Sunday, September 23, 2012

What Women Want.

Post   801  ~ ~ ~ 23rd September,  2012.

Hello My Friends ~~ Well the weekend here is nearly over as it is nearly 7 pm on Sunday night.  I am doing OK and hope you are the same and enjoying your lives. The weather has been very nice, buy I am not out in it much.  Instead I sit inside and continue to go to sleep at any drop of the hat. What a woeful waste of time.

My news at the doctor was up and down.  He said my blood tests all came back good, but  he didn't itemize them and I didn't ask him to.  I go back in 3 months and he has ordered more blood tests, and I was surprised, so he added  Blood tests every visit from now on.
I do not mind them, but am wondering how good those results were.

I have always asked him to tell me the truth, so he let me have it and said my lungs both had fluid and that is a sign of impending heart failure.  He gave me no idea how impending
the signs were, but was truthful.  My B/P was too low also  113/53 and this is due to a
medication I take to reduce fluid, so has to stay. It is quite amazing that I feel so well and positive. I do not plan to worry about these things ~ whatever will be will be,

Now for some things to read. 

MountainWings       A MountainWings Moment
#3121          Wings Over The Mountains of Life

WHAT WOMEN WANT!  A good story ~~ Enjoy.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of
a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but
was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered
him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if after a
year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man,
and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But since it
was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to
have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody:
the princess, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.

He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory
answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, only
she would know the answer.

The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative
but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question,
but he'd have to accept her price first:

The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous,
had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises,
etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure
such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to
Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered
Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth
and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had!

Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper
as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst
manners on display, and generally made everyone very

The honeymoon hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight
awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before

The astounded Gawain asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when
she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible,
deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be
her beautiful maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during
the night?

What a cruel question!

Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful
woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy
of his home, an old witch?

Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a
beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read it until you've
made your own choice.

Make YOUR choice BEFORE you read Gawain's answer!

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all
the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in
charge of her own life.

What is the moral of this story?
The moral is:
If your woman doesn't get her own way,
things are going to get ugly!

~Author Unknown~
 Next is from my good friend Patricis in the U.S. about
an Aussie Government Error. 

What a freaking idiot!!
 If this wasnt so serious it would be funny!! 


Peter Garrett (ex lead singer of Midnight Oil, now a Minister in the Labour Government of Australia)
The Australian Government and the NSW Forestry Service were presenting an alternative to NSW sheep farmers for controlling the dingo population.

It seems that after years of the sheep farmers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the Labour Government (Peter Garrett - Environmental Minister), the NSW Forestry Service and the Greens tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated, - and let loose again.

Therefore the dingo population would be controlled.

This was ACTUALLY proposed to the NSW Sheep Farmers Association.

All of the sheep farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.    

Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said,
Mr Garrett, son, I don't think you understand our problem,   those dingo's ain't f*****g our sheep,   they're eatin' 'em.

You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter as Mr Peter Garrett and the members of the NSW Forestry Service, the Greens and the other "tree huggers" left the meeting very "sheepishly".

 Someone save us from these idiots..
 Another from Mountain Wings called "Thin People Don't"..

Thin People Don't =================== I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer.

After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently.

 The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people: avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy; split a large combination pizza with three friends; think Oreo cookies are for kids; nibble cashews one at a time; think that doughnuts are indigestible; read books they have to hold with both hands; become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch; fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips; counteract the mid-afternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;

Exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock- radio; lose their appetites when they're depressed; think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids; save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups; throw out stale potato chips;

Will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store; think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate; don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound; warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream;

 try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert; find iced tea more refres
 hing than an ice-cream soda; get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table;

Have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color; think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert;

 bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box;

think banana splits are for kids. ~By Barbara Florio Graham,

Next one from my good friend Linda, in Canberra.

 An Aussie Story

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but
halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'
'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

So .... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know..

'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... but you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?

'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year,  his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked,  "So, is your Daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''

The father groans and whispers,  'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and politician!


My cousin Karyn in New Zealand sent me this one

Who knew?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never advertised for this use.
Honey remedy for skin blemishes...... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine
, a powerful antiseptic..

Vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process..
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief.... it's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

If you send this to one person who doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.


Well my friends I think that is enough to wade through. Take great care of yourself ad your loved ones. Give a smile  to someone who may need just that.  Love and Best wishes to you all.
Cheers,  Merle. 

Post   801  ~~ Sunday,  23rd  September,  2012.


audrey` said...

"It is quite amazing that I feel so well and positive." YES! This is indeed very amazing. All glory and honour belong to our Lord. Please take very good care of yourself, dearest friend Merle (((HUGS))) and a lot of love to you too :)

Granny Annie said...

Actually your blood pressure sounds excellent to me. What does your doctor think it should be? I'm guessing that top number could be even lower. Guess we are all different.

Oh yes, what women want...we are often referred to as "control freaks".

Lee said...

You've got the right attitude; a positive one, Merle. You're taking good care of yourself and if you feel like having a nap or have no one to answer to; particularly now that Fluff has gone back home! ;)

Love your always. Hugs. :)

Joy Des Jardins said...

I like your positive attitude Merle...but that doesn't surprise me about you. Worrying about these things doesn't help...that I know for sure. I hope you continue to feel good...and stay positive. Take care sweet friend... ~Joy xo

Lady Di Tn said...

Thanks for another interesting and funny post. Your attitude will help you more than any medicine will. Mimi did not have fluid on her lungs but a nurse told her before she left the hospital ( No family member was with her at the time) that she was in congestive heart failure. I think the nurse should have kept it to herself as Mimi is a worrier and that will not help her. Wishing you enough. Peace

Big Dave T said...

The power of positive thinking can do wonders. Good for you. Good story about Arthur; I think that's a good moral for all of us men.

We're back from our vacation but I wanted to mention that on one of our tours, there were four Australians in our party. There were two young Aussie women on two-year tourist visas backpacking across Europe. I was talking to one of them and she mentioned that you can eat kangaroo meat and it's supposed to be healthy too. Didn't know that.

They were from Sidney, by the way.

Jim said...

Glad to hear all the good news, Merle. The bad news about the BP doesn't sound bad to me. Sometimes mine gets down there too but the doctors haven't complained. I think my BP meds take mine down.

I liked your jokes about funny skinny men. I don't eat popcorn or donuts (been six years off now) but I DO EAT all of those other things. Of course I'm not skinny either.

Did you know that I subscribe to the "Tree Hugger" e-newsletter? We don't have dingos here so I never learned how to control their growth.

Hope your reports keep getting better and better,
Oh yes, did you know that Adi has passed on?
Adi was a very good dog (link)

Peter said...

Hi Merle, sorry to hear you have more health problems, but I'm confident that a positive attitude will help you solve them, love.... Peter

Dave said...

I'm sorry to hear of your health issues Merle... I'll be praying they get better soon.

Great post... loved the jokes, especially the "dingo" one!
(I finally posted a blog post today!)