and the teacher
immediately wrote down 94 on the blackboard.

"Another number?" he called again and another
boy called out "97" and the teacher wrote 79.

At a third request, a big gangling lad called out,
"66 and now muck around with that one.

Well that's it for this post. Sorry it was a bit
jumbled up at the start. Enjoy your lives and
the last of the weekend. I am off to bed, and it
will be Monday when I get up again.

Some of you kind people asked about my x ray.
I go to see the Specialist about it on Friday and
think it will be OK. Take care and keep smiling.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 490 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 3rd August, 2008.


Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear MerLe,
Thanks for the award, but I just recieved it about a week about from Lisa at but I still have not posted it to mine, haven't had the time. And for this next week, I'm suppose to limit how long I sit with my leg down, doctor wants me to prop it up often. Thank you anyway. That was very thoughtful of you.

Hope you've had a wonderful week-end. It did cool down here last evening, when we got up this morning it was a nice cool 61F.

Going to go prop the leg and crochet a while. Sleep well.

Bear Naked said...

Hello Merle
That is a beautiful poem.
Thank you for sharing it with us.

Bear((( )))

Dave said...

Wonderful post as usual Merle... and great jokes! *S*

Have a wonderful day...

Diane said...

Loved the poem. It was a great way to start my day.

The jokes were hilarious!

Thanks for being a perfect "pick-me-up"!


Gledwood said...

It's a shame you can't prune your own roses... isn't that one of the relaxing things in life (know what I mean?) ... but at least you have a friend who is willing to do this for you

hey I found 2 bird feeders in my local supermarket; they were only about £1.50 each or so... I'm just contriving a way of hanging them outside my window without vandalizing anything too much or making my room look like an outpost from Steptoe and Son...

Lady Di Tn said...

Thanks for the award. I will try to put it up post haste. I love the poems by HS that you have been putting on the blog.
Thanks for sharing the emails I sent you.
Glad you had company, we worked here on the farm most of the weekend and spent Saturday trying to find parts for the John Deere. Peace

Gramma Ann said...

Congratulations, enjoy your award...

As always I enjoyed your jokes and the poem by HS...

I never had a green thumb, so know nothing about taking care of roses and such. But I enjoy flowers and sometimes buy myself some at the market, and enjoy them until they wilt.

I hope you have a nice week and hope the x-ray turns out well...

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Love the poem by Helen Steiner Rice. You are right, you can never go wrong with one of her poems.

Thank you very much for passing the award on and including me. I have also received it a couple of weeks ago from Ann, Ancient One. But I do appreciate you thinking of me.

Lorraine is a nice friend to have! Friends are such a blessing, aren't they?

The jokes were all a hoot. They always are. Royal Flush--hahaha.And Mrs. Parks handled that smarty sixth grade girl perfectly. Well, they were all chuckle worthy, dear Merle. :-) I always enjoy my visit with you.

It was 97 F here today, so my brain is a bit cooked. Hope your weather has been nice. Send a little cold air our way, won't you? LOL.

Have a wonderful rest of the week, dear friend. See you again, soon.



mreddie said...

I can so relate to what you said about your mind being blank at that moment - that has happened to me on occasion and I finally just get up from the computer and go do something else until I am inspired - or at least what I call inspiration. :) ec

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I liked the joke about the sixth grade teacher.

I hope the x-ray was turned out alright for ya.

Take care,

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

Thank you so much =)

Lorraine is such a dearie =D

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle..Congratulations on your new award...its well deserved.nice to hear you have been having lots of visitors,, and how kind of Lorraine to come and prune your roses. I love when my visitors come and do a little in the garden, all help gratefully recieved..
Another lovely poem and great jokes and quotes.....
Enjoy these nice sunny days Merle forcast rain on the way HEHEHE... Love Janxxxx