Saturday, October 06, 2012

My Favorite Joke.

Post  803  ~~ ~ Sunday,  7th  October,  2012.

Hello My Friends ~~~ How is the world treating you this weekend? All good at your place I hope as it is here. Daylight Savings starts tomorrow, so I have put my watch ahead one hour and will do the microwave next time I pass that way.  I have 3 wall hanging clocks that are too high for me and John is in Tasmania for the week, so I hope Michael turns up tomorrow.  He usually calls in on Saturdays,  cuts my lawns or just to see how I am.

It rained all day today and was very cold after a few warm days, so heaters on and another layer to keep warm. Even Fluff was shivering, so I think she spent most of the day in her bed.  I must admit I went back for a while myself today when it looked so bleak, so after I had some breakfast and gave Fluff hers. I figured if I was just going to put my head down on my desk or table and sleep, I would be better comfortable in bed on my raised pillows.

Well I got an item from my friend in Q'ld., Lee called Redemption, and was surprised to find a joke I have liked for a long time as it is easy to remember.  Thank you Lee.

  Subject: Redemption

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, 
under a rescue helicopter. 
10 men and 1 woman. 
The rope was not strong enough to carry them 
all, so they decided that one had to leave 
because otherwise they were all going to fall. 
They weren't able to choose that person, 
until the woman gave a very touching speech. 
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, 
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her 
husband and kids or for men in general, and was 
used to always making sacrifices with little in return. 
As soon as she finished her speech, 
all the men started clapping ......

Next one from my friend Linda in Canberra, called Children and Grandparents. 
Thanks  Linda.

Children and Grandparents.

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Si tting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

A Pearly Gates item about Cards you will never see from Hallmark.

Here is today's PearlyGates item. Cards You Will Never See From Hallmark

 "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

 "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" 

 "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What on earth was I thinking?" 

 "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." 

 "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

 "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!" 

 "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." 

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

 "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise." 

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits." "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

 "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often." 

Thank you so much Lady Di for  "Hi Lord".  Thanks Dianne.
 Dianne Herndon
akas Kitty Justice

"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet."
Roger Miller

Subject: Hi Lord

Hi Lord, it’s me.   We are getting older and things are getting bad here. Gas prices are too high, no jobs, food and heating costs too high. I know some have taken you out of our schools, and even Christmas, but Lord I'm asking you to come back and re-bless America . We really need you!   There are more of us who want you than those who don't! Thank You Lord, I Love you.  
If you agree, send it on---if not just delete.  Only you & the Lord will know. 
"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."
   Wings Over The Mountains of Life


So the Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the
radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding and the
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been
drinking?" And the minister says, "No, just water." 

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister
looks down at the bottle and says,

"Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Well my friends I think it is time to close this post. I hope you got a laugh or two. Most of all I hope you are enjoying your lives. Be kind to each other and look after yourselves
and each other. My love and best wishes to you all.Cheers, Merle.
Post  803 ~~ Sunday,  7th  October, 2012.


Big Dave T said...

Hi Merle! For once I think we have similar weather. It's a bit nippy over here in Michigan too. I'm thinking it's time to turn on the furnace. I liked your jokes, even the one about the lady who was holding on to the helicopter rope. I'm nursing a cold myself here, probably caught it during our trip.

Speaking of our trip, the Aussies in our bus were talking about getting a job as waitresses to help pay for their trip. Somebody mentioned that they don't tip waiters and waitresses in Australia. Is that true? I know you have family that own a restaurant so I figured you would know. Thanks.

♥●• İzdihër •●♥ said...

You made my day, Merle.
God bless you.

audrey` said...

Good Morning, Merle!

Hope the clocks in your home are adjusted correctly now :)

HaHa! The helicopter joke is so funny. The men clapped their hands and the only lady held onto the rope. The lady is so smart.

Take care. Love and (((HUGS))) to you, my dearest friend.

Winifred said...

Hello Merle hope you are keeping well. It's chilly here too as we move into Autumn once again. Mind you we've only had about 3 weeks of decent weather this year.

Love those grandchildren quotes. They say such wonderful things & they're all so true! Take care. x

Lee said...

I wish we'd get some of that rain here, Merle. We need it badly. I had a million ants tramp through yesterday, so I hope they are here to herald the coming of the very near future. But,the ants had re-packed their suitcases and headed off elsewhere, because they were gone again today!!

Love your post, Merle. There's nothing wrong with crawling back into bed on a bleak day...I do it often when a day like that arrives...and take a good book with me!

Take good care...hugs. :)

Granny Annie said...

I would definitely clap for this great post but am too smart to let go of the rope:)

Patty said...

Hello my Dear Merle,
I'm back, but probably not for long, it seems I can't seem to stay caught up on reading the blogs, since I spend most of my time on Facebook. Facebook takes less time and energy for me. Or perhaps I'm just getting old and tired, probably a little of everything combined. This morning when I got up, it was heavy fog in the area. As the sun came out, it slowly went away. We're starting to have cooler weather, today's high was 58F. Not sure what that is in your temp reading. Almost time to fix a bite of supper. Tonight it will be fish, salad and some kind of fruit. Hope you've been well. My Mother's broken arm healed up just fine. She went back to her own home around the middle of Aug. She was in the rest home for around three weeks and then here for a little over three weeks. She said that was the first time she's ever been away from her own home that long. My leg finally healed, but I have to wear support hose all the time and try not to stand for long periods at a time. Seems it's always something. But all in all Abe and I are both doing pretty good compared to some our age. Tomorrow is laundry day Then Thursday will be grocery shopping day and preparing dinner for our one daughter that lives here in town and also for Abe, myself, daughter and Granddaughter that live here with us. It's also Cancer Awareness Month here, not sure if that is something all over the world, or just in US. Again, hope you've been well. Take care. I haven't forgotten you, I just don't know where my time goes, apparently I'm not using my time wisely. I get side tracked reading the blogs and don 't make it around to all I want to visit. Love, Patty

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ Sometimes I go back to bed too. Good for you! I generally watch the tele and it puts me right to sleep. I do that when I get up at 4 or 5 too, about 6:30 in the guest room so that I don't awaken Mrs. Jim.

I should live closer to my kids, then maybe they would visit you like your John and the nieces and Nephews do.

I liked your jokes. Making babies is probably the cutest.