Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Top 5

Post  793 ~~ Sunday, 29th  July,  2012

Hello Everyone ~~ Another week is over and almost another month.  How the time flys as we get older.  I have had a long sad week until my brother in law was finally laid to rest on Thursday.  Somehow things seem brighter once the funeral is over, not that we forget the ones we love by any means, but it does conclude the situation.

I hope you are all doing well out there - keeping as well as is possible and not having too much heat or cold - depending where you live.  It has been reasonable here with rain every now and then which does my garden good and the farmers want it also.  I am feeling quite well and managing  as well as I can.  Slow but sure!!!

Well, time to find something for you. First  is from Mountain wings called  "The Top  Five".

MountainWings       A MountainWings Moment
#12206          Wings Over The Mountains of Life
The Top 5
>From the marriage counseling experience of my wife and I, these
are things we've seen in common among couples. Keep in mind,
these are not all the things by far, only the top 5 most common
we've seen. Every divorce "WE KNOW OF" had a failure in at least
one of these areas. Also keep in mind that lack of "TRUE"
spiritual connection with God is the underlying root cause of
many of the manifested symptoms.

Top 5 things that husbands want from their wives:
1. Peace (no nagging, with respect and support given)
2. Good, frequent sex. (Average 3+ times a week, will vary
   depending on age, health and drive)
3. Good food.
4. Good financial stewardship.
5. Attractive physical appearance.

Top 5 things that wives want from their husbands:
1. Financial security.
2. Sexual faithfulness.
3. Respectful communication (with anger well managed and
   appreciation felt)
4. Fairness in efforts (household duties, kids, bills).
5. Sexual satisfaction.

~James and Stephanie Bronner, authors of Bedroom Talk~

Next also from Mountain Wings called  "Unique Breakfast." 
Unique Breakfast
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read
"Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down.

The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he

"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively.

"Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.

"Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken!
Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?

I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a
chicken's mouth!" he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"

"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.

One from my dear friend Lady Di called "Why We Love Children." Thanks Dianne.

Why We Love Children.

1) NUDITY  I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS  On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP  A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2  It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY  While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP  A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH  While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages..
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'

Next one is from my dear friend Jeanette called 
"Tribute to Mudders". Thanks Jan.

When me prayers were poorly said Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me ass was red,

Me Mudder!

Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not,

Me Mudder!

And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum, 
Me Mudder!

Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,

Me Mudder!

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit, 

Me Mudder!

When at night her bed did squeak
Me raised me head to have a peek
Who yelled at me to go to sleep,

Me Fadder!


This one was sent to me by my dear friend Lady Di and it is about why some people were lucky on September 11th.  Thank you Dianne.
The ' L I T T L E ' Things

As you might remember, the head of a company survived 
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her

Alarm clock didn't go off on time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike

Because of an auto accident.

One of them

Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.

Car wouldn't start.

One couldn't
Get a taxi.

he one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
took the various means to get to work
but before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.

That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am
stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, 
turn back to answer a ringing telephone
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself, this is exactly where
God wants me to be at this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be
going wrong ,

You can't seem to find the car keys,

you hit every traffic light,

don't get mad or frustrated;
It may be just that

God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little things

and may you remember their possible purpose.


Well my friends, that is it for tonight, so goodbye for
 now until next weekend- all being well. Look after 
yourselves and each other and try to brighten some-
one's day with one of your smiles, or a kind word.
My love and best wishes to you all.  Cheers,  Merle.

Post  793  ~ ~ ~  Sunday,  28th  July,  2012.


Peter said...

Sorry Merle this is the best I can do, the format of the last part (The Songs & Artists)messed up the rest of the post, sorry also that I lost Jim's comment.

Lee said...

A sad time for you, Merle. But keep your chin up, my dear!

Love your post. :) Take good care of yourself.

audrey` said...

Yes, it's a new month now. Time flies. Take care :)

Dave said...

Excellent post as always Merle! *S*

BTW, stop by my blog, there's something special there.

Gina E. said...

That last piece is very profound. I've had several moments of being 'tapped on the shoulder' by an unseen guardian angel, and turned away from something I was going to do. Only to find out minutes or even weeks later, there was a reason..