Friday, September 26, 2008

One Flaw in Women.

Post 514 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th September, 2008.

G'Day My Friends ~~ A beautiful day today in Country Victoria with 27C and 29C predicted for tomorrow ~ that is about 80F and 84F. Just nice, but I guess we will have more ups and downs for a while. I hope the weather is nice where you are, and that things are going well for you all. And I wish you all a very happy weekend ahead.

We have a big game in Melbourne tomorrow - the Grand Final of the Australian Rules Football, between last year's Premiers, Geelong and another good team Hawthorn. I will watch the TV with interest as it's the last football until early next year. Soon there will be Cricket and Tennis, but I like footy the best.

I hope you like the new Header that Peter put on for me. I like that picture a lot so was very pleased when he did it, without telling me. I think this one will be staying now, so no more surprises.

The story tonight is called "One Flaw in Women: and was sent to me ages ago by my friend Linda C. Thank you Linda and I hope you are doing well.

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e mail you
to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

However, if there is ONE FLAW in women,
It is that they forget their worth.

First joke tonight came from my friends Gwen and Sue and Bob. Thank you.

A woman and a man were involved in a car accident on a snowy cold Monday morning. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. So the woman says, "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars.
There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and become friends and live together in peace for the rest of our lives."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh, yes. I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God. But you're still at fault . . .women shouldn't be allowed to drive. ."

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but the bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle
and immediately puts the cork back in, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police . . . ."
Moral of this story: Women are clever, evil b***hes. Don't mess with us.

If Life Were Like a Computer:

You could add/remove someone in your life, using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it.

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on 'Find' to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on 'run'.

If you mess up your life, you could always press 'Ctrl, Alt, Delete' and start all over.


Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says "Oh s**t. . . .she's awake !!!?" Thank you Margaret for that one.

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.

2. If they don't have chocolate in Heaven, I ain't going.

3. My mother is a Travel agent for Guilt trips.

4. Coffee, chocolate and men . . . some things are just better rich.

5. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

6. Next Mood Swing : 6 Minutes.

7. Of course I don't look busy . . .I did it right the first time.

8. Do not start with me; you will not win.

9. How can I miss you if you won't go away.

10 If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Another from Sue and Bob called "All puns intended."

1. Two antennas met on the roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cabe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I will serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of cement under his arm and says, " A beer please and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing "the Green Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," "Is it common?" "Well, It's not unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, " I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; - - -
no bull!!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh.

12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam."

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal' The other goes to a family in Spain, where he is named 'Juan' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving this picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.!!

"Mummy," said little Jimmy. "I want to live with Carol next door."
"But you're both only six years old." smiled his mother. "Where will you live?"
"In her bedroom."
"What will you live off. You don't have any money, and what you do if babies come along?"

"Well," said Jimmy, seriously, "we've been all right so far . . . .and if she lays any eggs, then I'll tread on them."

As the train thundered along, the man turned to the woman in the otherwise deserted compartment and said, " Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not." retorted the woman. The man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked: "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
"Yes," replied the woman after a brief pause. A few minutes later, the man asked,
"Would you let me kiss you for a pound?"
"Certainly not," exclaimed the woman, "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

"We've already established that . . .Now we are just haggling over the price."

"Now, children," said the Sunday school teacher, "you've just heard the story of Jonah and the whale. Can you tell me what this story teaches?"

"Yes Miss," said one boy, "It teaches that you can't keep a good man down."

Time to say Bye for now. I hope something made you smile. Take great care of each other and yourselves. Have a wonderful weekend. My love and best wishes to you all. So until next time, enjoy your lives. Cheers, Merle.

Post 514 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th September, 2008.


desert dirt diva said...

Good morning merle,
i loved the car accident one the most this morning, almost makes me want to go buy a bottle of wine , just in case you
have a great day!

desert dirt diva said...

P.s. and the picture on the top, I tried to do that awhile agoe and failed your blog is looking good!

Bear Naked said...

Hello Merle
That photo is lovely up at the top.
And I must tell you that I find your blog easy to read because of the large font that you use.
My old eyes thank you for that.
I am going to see if I can do a few changes to my blog soon.
Have a lovely weekend.

Bear((( )))

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle, love your new photo at the top of your blog. And oh my yes, wouldn't it be nice if life were like a computer. Glad you're having lovely weather. It's around 77 here today, very nice breeze, tomorrow they say we may get some rain, which we could use. Have a great evening. Love, Patty

Dreadnought said...

Hi Merle, I do like the new picture, although being a gardener I also liked the old one too. I haven't seen football you talk about on our TV but for sure I am going to be watching the Bathurst 1000 in a week or so. I think Aussie V8 Supercars is very exciting. Bob.

Deborah Wilson said...


I love the new header - it looks like fairie land!

Women jokes are funny - naturally - but then aren't men from mars?

Have a good weekend - I'm glad that it is starting to warm up for you - it's starting to get cool here - down in the 50's at night. This summer hasn't been too bad...

Gramma Ann said...

Hello Merle,

I like your heading, it's charming.
And I agree the larger print is easier for these old eyes to read. I enjoyed your funnies again today. The weather in my area couldn't be nicer. Now if it would just stay this way for a while longer.

Have a nice week-end and enjoy your spring weather.

Christina said...

"no pun in ten..." groan

the rest of the post was lovely

linda may said...

G'Day Merle,
Yes your new header is great. My favorite aussie pic is "On the Wallaby Track" do you know it?
I love your stories and jokes as usual. Stay well. Love Linda.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle, oh I love that powerful woman's motto! Very good.

Our weather has been cooler but today warmed up to about 30, although chilly in the evenings. The days are getting longer...light at 5.30 am. I love it!

Joy Des Jardins said...

Oh I just love your new header Merle...and I love your name in it too. Peter did a great job. Weather here has been beautiful...warm, but not hot...just getting ready for Fall...which I love. Enjoy the last of your Footy Merle...we're just getting into our football season here. Hope your weekend is going well my sweet friend....much love to you.....Hugs, Joy

Gina E. said...

That picture is beautiful, Merle. I just love paintings of our countryside, especially with gum trees. I like to sketch, but trees are one thing I just can't get right!
Afraid I can't share your love of first husband was a one eyed Collingwood supporter and I got bashed when they lost....put me off football for life.

Sioux said...

Great new header, Merle! Love the jokes!

audrey` said...

(((HUGS))) Merle =)))
How are you?
I love your new blogskin.
It's so lovely.

I'm so sorry for being away for so long.
Just lazy ^grin^

Take care.
Love and blessings to you =)

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

It's always a pleasure to come here and visit with you! Your new Header is lovely. Oned of these days, I have to do something with mine.

Our weather in the Ozarks is still quite summery, with low 80s and pleasant nights, but somewhat dry. I am glad your weather has been so pleasant, and I hope your favorite footy won the game.

One Flaw in Women is wonderful, and so true!

Oh, my, what a sly woman driver. Haha. And if life were like a computer, how easy things would be. And I loved the sayings. Especially about breakfast in bed. hahaha!
And the puns were quite funny as well.

Dear Merle, I enjoyed my visit with you as always. Greg was here Friday and Saturday, cut my grass and took me for a jet ski ride on the river. Today is Sunday, so I will be getting ready for church soon, and then our lunch with friends, which I always enjoy. I hope you're having a beautiful Sunday, dear friend.

Love and blessings,


Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, I watched the footy also like many others, Good game.. I love your new header but I also loved the daisies in your garden.
Nice story "Flaw in a women " very true. I liked the joke from Gwen.. HEHEHE at little Jimmy... Take care Merle.. Im off to bed Love Janxxxx

Lady Di Tn said...

Another good one to end my reading today. I also had to read Wednesdays post and I need to show Prince the Bible and Hebrews. LOL
Have a great week. Fall is marching in and we will have lots to do. Puppy came home to help Prince with the rest of the fallen tree and were blessed to find it already done. The haymen cut it up and have a stove to use it in. It was a wonderful surprise for Prince and he immediately called him and said Thanks. Peace

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I love your new header. The trees are so lovely. DO you know what they are called?
We are having some nice sunny days here too but it is definitely fall. That nip is in the air.
I loved the jokes and especially liked the Powerful Woman's Motto.
Take care and have a great week.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

A very good post tonight, I enjoyed reading all of it, and laughed at most of the jokes. And I can't tell you which one I like best because I liked them all.


Dreadnought said...

Hi Merle, Because I enjoy reading what you write I've decided to pass on an award to you. I see you already have it from someone else so I hope you don't mind. Bob.

Dreadnought said...

Oh I forgot to say, to collect it you have to visit my blog.

audrey` said...

"One Flaw in Women" is so touching =)
You're a very wonderful lady.