Post 573 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 13th February, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~ ~ Thank you all again for your messages of support and your prayers
for rain. There are still quite a lot of fires burning and higher temperatures and very
strong winds are predicted for the weekend. They have caught one arsonist at Churchill where over 21 people died and charged him and sent him to Melbourne for his own safety.
I would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and especially my friend Nick of
the Sometimes Saintly variety a very happy 63rd birthday Have a great day Nick.
It would be nice if some of you wished him a Happy Birthday.
Last night, I watched a Telethon concert with lots of Australian stars and singers and many
clips from overseas stars and many sports people manning the phones and believe it or not, they raised over $21,000,000 and there are economic worries here too.
So many of the nations largest stores and businesses gave so much, Half a milion from
some, and many more $50,000 s and $20,000 s. As well as the smaller donations.
Tonight we will get more funds for the survivors from a football match. We had hoped the cricket would bring more today at a match between Aust and New Zealand at Brisbane.
but heavy rain has likely stopped all play. We have won 2 matches each, so this was to be the decider. It has been shortened to 22 overs each, so hope the rain stays away.
My story and photo tonight were sent to me by my friend Warren at Wazza's Place.
Thank you so much Warren. I think we have all seen it on TV but this says it all.
You may have heard or seen this story about Sam the Koala. Sam proved to be a young
female and the fire-fighter has been embarrassed by all the fuss.
A bewildered and badly burnt koala has emerged from the ashes of Australia's deadliest bushfires, a small beacon of hope after days of devastation and the loss of more than
Volunteer firefighter Dave Tree came across the stricken koala, affectionately named Sam,
cowering in a burnt out section of a forest at Mirboo North, some 150 km (90 miles)
southeast of Melbourne.
As a colleague filmed him, he approached the koala and offered the terrified animal some
water, gently talking until the koala put a paw on his hand and began drinking from the plastic water bottle. He eventually drank 3 bottles.
Things do survive the bushfire. There's a koala here. "You all right buddy?" said Tree in the video which was posted on the video sharing website YouTube.
"This guy has survived. He's looking pretty bewildered."
The koala, who turned out to be female, was taken to the Southern Ash Wildlife Shelter in
Rawson while photos of Australia's beloved marsupial, taken on a mobile phone, spread quickly across the globe.
Carer, Jenny Shaw told reporters that Sam had suffered burns on her paws and was in pain but on the road to recovery.
Koalas are usually very shy animals and are not often seen except for high up in the Gum
trees, (eucalypts of a certain variety.) I doubt that they drink often, as they get the
moisture needed from the gum leaves. Never in my 74 years have I seen one, apart from zoos and Wildlife Sancturaries. This little one must have been desperate.
First joke (I think) sent by my friend of long standing, Barbara. Thank you Barbara (I think)
To My Friend.
It's hard to find a friend who is:
100% Sweet. Don't lose me, okay?
My friend, Linda May sent me the next ones. Thanks Linda.
I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedsprausecead because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot.)
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch a woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because now I have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish in five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping Gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. . . disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot
because it probably was placed there by a sex monster waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
OH, by the way . . . .
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking your hand off now. It's too late.
I am so sorry, I forgot to put the picture under the story of Sam the Koala.
It has been a horrific week and I am sure there will be more mistakes here. My apologies.
It should enlarge when clicked on.
Next joke was sent by my dear friend Patty. Thank you so much Patty.
The Good Grandpa.
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3 year old grandson at every turn. It's obvious that Gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming
for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, same for fruit, cereal and soda.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - - easy boy."
Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's Okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here - - - hang in there."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps, again in a controlled voice is saying, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in 5 minutesl stay cool Albert."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa."
"Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But I am Albert --the little sh*ts name is Johnny.
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Thank you so much Dianne for this one.
Men are just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park, You can wear NO shirt to the water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one was just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add sharacter. Wedding Dress $5,000. Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
A few blonde jokes from Sue and Bob. Thank you for these.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on the beach talking. One blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Hellooooooooo, can you see Florida?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely for her license. She
answers In a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it."
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "YOO-HOO" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?
The second blonde looks up the river and down the river and shouts, "You ARE on the other side.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he is
astounded to see the blonde driver knitting. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER."
"O. No," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF."
<><>There are a few more of those for another night.
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice, "Play a jazz chord. Play a jazz chord." Amazed that this chap should know about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresaria starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult
jazz melody for about ten minutes.
When he finishes, the crowd goes wild, but the little old man jumps up again and shouts, "No, No,
Play a jazz chord."
A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation
with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.
The old man jumps up again. "No, no, Play a Jazz chord."
Well and truly fuming that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability Stevie says to him from the stage, " OK smarty pants. You ge up here and do it."
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike...and starts to sing. . . . .
"A jazz chord, to say, a ruv you. . . ."
I hope you 'got' that last one, sing it and you should. That is all for tonight my friends. I hope you all have a great weekend. Ours is almost here, and I hope the next week will be a brighter one for us Aussies. Be kind to one another and keep smiling. My love and best wishes to you all, Cheers, Merle.
Post 573 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 13th February, 2009.