Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Little Fellow Follows Me.

Post 551 ~ ~ Tuesday, 30th December, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well at your house. All OK here, my visitors left, my
Home Care lady came and all the towels and sheets etc are washed and put away as it was quite a windy day. So all it tidy again but it takes a bit of effort. So I have my usual complaint ~ I'm tired!! Some pictures for you.

This is my granddaughter Kristen who will turn 16 on 2nd February and will go for her
Learner's Permit to drive, with a licenced driver beside her. Krissy has been counting the days for about 18 months. Being a farm girl, she and all the kids drive quad bikes, and
various other vehicles around the farm. Nick who is 13 drives a tractor.

Kristen, SIL Arian (who we call Ard) and Kathy, my youngest daughter.
These three brought me home from their place and they spent a great day seeing
old friends yesterday. Kris saw some school friends and took them some chocolate
from a small chocolate factory where she works. Lovely Belgium chocolate.
Kate 21, Nick 13 and Jorja 10 were left at home to milk the 254 cows etc etc.
The younger two came on the trip to collect me. Nick is a real farmer.

Now to tonight's story which is called "A Little Fellow Follows Me." Author Unknown.

A careful man I ought to be,
A little fellow follows me.
I dare not go astray,
For fear he'll go the self same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whatever he sees me do, he tries,
Like me, he says, he's going to be,
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see,
That little fellow who follows me.

I must remember as I go,
Through summers's sun and winter's snow.
I am building for the years to be,
In the little chap who follows me.
Spell Checker blues.

Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather I am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
My letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
Hillbilly Medical terms ~ ~

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan: Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.

Colic: A sheep dog. (A collie is an Aussie sheep dog.)

Coma : A punctuation mark.

D & C: Where Washington is.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: Quicker than someone else.

Fibula: A small lie.

Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: I knew it.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Rectum: Damn near killed him.

Seizure: Roman Emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
A few jokes from my friend Linda May. Thank you Linda.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well why are you crying?"

She said, He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon. I said, "Well why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidently bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying the casket out. AS they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall."

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman
overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read, "Sir, sorry
to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .
please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send the pearl and re-bait the trap."

One from my friend Gina Thank you so much Gina.

Here is why I am not a Greeter at Wal-Mart . . . .

A very loud, unattractive, mean looking woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice
children you have there. Are they twins?"

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't The oldest one is 9 and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they are twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I am neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am" replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
Origin of Mankind.

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys and we developed from monkeys."

The confused girl returns to her father and she says, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?"

The father answers, " That's simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side."

Well that is it for this post my friends. I hope you got a chuckle somewhere in it.
Take great care and be safe on New Year's Eve. We want you all here in 2009.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle. Happy New Year.

Post 551 ~ ~ Tuesday, 30th December, 2008.


megz_mum said...

I like your spell checker! And Christmas with the family would have been great!

Dave said...

Your granddaughter is a beautiful young lady Merle!!!
Congrats to her on getting her permit. *S*

Great jokes too... I hope you rest well.

Hootin' Anni said...

G'day Merle!!!

I'm happy to hear that your holiday with family was a good one. Tho, tired is understandable. I was tired too, and it was just the two of us this year. LOL

Loved viewing the photos. And the chocolate? Oh my.....now I'm craving it.

Happy New Year wishes to you. Hope 2009 will treat you kindly.

[sorry to read about the deaths--it's hard on loved ones]

Bear Naked said...

I really enjoyed all your jokes Merle.

Happy New Year to you.

Bear((( )))

raccoonlover1963 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
raccoonlover1963 said...

Hello dear Merle. Great post. The spell checker is hilarious!
Take care and have a Happy New Year.

Margaret Cloud said...

Merle I laughed the most at the Old Lady and the Pearl one but I liked them all as usually. I am wishing you a Happy New Year.

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle,
I saved the Spell Checker to send to family and friends. I think it's great!!!

I saved the Wal-Mart Greeter too. Love it!

I hope you had a nice Christmas Merle and I wish you a very happy new year too.
Love & Hugs

Gattina said...

That sounds so funny to me, buying Belgian chocolate in Australia, and I am nearly sitting in it, lol !

I wish you a very happy New Year, a good health and that all your dreams come true !!

Jack K. said...

Great photos.

It's good to spend time with family.

Have a wonderful new year.

Winifred said...

Have a lovely year in 2009 Merle!

Gramma Ann said...

Hello Merle,

It was nice to hear you had a nice vacation with the family and now you are home safe and hopefully rested.

What would we do without our spelling chequers. I loved what a good job that spelling chequer did! ;) And "Watch the wall" was cute too.


audrey` said...

Happy New Year, Merle =)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Happy New Year, Merle, and what a great way to start the year, with some laughs. I especially liked the medical terminology and the spell chequer...now that's clever.

Keep cool.


Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Beautiful pictures of Kristen and your daughter Kathy. It sounds like you had a wonderful visit with them. With so many cows, their farm must be a busy place indeed!

The Little Fellow who Follows me is sweet.

It is good to start off the new year with some chuckles, dear Merle. The Hillbilly Medical Terms, the poor old lady who couldn't remember where she lived, the greeter at Wal-mart and all the others brought a chuckle! Now I must get ready for church soon, and then I'll be going to a nice New Year's Day lunch.

I always enjoy my visits with you, and wish you a wonderful 2009, with many blessings. Happy New Year, dear friend!


Jim said...

Happy New Year Merle,

Gina E. said...

Happy New Year, Merle! Glad you liked my joke about Walmart (well, it wasn't MINE, but I thought it good enough to pass on!), and I loved the others as usual.
I answered your question about our budgies on my blog, but just in case you miss it, Ken said to tell you they are trained to sit in a row like that. He's kidding !!!

PEA said...

Happy New Year, dear Merle:-)

I'm finally back to blogging after my break and so enjoyed catching up on your last few posts I had missed. Sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas and I'm so glad you were able to spend it with family:-) How sad, though, that two family friends passed away...as you said, they were much too young! It's hard losing someone any time of year but just seems so much worse when it's around the holidays.

Wishing you and yours all the very best that 2009 has to offer, dear Merle. xoxo

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle,
It seems I can't seem to get around to all the blogs I like to check on each day. I guess I'm getting slower, or just have more to do. Anyway love the pall bearer joke, WATCH THAT WALL. LOL Hope you had a nice New Years Eve. We stayed home and played games, and ate snack foods. But ended up out of the six of us that were here, only two of us stayed awake to see the ball drop. Have a great New Year.
Love, Patty

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad you had a nice Christmas.

Good luck to your granddaughter when she starts her driving lessons. I need to take my daughter down so she can get her permite too.

Happy New Year.


Rosezilla said...

There were some good ones for sure! Loved the medical definitions!

audrey` said...

Beautiful pictures =)

You're so blessed to be surrounded by so much love, Merle.

Anonymous said...

Do you have copy writer for so good articles? If so please give me contacts, because this really rocks! :)