Friday, October 10, 2008

The Old Phone on the Wall.

Post 519 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 10th October, 2008.

Hello My Friends ~~ Lovely day here today, and hope you are all having a lovely day.
Our dear friend Susie is having a birthday today, so how about popping over to Susie's
Space to wish her a very Happy Birthday.. She is a lovely lady and her daughter has been very ill. Please cheer her day a little. Thanks.

John's little dogs are so nice and we are getting along well and they don't get on my garden, so that's a big plus. I will take some photos over the weekend and put them on to show you my guests. I have some lovely pelargoniums flowering now, so will gets some of them on as well. I hope you all have a great weekend, which is almost here in Australia.

My story tonight is called "The Old Phone on the Wall." My dear friend, Sherrill sent this one to me, so I hope you enjoy it. Thank you Sherrill.

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was 'Information Please' and there was nothing she didn't know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information Please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information,"
"I hurt my finger . . ." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now I had an audience.

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.

"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked. I said that I could.

"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called 'Information Please' for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped with my math.
She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then there was the time Petey, our pet canary died. I called 'Information Please' and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. Bit I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of the cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow, I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, " Information Please." "Information," said the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked. All this took place in a small town in the Pacifix Northwest. When I was nine tears old,, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. 'InformationPlease' belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the new shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations
never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle and I had abour a half-hour between planes. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please." Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. "Information."
"I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said, "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

"I wonder," she said, "If you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

"Please do," she said, "Just ask for Sally." Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, "Information." I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said. "Yes, a very old friend." I answered.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago," Before I could hang up, she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?" "Yes," I answered.

"Well Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you cslled. "Let me read it to you." The note said, " Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He will know what I mean." I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?

Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.
Life is a journey . . . .NOT a guided tour.

First joke tonight comes from my dear friend, Lady Di and is called "Three Little Pigs.
Thank you Dianne. This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read, " and so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said:

"Pardon me sir, may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher asked the class : "What do you think the man would have said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said matter-of-factly . . . "I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!' "
The teacher had to leave the room.
One from my dear friend, Linda L. with a very strange title. Killer Biscuit Wanted for Attempted Murder. (the actual A P headline) Thanks Linda.

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diega, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to her car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of her head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of the head. When she reached back to find out what it was; she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed her and came to her aid. Lisa is blonde.
Another from Linda - thank you. It is called "Financial Crisis hits Japanese Banks."
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will probably go for a song, while today's shares in Kamikaze Bank was suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks. Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
Thank you dear Patty for this one.

I asked the Lord to tell me, Why my house is such a mess,
He asked if I'd been computering; And I had to answer 'Yes.'

He told me to get off my fanny And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up.... The smudges on my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside, That really did the trick . . .
I was just admiring my work . . I didn't mean to click.

But click I did and oops I found A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into ; I was into it all night.

Nothing's changed except my mouse ; It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess . . . While I sit here on my hiney.

Than you for being my e mail buddy and friend.
I hope no one takes offence at those couple of words. It is only a joke.
A few "Insults with class." from my local paper.

A modest little person with much to be modest about. ~ ~ Winston Churchill.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, But this wasn't it. ~ ~ Groucho Marx.

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
~ ~ ~ William Faulkner ( about Ernest Hemingway.)

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
~ ~ ~ Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
~ ~ ~Moses Hadas.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
~ ~ ~ Clarence Darrow.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
~ ~ ~ Abraham Lincoln.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice note saying I approved of it.~~Mark Twain.
Young Alfie was forever turning up late for school but as the lad was the son of a farmer and obviously had farm jobs were shared between the family, the teacher made allowances for the lad.

That was until one morning when Alfie slipped into the classroom very late indeed.
"Now then, now then," shouted Miss Barlow in the most threatening voice she could muster. "I'm very sorry, miss," answered a nervous Alfie, beginning to shake, "but I had my farm duties to see to, miss."
"And farm duties are more important than school?" Miss Barlow close in on the crouching Alfie. "And what did this duty entail?"
"I had to take the bull down to the cow, miss," explained Alfie.

"And . . ." Miss Barlow slammed her ruler onto the desk, "Couldn't your father have done that?" "Oh, no, miss,: explained Alfie. "It has to be the bull."
A few money quotes ~ ~
Early to bed, early to rise ~~ till you get enough money to do otherwise.

Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends,

The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend him money. ~ ~ Paul Louis Courier.

The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB to go to Hell. ~ ~ Humphery Bogart.

God is on everyone's side and in the ast analysis, He is on the side with plenty of money and large armies. ~ ~ ~ Jean Anoulth.

Time to stop for tonight. Have a great weekend, my friends. Take care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 519 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 10th October, 2008.


Gramma Ann said...

Oh Merle! Today, you made me get teary eyed, followed by laughter.

Today I can't pick a joke as my favorite, I liked them all. And the quotes were wonderful. And yes I have a very clean and shiny mouse. But the house is another story!!!

Have a great week-end, we are to have a lovely sunny week-end in the 70s, very lovely Fall days.

Winifred said...

Thanks for this Merle

It's so relevant to me. Made me laugh. I'm now going to wash the kitchen floor as I feel so guilty.

Have a lovely weekend.


Annie said...

Good morning Merle. I'm one of your faithful but quiet readers. Today though I just had to pop in because of the San Diego story. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry but I'm sure the blond probably wanted to die of humiliation. Thanks for the morning laugh. Yes! I ended up laughing.

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle,
Love the phone story. If only they still had those old phones hanging on the wall along with the operators that always seemed so kind.

Glad the dogs are doing ok. The cat that lives here now has been pretty good, once in a while he thinks he has to get up on the table and check things out, and of course I'm right there scolding him. I don't mind him sitting on the computer stands/tables watching things going on but the kitchen counters and kitchen table is a NO NO. Have a wonderful week-end.

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
Thanks so much for the birthday wishes. Our daughter is doing so very much better and we're feeling great relief..
Loved the San Diego blonde joke! I always jump like crazy when I open a can of biscuits. Guess I should perfect making biscuits instead of using canned ones!!
love and ((hugs))

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh I did like the story about the phone...and I totally loved the insults. Too many people today think an insult is gesturing with a middle finger and letting go with a mouthful of four letter words. But a true insult is one which uses the English language in the best way possible...and insulting someone in a very reasonable tone of that's style.

Glad the dogs don't go on the garden...what little miracles!

Have a nice weekend. Hugs.

megz_mum said...

Hi Merle, I love your "information please" story, it brought a tear to my eye!

Alice said...

We had one of those phones, Merle. I was too young to use it - but how wonderful to have been able to provide information and comfort to those in need.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Loved Imformation Please..I wasnt expecting the sad end.
Oh for a human voice instead of press i or press 2 to and be put wait in a queque to talk to a person,,Take care have a great weekend love Janxxxx

Joy Des Jardins said...

You had some great stuff today the phone story.

So glad that things are going so well with the 'pups.'

Hey Merle, please make sure to stop by my blog...I have something for you there and more....thanks for being so wonderful sweet friend....Love, Joy

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle, you've really outdone yourself today!! Great selection, and I can't pick a favourite, but the one about the Japanese banks is very clever - I love puns and word play jokes.

Christina said...

I love the phone story , and LOL at "a talking pig"!

Rosezilla said...

Merle, you outdid yourself today! These were great. First of all, you made me cry with the Information Please. I don't cry all that easily. And the jokes were great! I loved the computering one, because it's so true. The "insults with class" quotes were priceless. And the Japanese Banks, nowadays, it was good to have a laugh at the economy. The one about the woman shot in the head by the biscuits made me laugh because it made me think of my (blond) sister, long ago when she was first driving. She hit a school bus (!) no was hurt, but she thought she was, because she put her hand up to her forehead and got gore on her hand. she freaked out - then she realized she'd been eating toast w/ jam, and when she hit the bus, she smacked her hand in to her forehead - it was jam on her head and hand!

Jim said...

Hi Merle, you really did good today! I hope you are doing as good as your blog is.
I have always liked the biscuit can story, I don't remember that lady being blonde. Thank you for reminding me.
The 'Information Please' rings a bell, although I really can't remember why they said that. Ours may have said 'Opperator.' We had two of those phones while I was growing up, the telephone man came out and replaced the first on with a 'new improved' model.
One of Dad's customers later stole the new one from a corner in his office (by then he was using a modern dial phone).

Lady Di Tn said...

What a great story. Just goes to show how we react to others can make someones day or not. The Japanese bank one was a hoot. Look forward to seeing the pups and flowers. Peace

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. You sure posted a lot of stories. It must take you a lot of time to do that.
I like the one about the telephone. My aunt had one like that and I remember the "Number Please' voice too. My cousin ended up marrying her. I guess he liked her voice too.
I hope you have a good week end Merle.
Love and hugs

Rinkly Rimes said...

What a great fund of jokes! I like turning jokes into poems, so you may find one of your stories cropping up in the future!

I'm in NSW.

raccoonlover1963 said...

Hello dear Merle. Loved the post. Sorry I didn't get to it sooner. My favorite is the story of Wayne and the telephone.
Have a great weekend.

audrey` said...

Hi Merle

I'm so glad that John's dogs are very well-behaved =)

We're looking forward to the pics.
Take your time =)

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I am glad your weather is nice. Ours is as well. It will be 80 F and sunny today.

The Old Phone on the Wall is such a sweet story. I enjoyed it. Your inspirational stories are always very inspiring!

Hahaha, the story about the killer biscuits was very funny. Of course, she had to be a blonde! Haha. Oh dear on the banks in Japan. LOL. And I cleaned my mouse as well, but no time to clean anything else. LOL. Well, it's Sunday, and time to get ready for church soon.

Loved the jokes and the inspiration, dear Merle. I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday, my friend.

Love and blessings,


PS. Looking forward to the pictures of John's good dogs!