Thursday, January 21, 2010

Hi Dad.

Post 658 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 21st January, 2010.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope the world is treating you right. All OK here
except for a really hot day tomorrow. 41 C which is 105.8 F. Too hot.
It will be a day indoors for me, and praying there are no major bushfires.

My dear friend Barbara sent me the first item titled "Hi Dad" Thanks.

After living what I thought was a "decent" life, my time on earth came
to the end.

The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of
what I thought to be a courthouse.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by
the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor."

He was a villianous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He
definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and
gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me.
I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing
robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the
room; I couldn't take my eyes off Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show
you why this man belongs in Hell.

He proceeded to tell of lies that I had told, things that I stole, and in the
past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that
were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat
I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own
Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten.

As upset as I was at Satan telling all these things about me, I was equally
upset at My Attorney who sat there silently, not offering any form of defence.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my
life - couldn't that equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell. He is guilty of
all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, my Attorney first asked if He might approach the
bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and
beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full
splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar, this was
Jesus representing me, my Lord and Saviour.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi Dad." and
then He turned and addressed the court.
"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any
of these allegations. And, yes the wages of sin are death, and the man
deserves to be punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched
arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person
might have eternal life, and he has accepted Me as his Saviour, so he is mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life, and no
one can snatch him from Me."

Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice,
but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at the Father ad said,
"There is nothing else that needs to be said. I've done it all."

The Judge lifted his mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The
following words bellowed from His lips . . .

"This man is free. The penalty for him has been paid in full. Case
dismissed."

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving,
"I won't give up, I will win the next one."

I asked Jesus as He gave me instructions where to go next, "Have
you ever lost a case?"
Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone who has come to Me to
represent them received the same verdict as you . . Paid in Full."

Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is. Amen.
<><>

Now for some jokes . . . .

First one is from my friend Gina. Thank you.

A California policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because
he had been wearing a seat belt, he had just won $5,000 dollars in
the Statewide Safety Competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess, I'm going to get a driver's license,," he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him " yelled a woman in the passenger seat.
"He's a smart alec when he's drunk."

This woke the guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and
moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said,
"Are we over the border yet?"
<><>


Another from Gina -- Thank you my friend.

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, "How you doing?"

Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get
my slippers. My feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous twin daughters lying
on the bed.
Thinking quickly he says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex
with both of you."

They say, "Get away with you - . . . no way . . . . prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of them?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of them.What's the point of just one.?"
<><>

One from my dear friend Patty. Thank you.

I have just had a call from a Charity, asking me to donate some of my
clothes to starving Africans.

I told them to Bug Off.

Anybody who fits my into my clothes is not starving !!
<><>

My friend Warren sent the next one. Thanks Mate.

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors
this will help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior
yet . . . .God willing, someday you will be. . . .

The $2.99 Special.

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "Seniors special" was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents, because
you are ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean, I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.

"Yes," said the waitress.
"I'll take the special then," my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress aasked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
(She took the two eggs home and baked a cake,)

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS.
We've been around the block more than once.
<><>

Last one tonight came from Sue and Bob in England. Thanks.

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue . . . .
Doctor : "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband
comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp . . ."

Doctor: "I have a good medicine against that. Whenever your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling
it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and
fresh again.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came
home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never
touched me." . . . .

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps !!!"
<><>

Enough for tonight my friends. Look after yourselves and each other.
Love and Best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 658 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 21st January, 2010.
<><><>


12 comments:

Gledwood said...

105F!! That is way too hot. Hopefully it will kill a few poisonous snakes, spiders and giant hornets!

I hope all is well with you, take care xx

Margaret Cloud said...

Amen to the story Barbara sent, enjoyed it very much. I guess the driver will get jail time instead of the money. Very good jokes as usual. Thank you for coming by, take care and have a nice day.

Patty said...

I may just have to copy the man winning the money and post on my blog later. I thought it was pretty funny.

Today was grocery shopping day again. Hopefully it will last us for this up coming week. Granddaughter packs her lunch a lot, since she doesn't like some of the food they serve at school, her Mom packs left overs almost everyday for her lunch at work, and I fix three meals a day for Abe and me, so I try to make sure I have enough laid in for the week.

Tonight I'm fixing something called Beefed Up Noodles. The recipe calls for thin cut round steak, but I use ground round, you fry it up with onion and garlic, when nice and brown, pour off any fat if there is any and then add a can of stewed tomatoes, a can of red kidney beans drained, and a can of Campbell's golden mushroom soup, mix all together and simmer for a few mins, then add some cooked noodles, I also like to set out the Parmesan grated cheese, and I'm going to bake some frozen bread sticks, have a salad, and some chocolate pudding for dessert. Not much work involved in any of it and it's filling.

Got my hair cut this past Tuesday. I got it cut about the last week of November and told him to cut it SHORT, well he did, but it got me through the holidays. I had an appointment to go in a couple of weeks ago, but I called and rescheduled, I told him it hadn't grown that much. This time he didn't cut it as short and I didn't ask him to. LOL

About another hour and I'll have to start preparing supper/dinner. Daughter doesn't have class after work tonight, so I may pop some corn later in the evening.

Stay cool. Today it's been a little warmer 38 degrees F, but very damp and rainy out there.

Jack K. said...

Great story to lead off.

Great joke to end up.

Thanks, friend.

Beth E. said...

Merle,
Thanks so much for posting "Hi Dad". It's beautiful!

I also enjoyed your jokes, especially the one about the senior citizen...too funny!

Try to stay cool. I hope your weather cools down soon!

Peter said...

Hi Merle, I'm off to see my senior friend Wazza today, we're going to Robyn's birthday party tomorrow night, should be fun.

linda may said...

GDay Merle. Hot here too and no air con in this house, when the lease runs out I will be happy to move again if I can I remember how horrid this summer has been. Ouch. Otherwise a nice area. Mid to high 30s today, I must be getting weak in my old age but it seems so much hotter here than I have been used to. Maybe it is more humid.

Dave said...

Great post Merle... I especially loved the funny about the cop and the $5000, and the the gargling one!

Hope you have a nice weekend, and stay cool my friend.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad you saved the best for last. LOL What a hoot.
Peace be with you.

Big Dave T said...

Oh I could go for a good $2.99 breakfast. Do they have those over there? Are they like the fry-ups they have in England with the baked beans and tomatoes?

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