Paper Route.

Post  785 ~~ Sunday, 21st  October,  2012.

Hello my friends ~~ How is the world treating you?  I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your lives.  I have had a rather ordinary week, but happily I feel better so hope that next week will be better and I can catch up. (Ha Ha Ha) Never will, I guess.

The weather has warmed up and a few days have not needed heaters on. I still put my
electric blanket on to get into a warm bed helps my back. Then I turn it off after a while.

I only had visitors two days, a cousin and his wife, and a niece the other day who I was pleased to see. Her father died recently and she has been very upset naturally  and I have only seen Lorraine twice in 3 months.  I was also glad to see Gordon and Phyll, who I saw last week. I always enjoy seeing them.

Well on with the job in hand. First tonight is from Mountain Wings called Paper Route.

 

Paper Route
============

Forty-three years seems like a long time to remember the name of
a mere acquaintance. I have duly forgotten the name of an old
lady who was a customer on my paper route when I was a twelve-
year-old boy in Marinette, Wisconsin back in 1954. Yet it seems
like just yesterday that she taught me a lesson in forgiveness
that I can only hope to pass on to someone else someday.

On a mindless Saturday afternoon, a friend and I were throwing
rocks onto the roof of the old lady's house from a secluded spot
in her backyard. The object of our play was to observe how the
rocks changed to missiles as they rolled to the roofs edge and
shot out into the yard like comets falling from the sky.

I found myself a perfectly smooth rock and sent it for a ride.
The stone was too smooth, however, so it slipped from my hand as
I let it go and headed straight for a small window on the old
lady's back porch. At the sound of fractured glass, we took off
from the old lady's yard faster than any of our missiles flew
off her roof. I was too scared about getting caught that first
night to be concerned about the old lady with the broken porch
window.

However, a few days later, when I was sure that I hadn't been
discovered, I started to feel guilty for her misfortune.
She still greeted me with a smile each day when I gave her the
paper, but I was no longer able to act comfortable in her
presence. I made up my mind that I would save my paper delivery
money, and in three weeks I had the seven dollars that I
calculated would cover the cost of her window.

I put the money in an envelope with a note explaining that I was
sorry for breaking her window and hoped that the seven dollars
would cover the cost for repairing it. I waited until it was
dark, snuck up to the old lady's house, and put the envelope of
retribution through the letter slot in her door. My soul felt
redeemed and I couldn't wait for the freedom of, once again,
looking straight into the old lady's eyes.

The next day, I handed the old lady her paper and was able to
return the warm smile that I was receiving from her. She
thanked me for the paper and said, "Here, I have something for
you."

It was a bag of cookies.

I thanked her and proceeded to eat the cookies as I continued my
route.

After several cookies, I felt an envelope and pulled it out of
the bag. When I opened the envelope, I was stunned.

Inside were the seven dollars and a short note that said,

"I'm proud of you."

~Author Unknown~

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Another from Mountain Wings called  "The  Advice".

 The Advice
===========

I was on an entrepreneurship panel with Dr. Samuel R. Chand,
then President of Beulah Heights Bible College.

The panel was taking questions from the audience.

A young student asked Dr. Chand,

"What advice would you give a person just starting out and
wanting to start his own business?"

Dr. Chand answered:

"The advice I would give is to get advice."



This advice applies to so many of the things in life.

Get advice, don't try to figure all this out on your own. 

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Next one is from my friend Warren in Brisbane, Qld.

It is called Medicare, Aussie Style.  Thanks Mate.

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well...  We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.  Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV.  We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Help-desk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!!!"
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A Pearly Gates one called Mind Reader.

Here is today's PearlyGates item.
Mind Reader

One day a young man was visiting the fair, over to one side was a small tent, with a sign that said "For 50 dollars I'll teach you to be a mind
reader! Apply within."

So the young man thought that he'd give it a go, and went inside. Behind a small table inside was an old man, who looked up when the young man entered
and says, "Ah, you must be here for the mind reading lessons."

"Well, yes" the young man said.

"Well, follow me, and I'll give you your first lesson." Then the old man goes out the back of the tent and walks over to a hose, which he picks up one
end of. "Here, hold this hose."

"Why?" said the young man.

"It's part of the lesson," replies the old man, "Now, look in the end and tell me what you see."

So the young man looks into the end of the hose, and only sees darkness. "I don't see anything," he tells the old man.

Just then the old man turns on a tap, and the hose shoots water into the young mans face, "I had a feeling you'd do something like that!" the young
man shouts at the old man.

"You are now a mind reader!" the old man replies, "That'll be 50 dollars."

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Maybe the last for tonight is another from Mountain Wingscalled  "Red Skelton's Recipe for a Perfect Marriage."   I hope you enjoy this one, folks.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
==============================================

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think
you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will
see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean,
and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's
from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get
a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I
go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and
mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way
back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
She said...  'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I
suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there
was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She
told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for
the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's
on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were
the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word...   It was just clean and simple fun....  And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

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Last one is called Read about this Virus. Sent by my cousin in New Zealand Karyn.  Thanks Karyn.

Subject: Please read about this VIRUS

VIRUS WARNING A VIRUS is going round called HOUSEWORK!!!! If you feel the need to start housework. Stop immediately. This virus wipes out your social life. If you should come in contact With housework go straight To the nearest store & Buy the only known antidote Which is called CHOCOLATE. Please forward this warning immediately To at least 6 friends. If you realize you do not have 6 friends You are already infected.

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Well that is it for this Sunday. Take care of yourselves and each other.  My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

 Post  785  ~  ~ ~  Sunday,  21st  October,  2012.
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