Post 782 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 20th May, 2012.
Hello my friends ~~ I hope this finds you well and happy with your lives. I am feeling much better than last week and am usually happy or at least content. It took me a while to upload the photo of my son John and his lovely little 10 year old Maltese Terrier, I had minded her for a week or so, and John came to take her home.
I guess it is the last time I will mind her. John is afraid she will trip me over, but Fluff is good when we are on our own. A firm word and she seems to know I am shaky. That was back in September last year.
After losing the picture three times I will leave it at the top.
Bye the way ~~ I have 6 baby lemons growing on my little tree - The first ever grown by myself.
I go around the back and visit them and am very pleased about them. Only as big as a pea, yet.
Now for some jokes and I will start with the title one from my friend Linda in Canberra. Thank you Linda.
The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife . .. . . ..
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, " I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom, had a bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children", she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum. and wrap wire around it to hold
it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I am Tom Smith."
The entire congregation held it's breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is STERNUM."
Next is a Pearly Gates item called "Proud Mom."
Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat". "dog" "Mom" and "Dad." had been proudly displayed for all to see.
Ine morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters. -G-O-D. Look what I spelled Mom?
Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful," she said, Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see them when he gets home tonight. That Christian education is certainly having an impact, she thought happily.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen.
"Mom, How do you spell "zilla"?
Next one was sent by my good friend Barbara. Thank you Barbara.
An old one come back but it still touches the heart-strings, M.
WE DON'T NEED TOO MANY FRIENDS............JUST GOOD FRIENDS ! Let's see if you send this back...
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy..
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck,
"These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller.
Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would." With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy. "How much?" asked the little boy...
"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love." The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Next item was sent by my good friend Patriacia. Thank you Patty. I hope Abe is doing well.
Of course the picture didn't come through!!!!
This is an actual size of Noah's Ark
My good friend Lady Di sent the next ones. Thank you Dianne.
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six year old daughter Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.
Out bicycling one day with my eight year old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.
"In ten years," I said, "You'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."
Carolyn shrugged, "In ten years time you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give 4 year old Lizzie her needle.
"No, No, No." she screamed. "Lizzie, " scolded her mother, "That's not polite behavior.
With that the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you, No thank you."
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son. "Dad,I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained that's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle? Blank stares. "Well, you have probably seen his his face on his lemonade carton.
An eight year old girl said, " How long was he missing?"
God's Problem Now.
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished. when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
"Well, she's there."
A smile - is a sign of joy.
A hug - is a sign of love.
A laugh - is a sign of happiness.
And a friend like me? Well that's just a sign of good taste.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. ~~Albert Schweitzer.
Well I think it is time to call it a day my friends. Enjoy your lives and look after each other and yourselves. I am so pleased to feel so much better this week. Peter and his daughter will be back in time for my 78th birthday on Thursday. There are lots of folks older and fitter, but I know that I am old. Peter will be 76, 4 days later on 28th, So neither of us is young.
Take great care, my love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post ~ ~ ~ 782 ~~ Sunday, 20th May, 2012.