Sunday, January 11, 2009

Want To. & a Birthday.

Post 556 ~ ~ Sunday, 11th January, 2009.

Hello Everyone. ~~ I am looking forward to the visit with two of my many cousins. These
two are very special to me. I have been cooking a lovely roast turkey roll with roast vegies and carrot, corn, beans and snap peas. I am sure we will enjoy them tomorrow. They will stay only the one night, but that is better than nothing.

We have another blogger birthday tomorrow 12th Jan. is Lady Di's birthday.
I hope you have a wonderful day dear Dianne. I hope some of you will pop over to her blog to wish her a very Happy Birthday. Peace.

Kate callled in again tonight on her way home. She had spent a couple of days with her brother and then went to a 21st birthday of a school friend. She is a very thoughtful girl and has already rung to see she is safely home,

I hope you have all had a great weekend and some happy times with friends and family.
I hope the floods are not too close to you and that you are all safe. I hope the weather isn't too hot or too cold for you. Tomorrow is expected to be 31 C, nearly 88 F. BUT
the next 2 days are supposed to be 38 C, which is about 100.5 F. Too hot for my liking
but at least we haven't had over 40 C YET. That's about 104 F.

My story tonight is called "Want To," written bt Neil Eskelin.

I remember the night in Miami when our son, Ian, was just five years old. We were staying
with relatives and it was his bedtime. When I looked at the living room floor, I knew we had a problem. Toys were all over the place. "Ian," I said, "you need to pick up your toys before you go to bed."

"Daddy," he said, "I'm too tired to pick up my toys."

My immediate inclination was to force him to clean up the room. Instead, I went into his bedroom. laid down, and said, "Ian, come here, let's play Humpty Dumpty."

He climbed up on my knees and I said, "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall." And he fell, Ian laughed and said, "Let's do it again." Well after the third "fall" I said, "Okay, but first go pick up those toys."

Without thinking, he ran to the living room and in ninety seconds he had finished a job that could have taken half an hour. Then he jumped back on my knees and repeated, "Daddy,
let's do it again."

"Ian, I thought you were too tired to pick up those toys." He answered, "I was, Daddy, but I just wanted to do this."

We can finish any job when we have the "Want to.
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TODAY'S STOCK MARKET. . . . . .

Helium is up.

Feathers were down

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca-Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
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The next one was sent by my dear friend Linda. Thank you Linda.

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cool to drink.

Twenty mimutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under the tree outside?" The blonde said it was hers.

"Your dog seems to be in heat." the officer said.

The blonde replied, "No way. She's cool, 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."
The policeman said, "No. You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said the blonde. "My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning."

The exasperated policeman said, "NO. You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex."

The blonde looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog."
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A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with the big brass gong?" asked one of the guests.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock.," the drunk replied.
A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yep," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gonk an ear shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey jerk, it's one fifteen
in the morning.
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A ,man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a hand-gun. He shouts, "yhis is a raid, everyone get on the floor. He proceeds to empty the cash drawers
As he runs towards the door, with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava.
The robber shoots the customer in the head. "Did anyone else see my face?"

The robber noticed another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him also. "Did anyone else see my face?" he shouts waving the gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner,
"I think my missus caught a glimpse."
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What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
<><>

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he went into one of the classes
.where they were discussing words and their meanings. The teacher asked the PM if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy" So the illustrious leader from
Queensland asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Kevin, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand, "If a school bus carriyng fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone in it, that would be a tragedy." "No, I'm afraid not." explained the PM.
"That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Kevin searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said,
"If an aeroplane carrying you and Ms Gillard wa struck by 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaimed Kevin. "that's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably woulldn't be a f*****g accident, either."
<><>

Bye for now, enough for tonight. Enjoy your lives and be kind to one another, Share some smiles with people who have none. You will feel better and so will they.
My love and best wishes to you all, Cheers, Merle.

Post 556 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 11th January, 2009.
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11 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Again thank you for the early Burpday wishes. Good story and so true. The police dog and great tragedy were hilarious. Peace

BTW if you go to www.gladstone3.com and click on Kitty Justice you can see all the photos of my solo show.

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle,
Hope you have a lovely visit with your cousins. Sounds like you are cooking up some good eats.

Once again, love everything you posted, but especially the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd joke.

Sleep well tonight so you will be all perky tomorrow when they arrive.
Love,
Patty

Christina said...

I especially like the bank robber joke and the prime minister joke, but they were all good as usual!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hahaha! I liked the Kevin Rudd joke...as usual, we have no respect for our leaders...heheh.

Have a lovely time with your cousins, Merle. At least in our neck of the woods we've had no flooding, but it is so dry, again.

Hugs.

Gramma Ann said...

Hello Merle,

We aren't having any flooding, but we did have 8 inches of snow and are expecting a few more inches tomorrow and Tuesday. Our temperatures are to be close zero this week.

As always you made me laugh with your humorous jokes.

It sounds like you will be having a good time with the cousins and a lot of good eating and a lot of good talking will be going on!

Ann

Winifred said...

Love the Prime Minister joke, everybody must feel the same about them.

Hope it doesn't get too hot for you Merle. It's 9 Centigrade here tonight, warm for a winter night. I've know cooler summer ones!

Big Dave T said...

I always like it when I come by and you're talking about cooking something. I can always imagine it tasting so good just by your description here.

My son said his stock when up like 2,000 percent this past weekend and he made $3,000. I think your stock quotes made more sense.

I wish I had some of your weather and temperatures. We have a foot of snow on the ground and temperatures this week are supposed to hit zero, fahrenheit (don't know that is in centigrade but trust me, it's very, very cold).

Beth E. said...

We are supposed to have frigid weather next week...below 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Brrrr! Enjoy your visit with your cousins.

Dave said...

*LOL* Great jokes Merle..!

I hope you have a wonderful day with your family!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I just wished Lady Di a "Happy Burpday."

That's a neat story; thank you, Merle.

audrey` said...

Keep yourself cool in the hot weather.
Take care, Merle =)