Friday, September 03, 2010

Judas Asparagus.

Post 700 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 3rd September, 2010.

Hello my friends ~~ How are things with you? All good I hope. I am
enjoying having Peter and Warren here and both have helped me at
times. We had two of our cousins visit us on Wednesday, after
their arrival Tuesday afternoon. It has been cool and raining on
and off. The weather reports are mentioning floods as they expect
a big downpour over the weekend. We should be quite safe here,
but some towns will likely have trouble.

Then on Thursday, we visited some friends, including Jan (Jeanette)
so I have included some photos for you to see. Looks as though the
one of Peter and myself has disappeare

Jan with Penny and Merle.

Peter and Jan.

My dear friend, Sherrill sent me this hilarious message called "Judas Asparagus."
Thank you Sherrill. I lol right through this. Kids say the greatest things.

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing
and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for
granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell.

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one, but I think
He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, "Give me a light' and someone did. Then God made the
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple. so they were driven
out of the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though,
because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated
his brother as long as he was Abel

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived
to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of
his kids was a kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain-check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son called Joseph who wore a really loud sport's coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name is Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after
God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave them His Top
Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet
your neighbor's stuff.

Oh yeah, I just thought of one more; Humour thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.
Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua, came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a sling-shot.
He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
My teacher said he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New.
He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too,
because my mom is always saying to me "Close the door. Were you born in a barn?
It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and
the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a
terrible vegetable after him.
He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.
Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to
Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold
i the book of Revolution.

Well it is time to close tonight. I hope you enjoyed Judas Asparagus. I thought
it was quite funny and clever. Take care my friends and look after each other.
Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 700 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 3rd September, 2010.


Sharon's Cottage Quilts said...

Hello Beautiful! I have missed you sorely! What a laugh I had with this funny funny posting. You are the sunshine Merle!!
Hugs and Love, Sharon

Lady Di Tn said...

LOL with you on this one. Glad to see Jen as she does not blog much anymore. Glad your had some good visits as they are always lots of fun. If I could only eat one veggie it would be the terrible one. LOL Peace be with you dear one.

Big Dave T said...

I saw that missing picture over at Peter's site, so you can probably steal his. He won't mind. Great picture too.

I hope Peter has his taxes paid up because it's big news over here how that Crocodile Dundee guy got waylaid over there for not paying his taxes. They wouldn't let him travel back here.

That story is hilarious. I like the part about the plagues that included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable. Sound terrible.

Glad to see you're well and having fun with your kinfolk there.

Jack K. said...

Good to know you are having such a good time, and you are feeling so much better.

Take care.

Rob said...

Hi Merle, I'm pleased to see you're all having a good time, I see Peter still has plenty to smile about. I was also very pleased to see Jeanette, I've been worried about her because she hasn't written in her blog for ages now. Anyway I'm glad everyone is okay.

Peter said...

My taxes are all paid up Dave... but why would I want to leave the best country in the world anyway????
As everyone seems to have commented yes, we are all having a good time here, will soon be time to start heading west though as its a darned long way!!!!

Joy Des Jardins said...

Nice pictures good to see your smiling, beautiful face.... and it's always good to see Peter too. You look like you're having a good visit with everyone dear friend. Take care of yourself dear friend... Hugs, Joy

Linda May said...

G'Day Merle,
And my dear friend I wish you enough of everything.Enjoy your visitors.
We have had lovely rain here too, I just wish it wouldn't do it on the weekend.Last weekend was perfect this weekend grey and dripping. Looks like our beloved earth has returned to her more gentle cycles and away from drought at last.
Look after yourself .

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle, that Bible story is a classic! From the mouthes of babes...It was nice to see your photos, especially with Jeanette, as like some of your other commenters here, I was quite worried about her absence from her blog. Did she say anything about that to you? I guess some people 'get over' blogging after a while. Val did, but I'm glad we met up and became good friends before she stopped blogging!

Patty said...

Merle, photo makes you look like you're feeling pretty good. Glad to know that. My check up went great, was told my red cells are a little large, but could be many reasons causing that. Apparently they aren't too worried. I go back in 6 months.
The Judas story someone had sent me a while back and I posted it. I thought it was so cute. Kids are like us older people, we don't always understand the words they are using since they sound different to us. LOL Have a nice (what's left of it) week-end.

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad you had company and by that smile on your face you were glad also, very nice photos. I guess I couldn't explain the Bible better than a child, this was a classic.