Saturday, December 15, 2012

Dog For Sale.

Post  811  Sunday,  16th  December,  2012.

Hello again my friends ~ ~ It is good to be with you again and I hope this finds you well and happy.  I am both, although I prefer the word  content.  My ramp outside the front entrance is finished and I am used to it.  They put rails around it yesterday and it now looks  like sale yards for cattle or a prison. However I will get used to that also.

I had better get on with these jokes, some good ones   I think.
First one tonight was sent to me by my cousin Bail. Thank you Bill. Hope all is well.
It is called Dog For Sale.


A man sees a sign outside a house -
'Talking Dog For Sale .'

He rings the bell, the owner appears
And tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk,
The man asks,  "So, tell me your story." 

The Labrador looks up and says,
"Well, I  discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told  the  SAS.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country
Sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders.
Because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping,                 
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years." 

"But the jetting around really tired me out,
And I knew I wasn't getting any younger
So I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport
To do some undercover security work,
Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings 
And was awarded several medals.
I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."            

The man was amazed
He goes back into the house and asks the owner
How much he wants for the dog. 

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10.....!!?  But this dog is absolutely  amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" 

"Because he's a lying bastard,                 
He's never been out of the garden."

 This was sent by my friend in Canberra.
 Thank you, Linda May.


TRY IT !  New technology is so amazing !

I thought that Google Earth was good, but this is even more precise. Check this out, pretty scary to know they can find you anywhere. I'm not surprised to learn that such technology exists. It uses your IP address and finds the exact location of any Internet user in seconds. It uses a sophisticated time based algorithm to do so.

Try it and find your PRECISE location on the earth, then watch your screen as the system briefly analyzes your data...then displays your PRECISE location. Your location will pop up in a new window in about 10 seconds or so.

Click on the link below......


One from my good friend in the U.S.  Lady Di called The Blonde and the Porch.
Thank you Dianne.

Subject: The Blonde and The Porch
A  young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money  for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and  started canvassing a nearby well-to-do  neighborhood.

She  went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had  any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well,  I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.  "How  much will you charge me?"

Delighted,  the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man  agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would  need were in the garage.

The  man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she  realize that our
porch goes ALL the way around the house?" 

"That's  a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The  wife replied, "You're right.  I guess I'm starting to believe all  those dumb blonde jokes."

A  few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.. 

"You're  finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes,"  the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two  coats."

Impressed,  the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along  with a $10 tip.

"Thank  you," the blonde said,  "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a  Lexus."
 Some short Mountain Wings ones ~~~~

Elephant Leg

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg,
and he is trying to run away,
it is best to let him run.

from The Mountain:
Sometimes it is just best to let some things go. 
In A World Filled...

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope.
In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort.
In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream.
And in a world filled with distrust,
we must still dare to believe."
~Michael Jackson~
Hints on How to Be a Friend

1. Be Trustworthy.

When a friend tells you a secret, keep it.
Don't repeat it to others.

Trust is a vital part of friendship.
Loss of trust can destroy a friendship.

2. Be sensitive.

Be aware of a friend's needs. Try to know when your friend
needs to be with you and when your friend wants to be alone.

Respect his or her wish for privacy and need for personal space.

3. Be dependable.

If you make a promise to a friend, keep it.
Don't let your friend down.

Be there for him or her in good times as well as bad.

Let friends know they can count on you.

4. Be a good listener.

Kids like to talk to someone who listens actively.

Show a genuine interest in the things that are important to your

Maintain eye contact while he or she talks.

5. Be honest.

Let a friend know how you feel.

If a friend says or does something that hurts you, talk it over
with him or her privately.

Express your feelings as honestly as you can, and encourage your
friend to do the same.

A man went out for a walk.

He came to a river and saw a woman on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo," he shouted, "how can I get to the other side?"

The woman looked up the river then down the river then shouted 
  "You're already on the other side."

Life and truth is often a matter of perspective and viewpoint.

When Things Go Wrong

When things go wrong don't go with them.
~Elvis Presley~
Yale Educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was terrible when it
came to counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asks.

"Yale," replies the lad. The manager is sure he's misheard the
man, so he asks his question again and the man again responds,

That can't be right, thinks the manager, so he decides he's
going to check it out online.

"And what's your full name again?" asks the manager.

"Yim Yohnston."

A Christmas Song
Please watch this lovely Christmas song by John Lennon. It is
my very favourite song for Christmas.
Well that is enough fun and frivolity my friends, so until next Sunday.  I am off to bed so I will be bright tomorrow.  My daughter Kathy and her two younger girls, Krissy nearly 20 and
Jorja 14, are coming for a flying visit which will be great for us all.
Goodbye my friends and look after each other and yourselves.
My love and best wishes to you all. I hope you enjoyed the song.
Cheers, Merle.
Post  811 ~ ~ ~ Sunday,  16th  December, 2012.


Lee said...

The ramp and rails will make it so much easier for you, Merle.

Thanks for the smiles. :)

I hope you enjoyed time with your visitors.

Take good care. Hugs!

Granny Annie said...

We are looking to add a ramp also. Know it will help you greatly.

Funny, funny jokes today. Love the "porch not a Lexus". LOL

audrey` said...

The ramp and rails will be very helpful. Please keep yourself warm and safe, my dear friend Merle. Much love and (((HUGS))) to you!

Lady Di Tn said...

We really need to add one for Mimi but she insist she does not need one. I do not take her anywhere now because if she falls, I cannot catch her with my back in the shape it is now. The ramp with rails will be very helpful so do not worry how it looks. Thanks for sharing my little joke and I hope the visit will be one of delight for you. Wishing you enough my friend. Love and Peace

Big Dave T said...

Hi Merle,

Glad you're well. I think I ran into that dog at Heathrow Airport. He didn't say anything to me though. Hope you have, or had, a nice visit with your family.

Jim said...

A wonderful post as usual, Merle ~~ Enjoy your visi with Kathy and the grand girls.

You joke about the lying dog that's never been out of the garden reminded me of our cat but now I can't remember why. Maybe because talking cats could make good spies.

At any rate I am still smilng at the talking dog joke, :)

Joy Des Jardins said...

That ramp will make things a lot easier for you Merle. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? Have a great visit with your always do. Much love dear friend... ~Joy