Post 705 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 1st October, 2010.
Hello my Friends ~ ~ Back with you again after having a great couple of days
with Kathy and her 3 youngest kids. They sure dwarf Grandma these days,
as you can see, but they all helped with lots of jobs etc. We went out to
Bunnings (they forgot to have the sign up banning me, Robyn) so I bought
a trolley full of goodies which Nick wheeled around without complaint.
Then he planted some tomato plants, lettuce plants and some flowers for
my fairy garden. So it all looks nice and was very much appreciated, Nick.
Many thanks, and the girls washed dished and helped serve up meals etc
so they were also very helpful. Kathy keeps going all the time and
nothing seems to trouble her. So Thank you very much to her also.
And here they are ~ ~ Jorja 12, Krissy 17, Granny OLD, Nick 15.
Kathy and her three youngest.
Another one of the three kids. Jorja, Krissy and Nick. About to leave for home.
The first item tonight is from a book called "Impressions" given to me by
my cousin Michelle. Thank you Michelle. I have chosen "One Day at a Time"
One day at a time, this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past - for it is gone.
And do not be troubled about the future, for it hasn't yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
Now to find some jokes for you ~ ~ ~
One from Mountain Wings titled "Birth Control."
Mrs Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up
with Father Flaherty. The Father said, "Top of the morning to ye. Aren't
you Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry you and yer husband two years ago.?"
"Aye, that ye did Father," she replied.
"And have you any wee little ones yet?" the priest asked.
"No, not yet, Father," she replied.
"Well, now," the priest said, "I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light
a candle for ye and yer husband."
"Oh, thank you Father," she said and they parted ways.
Several years later, they met again. The Father asked, "Well now,
Mrs Donovan, how are ye these days?"
"Oh, very well Father,," she replied enthusiastically.
"And tell me, do you have any wee ones yet?" the priest asked.
"Oh yes Father," she replied. "Three sets of twins and four singles --
- 10 in all."
"That's wonderful," he said, "And how is yer loving husband doing?"
"Not so well, Father," Mrs Donovan responded. "He's gone to Rome
to blow out yer candle!!"
Next one is from my friend Embee in the UK. Thank you Mike.
It is called "DAMN FINE EXPLANATION."
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom
making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig," she cried.
How dare you do this to me . . a faithful wife, the mother of your
children. I'm leaving you -- I want a divorce right away."
And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love so I can at least
tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll
be the last words you say to me."
And the husband began -- "Well I was getting into the car to drive home
and the young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and
out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas
I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.
Then as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have
had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my
understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me
with tears in her eyes and said, "Please . . . Do you have anything else
your wife doesn't use?"
One from my Canberra friend Linda L. Thank you. Linda.
In the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack . . and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him, "I don't
know what to do with you here," says the devil.
You're on my list, but I don't have room for you, You definitely have to
stay here, so I'll tell you what I'll do. I've got some folks who weren't quite
as bad as you are. I'll let one of them go . but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
OJ thinks this sounds pretty good, so the devil opens the door to the first room.
In it is Ted Kennedy, in a large pool of water. Ted keeps diving in and surfaces -
Over and over, he dives in, and surfaces . . .with nothing.
Such is his fate in Hell. "No," says OJ. "I don't think so."
"I'm not a good swimmer, and I couldn't do that all day long."
The devil leads him to the next door.
In it is Al Gore with a sledgehammer, and a room full of rocks.
All he does is swim the hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good," says OJ. "I have this problem with my shoulder."
"I would be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks day and night."
The devil opens the third door.
OJ sees Bill Clinton, lying on a bed, arms tied over his head, his legs
restrained in a spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
OJ looks in shocked disbelief, and finally says, "Yeah man. I could
live with this."
The devil smiles ..... and says,
"OK, Monica . . . you're free to go."
A short one from my friend Gina called "BREAKING NEWS. Thanks.
To save the economy in 2010, The Gillard government will start
deporting all the weird old people.
In order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs...
I started crying -- when I thought of you.
RUN, YOU OLD FART< RUN !!!!!
I'm not going alone.
A few Doctor's Tales from Mountain Wings.
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have a baby in
the cab." I grabbed my stuff and rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that
there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," the parient said sadly.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about
twenty years, when my husband was alive."
During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed the doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" asked the doctor. "The patch."
The nurse told me to put a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put them."
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
wouldn't see ;
The man had over fifty patches on his body. Now, the instructions also
include removal of the old patch before applying the new one. And you
always wondered why instructions seem to state the obvious.
Enough for tonight my friends. I hope you can read this size font, as I am
having difficulty. If you press Control and the Plus sign it will enlarge.
Take good care of yourselves and each other. I hope your lives are great.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 705 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 1st October, 2010.