Wake Up Poem.

Post  791  ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 14th  July,  2012.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope you are all surviving the weather whether it is from cold or heat. It seems we are all having trouble in that area. Remember, 'this too will pass'. I hope you are all as well as can be and enjoying your lives.  I am doing fine and enjoying life in front of the heater or in my warm bed.  We have had quite a lot of rain and dreary days. Winter Brr.

I have caught up on a few small sewing jobs which is a huge plus for me as it takes me up to 10 minutes to thread a needle.  I have those ones where you press the yarn down through a split top. I have to use the magnifying glass to find the split edge.  It's all fun!!!

The first item  I have renamed  "Wake Up Poem". I hope that is OK Lee. Thank you for this.

 Daftland 

We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some Daftland law.

In Daftland we've police dogs with muzzles
Less the villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say 'sorry'
Means you’re free with no stain to your name.

  You had better leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
'cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there's no way you'll be in the right.

When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you've used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you'll end up in all sorts of strife.

We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole thing has got out of hand.

The borders are open in Daftland
And of migrants there's no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally here
Will ever be caught and sent back.

The exception to this is the hero
Who fought for this land in the war?
He's old and he's sick, he might cost us a bit
So he's not welcome here any more.

When the history is written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.

 

 And that ladies and gentlemen is why they are also calling Australia .....

“THE SILLY COUNTRY”

And contrary to popular belief the REDHEAD RUNNING IT is NOT Ronald McDonald, though he would undoubtedly do a much better job of it.

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Thank you Lady Di for the Children Writing about the Ocean.  Thank you Dianne.

CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN

 

1)   This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2)   Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age  6)
3)   If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Richard, age 7)

4)   Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like  Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5)   A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy,  age 8)
6)  My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots  and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7)    When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off  eating beans. (William, age 7)
8)  Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?  Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age7)
11)   When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willsmall. (Kevin, age 6)
12)  Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13)   On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why
the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
   

15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

If

  you didn't chuckle at one of these, you need to find a better sense of  humour.

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Subject: Fw: The First Ever Male Blonde Joke. Thanks Lee for this one.

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.  They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'  The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'  The blonde opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too..'  The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.  The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.    The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.  At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'  The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'  (Oh this is GOOD!!)  Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot made his own lunch.' <><>  Yet another one from Lee. Thank you my friend for 'Magic Water'.

Subject: MAGIC WATER

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason.  It scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.  Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and is asleep." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.    The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?" The Doctor says: "The water does f*** all.  It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...." <><> One from Mountain Wings called  'Overworked.'

OVERWORKED
===========

...do you ever feel like this person?

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep,
not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax
buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked . . . Here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school,
which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government,
leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and
city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are sitting at your computer reading this
MountainWings issue.

Leaving me to do all the work.

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 Last one for this post sent to me by my friend in Canberra, Linda.  Thank you.

 
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1.    U CAN'T COUNT YOUR HAIR

2.   U CAN'T WASH YOUR EYES WITH SOAP

3.    U CAN'T BREATHE WHEN YOUR TONGUE IS OUT

        PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN FOOL    

        10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU

1.      U ARE READING THIS

2.     U ARE HUMAN

3.    U CAN'T SAY THE LETTER "P" WITHOUT SEPARATING YOUR LIPS

4.    U JUST ATTEMPTED TO DO IT

6.     U ARE LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

7.     YOU HAVE A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND YOU SKIPPED  #5

8.     U JUST CHECKED TO SEE IF THERE WAS A #5

9.    U  LAUGH  AT THIS BECAUSE OF YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

10.    U ARE PROBABLY GOING TO SEND THIS TO SEE WHO ELSE FALLS FOR IT
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Well  my friends -_time to say Goodnight until next time.  Look after yourselves and
each other. Enjoy living - the alternative doesn't seem too great. 
My  love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

 
 Post  791  ~~~  Sunday,  14th  July,  2012.
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