Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Mary Had a Little Lamb.

Post 503 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 2nd September, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ I have had some trouble tonight
posting pictures, so settled for just one. I hope all
is well at your place and the awful hurricanes are
not causing too much damage. And trust the floods
will not be too devastating.

My granddaughter Kate arrived home today
from France. now to hear all about the things
she did and saw. She has been gone almost 5 weeks.

My niece, Vicki sent me the item I am posting
tonight, so thank you dear Vicki and I hope you
are feeling much better by now. It is called "
Mary had a Little Lamb.

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me
and asked :
"My child, what is your greatest wish for today?"

I responded :
"Lord please, take care of the person who is reading this message,
their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love
them very much."

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings
but Not its end.

exist, but sometimes since they don't have wings, we

Mary had a little lamb,
His fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went,
The Lamb was sure to go.
He followed her to school each day.
'Twasn't in the rule.
He made the children laugh and play
To have a Lamb at school.

And then the rules changed one day,
Illegal it became
To bring the Lamb of God to school
Or even speak His Name.
Every day got worse and worse
And days turned into years.
What must we do to stop the crime
That's in our schools today?
Let's let the Lamb come back to school
And teach our kids to pray.

If you agree, then pass it on.

Time for some jokes - - These were sent by my friend
Nancy. Thank you very much Nancy.

Old Age Ain't for Sissies.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one says to the other:
"Eddie, I'm 83 years old and now I'm just full of aches
and pains. I know you are about my age. How do you feel?

Eddie said, " I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really ? Like a newborn baby ?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

Hospital regulations require a wheel-chair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse,
I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting
on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't
need any help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was
meeting him.

"I don't know," he said, "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
getting changed out of her hospital gown."

A couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor
tells them that they're physically Okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the
kitchen?" he asks."Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?" she asks.
'No, I can remember it."

"Well, I want some strawberries on top. Maybe you
should write it down so's not to forget it."
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of
ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget
that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I
can remember it. Ice cream, with strawberries and
whipped cream. I got it for goodness sake."
Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from
the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and
eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"

A senior citizen said to his eighty year old buddy : "So I hear
you're getting married?" :Yep," "Do I know her?"
"Nope." "This woman , is she good-looking?"
"Not really." "Is she a good cook?"
"Naa, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have money?"
"Nope, she's as poor as a church mouse."
"Well, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world would you want to marry her?"
"Because she can still drive !!"

Three old guys were out walking. First one says,
"Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday.."
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer.

A man was telling her neighbor , "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's
state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor, "What kind is it ?"
"Twelve thirty."

Morris, an 82 year old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
"You're doing really great , aren'r you?"
Morris replied, " Just doing what you told me Doc. Get a
hot Mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a
heart murmer; be careful.' "

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice-cream parlor
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up on a stool. After
catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

General : Can you tell me what a soldier must be before
he can be buried with full military honors?"
{rivate : "Dead, sir."

The judge had just finished telling the prisoner that
he was free to go as the jury had found him Not guilty
of fraud, so the prisoner asked: "Does that mean I can
keep the money?"

Wendy was sobbing as she phoned her best friend
Louise. "It's my husband, cried Wendy, He's just died."
"Oh, I am so terribly sorry," said Louise. "Were you
with him when he died?"

"Yes," sobbed Wendy. "I don't know what to do."
"It must be terrible for you," said Louise "Did he
have any lst requests?"
"Yes," sobbed Wendy "He looked at me and asked:
"Please put down that gun. Please don't shoot me."

When John made his girlfriend pregnant, her father
sent two large, powerful men to his offece to discuss
John's marriage - - it was a wife or death situation.

Time to call it a day, my friends. Enjoy your week
and take great care. Love and best wishes to yo all.
Cheers, Merle..

Post 503 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 2nd September, 2008.


Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle, a quick good morning, well actually it's 11:45am, time to be thinking about something for lunch. Think I will fix some fresh sausage in the casing, some fried potatoes, a small salad and some sliced tomatoes.

Got my hair cut earlier, and was told the next time it will cost me $2.00 more. Seems everything goes up in price faster than our monthly checks increase. Was also told our Dental insurance will be going up in Jan. by about $2.50 a month. Always something. Have a great day and evening and sleep well.

Margaret Cloud said...

I just love your blog site, the stories are very funny. Just coming by to say Hi and have you come by mine, have a good day

Gramma Ann said...

G'Day Merle,

You did it again. You put a smile on my face.

We haven't been affected by the hurricane, but there is a cold front moving our way. But I don't mind. I rather like the cooler weather in the low 70s. Today the schools left out early, because of the hot weather, it is in the 90s with high humidity.

Have a nice week and keep a smile on your face;)


Bear Naked said...

Hello Merle
Your jokes always bring a smile and a chuckle to my face.
Thank you.

Bear((( )))

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
I giggled my way through your jokes. So many "old age" humor, but then if we can't laugh at ourselves as we age, we're not too well off are we?
Hope you're well, we're still roasting here!

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Nope no rain here, but much wanted cooler temps.

I loved the jokes, keep them up.


Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. Thanks for the jokes about old age...reminds me that I'm well on the way to that state...lol!


Dave said...

Great jokes as always Merle... *S*

And don't get me started about prayer in school.. getting rid of it was the biggest mistake (as well as the pledge of allegiance)

linda may said...

G'day Merle,
Boy I needed you stories and jokes tonight. I had a rotten day. Thanks for cheering me up. Love You.

Anonymous said...

I like it, that is very beautifully

Lady Di Tn said...

Those three little guys walking were a HOOT, LOL. Jokes were great.
Can't talk about Mary situation as it affects all of us too much. Peace

bigbikerbob said...

Hi Merle, Great blog, really loved the jokes, keep them coming.

megz_mum said...

Thanks Merle, for the jokes!
I hope you are enjoying your week

audrey` said...

Welcome home, Kate =)

Praise God for protecting her during her 5 weeks in France.

Gina E. said...

Some good ones here as usual, Merle! Chuckling and chortling in Eltham!