Monday, March 07, 2011

Best ever Senior Citizen's Joke.

Post 728 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 7th March, 2011.

Hello again my friends ~ ~ It is nice to be back with you again and
feeling so much better. I was so anxious about that little procedure
that it is such a relief for it to be all over and nothing bad found.

I hope all your lives are going well and health and happiness are
a big part of your lives. I would like to again say a big Thank You
to all those who sent such kind and generous comments.
I actually said to the Urologist afterwards, "I was sorry I chickened
out and asked for a general anesthetic." He said, "No worries,
there are no bravery awards handed out here."

My granddaughter Bec sent me some photos of our Christmas trip to
Gympie She is John's middle daughter, This is Peter, my brother, Me and
my son John who took me on the trip to Queensland, just before the floods.
Peter is holding a chair (not a hat).

This one is a bit older, Peter's first wife Jacqui, who was visiting, my son Geoff and
his wife Joanne and me. Geoff was the son who took me to hospital and brought me
home and stayed the first night with me. Believe it or not, the two nights he spent
here, I had the best sleeps for years. He came up after work, and stayed that night
so we had an early start. I didn't expect to get much sleep. Nice surprise.

The first joke tonight was sent from my blogging friend, Jim. Thanks, Jim.
Best ever Senior Citizen joke.

A little silver- haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over
here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure how to
get started.
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it;s finished?"

The little silver-haired lady says, " According to the picture on the box
it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns
to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have
a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh . . . . . . .

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"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
The next two are from my Canberra friend, Linda May. Thank you Linda.

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted. "I want to die in peace."
"I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother.

"I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one.

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

We phoned the local company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived
and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots
back into the house.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.
The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night so she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon. "He's
just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said
as we drove away. "She was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her
butt with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off,
so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to
keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt
downstairs and threw her into the back yard."

The cab driver hit a parked car.
<><> I had to laugh typing that one.Another from Linda. Thank you.

My Favorite Animal.
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said,
"Fried Chicken.:

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right because
everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always to be truthful and honest, and I am.
Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my Dad and he said my
teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much.

I do too. Especially, chicken, pork and beef. Anyway my teacher
set me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he
laughed too. Then told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite animal
was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd
asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make
them into fried chicken.

She sent back me to the principal's office. He laughed again, and then
told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me
to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now.....
<><> I also laughed typing this one. Thanks Linda.

Last item tonight ~~ Called JOIN THE CLUB.
Author Unknown.
Just a line to say I'm living,
That I'm not amongst the Dead,
Though I'm getting more forgetful.
And mixed up in my head.

I've got used to my Arthritis
To my Dentures I'm resigned.
I can cope with my bifocals,
But ye gods, I miss my mind.

Sometimes I can't remember
When I'm standing by the stair,
If I should be going up for something,
Or have I just come down from there?

And before the Fridge so often,
My mind is full of doubt,
Now did I put some food away?
Or did I come and take some out.

If it's not my turn to write Dear,
I hope you won't get sore.
I may think that I have written.
And don't want to be a bore.

So remember I do love you,
And wish that you lived near.
But now it's time to mail this,
And say Goodbye my Dear.

I stand beside the mail box,
And my face, it sure is red.
Instead of posting this to you,
I've opened it instead.

Well that is enough for tonight. And that poem is too true to be
funny. I often seem to post things that I have previously posted
So please be patient with me. Take great care of yourselves and
each other. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 728 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 7th March, 2011.


Anonymous said...

Hi Merle, I laughed my posterior off! So funny and often so true...perhaps that's what makes the jokes so funny...I've often been in the same situation! I loved all of them, but the one about the "cornflake puzzle" had me "rolling on the floor laughing". Enjoyed the photos of your happy your procedure had a good report! Love you, Theanne

Deborah Wilson said...


I knew that I would find a laugh here on your blog. I can identify with "Join the Club" - perhaps it's not just a senior thing?..:)

I hope that you are feeling better - I'll be thinking of you.

p.s.) I'm going to borrow your joke below, "Retirement" - my blog looks so depressing, it needs a smile.

Beth E. said...

Sweet Merle,
I'm so glad your procedure is over, and that you are doing well.

Thank you for the jokes. I liked the one about the New Year's Eve party!

Your pictures are wonderful! You have a beautiful family.

Love and prayers...

HORIZON said...

Merle - smashing photos of you with your two boys and l am so glad that Geoff got to stay with you during your hospital visit etc. The result is good news too ;)
As for your jokes- you gave me a laugh tonight with the ' fried chicken' one and the poem at the end was funny. I'm a bit worried though- l tend to put things in the wrong places all the time and climb the stairs and wonder what l went up for???? Can just imagine how it will be in a few years time if this is what l'm like now- l feel sorry for my family.
lots of love

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad you had good news with your procedure, it is always nice to find everything is good. Liked the pictures. Corn flakes, maybe she did not have on her glass's on. I don't blame her for poisoning him, so would I. Some I have read before but enjoyed them anyway. Have a nice week.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Well I am thrilled that your procedure is over and done with and that everything was fine Merle. These things worry us all and it's such a relief when they're done. I love the pics of everyone.

Take care, relax and enjoy your days sweet friend... ~Joy xo

PEA said...

Dearest Merle,

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling so much better. I'm the same way where any type of medical procedure is concerned, always get so filled with anxiety. As you say, such a big relief when it's all over! lol Great news that your results showed nothing bad:-)

Love that picture of you, Peter and John. Christmas doesn't seem that long ago and yet it's already been almost 3 months...the days are going by much too fast for me!!

Love the jokes as usual and they all had me giggling. "Join the Club" is so true, isn't it! lol Thank you for always making me smile when I come visit you dear friend. xoxo

Lady Di Tn said...

Nice photos and what good sons you have. The jokes were very funny.
Wishing you enough Peace

Dave said...

So glad to hear you're feeling so much better Merle! *Smile*

I absolutely loved the jokes, especially the Fried Chicken one!

Patty said...

Glad the procedure went well for you. Also nice you got two nights of restful sleep. Loved the one of the man trying to get the cat out of the house. What a shock that taxi driver was going through. LOL Sorry haven't been around much, by the time I read some blogs, also read Facebook, do everything else that needs to be done, then I don't have as much time as I would like to comment on blogs like I use to. Guess I'm just getting slower all the time. LOL Abe was suppose to go to his heart doctor today, they switched it once, doctor had to work at the hospital, then this morning they called, early, said the doctor is out sick. So now his appointment is for April 5th. Tried to get it for next week, since I am going to the same building for a six month check up at my oncologist. But his doctor is booked full. Week end is coming up, hope you have a great week-end with lots of friends/family dropping by.

Mountain Mama said...

Thank goodness your procedure turned out ok. I pray our Loed will keep you well dear.
It must be the season for procedures. I had a few at the hospital on Saturday and looks like more coming up. They say these are our golden years. I don't know who said that but I think I'd like to punch them a few times! LOL!
I loved your jokes Merle. Especially the Cornflake Puzzle. Oh my gosh that's so funny. My mother had Alzheimer's for several years before she passed away and I can relate to these kinds of jokes very well. I have lived them. We must have a sense of humor at times like this or it will destroy us. I remember one day my dear mother thought my satin embroidered quilt patches were handkerchiefs and blew her nose in some of them. I had to toss them in the trash. It was a lot of work embroidering them but thank the Lord I was able to see the humor in it all.
Keep the great jokes coming for us honey lady. You certainly cheer a lot of lives. Bless you.

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle I hope all is OK with you. Medical procedures are horrible. As you know I just got diagnosed with a serious illness but I can tell you I'd be far more terrified if it was a serious physical ailment.

There are worse things in life for a dr to note down symptom wise than "elevation of mood". True I have been feeling depressed lately but I still get more ups than downs so i try and keep it all in perspective.

I feel very lost and confused over the whole thing and I don't know what to do. When you're physically ill you lie in bed all day and get better. What do you do when the illness is mental? And "severe" at that. It really did get Severe, Merle I totally lost my mind one particular day I didn't even know you could lose your mind in quite that fashion.

Anyway sorry to go on about myself, I'm glad you're OK, take care of yourself Merle lots of love


Anonymous said...

OH Merle I love your jokes. I laughed my A off too. I needed to laugh today. I called my son who equally needed a laugh and he told me one.
His words, Oh us Mclemores, our form of humor in bad times. We laughed.
Thank you Love

Big Dave T said...

If I had any kind of procedure with a urologist, I would ask for general anesthesia too. Sensitive stuff down there. It seems like mother nature is really playing havoc with your side of the world over there, with the earthquakes, tsunamis and all. Now it's Japan. We just have snow to worry about.

Nice pictures of you and the family there. You all do a good job of smiling for the camera.

Anonymous said...

Merle Sue again, That joke about the Fried Chicken hit home for my husband. He tells me "If it is not fried it is NOT Chicken.

LZ Blogger said...

Merel ~ Great pictures of very fond memories I am sure! ~ j///b

Pearl said...

Love...the cornflakes joke.

So very happy to hear your procedure is over and no problems.
Take good care.
Sending you hugs,

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad your doing alright and good news from the procedure.

Loved the jokes especially the corn flakes one.

Have a great week.


audrey` said...

Hello Merle!!! :))) Thank you so much for sharing the lovely photos with us. Please take care (((HUGS)))

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