Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Dignified Grammarian.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope you are enjoying your

week-end and finding some fun things to do. We are

having some strong winds here at present. Great for

getting washing dry in quick time, but otherwise not

a lot of fun. I have a lovely Wisteria at my back door

with glorious lilac blooms all over it, and there is also

a carpet of flowers, blown off in the wind, beneath it.




Tomorrow is Sandy’s birthday so could you pop over

to wish her a Happy Birthday at Abandoned in Pasadena.

I hope you have a wonderful day, Sandy, my friend.



I have a fun poem tonight – “The Dignified Grammarian.”


A dignified grammarian of habits so pedantic,

Insisted on exactitude, and drove his poor wife frantic,

Till, goaded to it by despair, she said he was a pest,

He made her feel so tired, she said, she’d LAY down for a rest

He raised his head and fixed her with an academic eye,

And said, with chill, one syllable – the single comment, “LIE.”

Her hand approached the carving knife; she threw it most

emphatically,

And now she’s doing jail for life, while he still lies

grammatically.


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My Resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.


6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't

cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I
wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job

as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M

PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

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There was a couple living with their son, 9, in an inner-city

apartment. One morning they’re feeling pretty amorous, so

they tell the lad to go out on to the balcony and tell them

what’s happening in the neighborhood for the next 15 minutes

or so. So out he goes and starts to commentate.



“John is walking his dog, Mary is going out, there’s a car smash

on Grey St. and the ambulance has just arrived,” he says.

It worked so well that a week later the parents decide to try

it again, and send the kid out on the balcony once more while

they retire to the bedroom. So out he goes again.




“Carly is watching the OC, Jason and Lucy are playing on the

swings, Anna and Dave are in the spa, Sally is watching, and I

think Simone and Terry are having sex.”


The parents stop and yell out to their son: “What makes you

think that?”

He replies: Because their kid is out on the balcony too.”


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And from the book - - - -

What is success ?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the

affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and

endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a

healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed

social condition;

To know that even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson.


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When you arise in the morning

Give thanks for the morning light.

Give thanks for your life and strength.

Give thanks for your food

And give thanks for the joy of living.

And if perchance you see no reason for

giving thanks,

Rest assured the fault is in yourself.


- - - American Indian Saying.


Bye for now, I hope you found something that you liked,

Take care of each other and enjoy your lives, Merle.

Post 22

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16 comments:

Jon Cox said...

Hahahaha! Great post! I LOVE the resume! :o)

PEA said...

I ALWAYS find something I like on your posts dear Merle:-)Today I especially love the American Indian Saying....so many of us take so much for granted and forgive to give thanks for even the simplest thing. Have a wonderful weekend my friend! Hugs xox

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I don' dare get very far behind with my reads, you write a lot!
RETIREMENT is the job I'm best at also. That is if nobody is expecting a whole lot out of me.

Then your Lincoln and Kennedy post. I had heard that before, but forgot most of it. Thanks!
..

Pamela said...

Love the discription of success, cause really success to me is finding joy and happiness in the life that God has blessed us with and by giving to others. You always brighten my day Merle! :)

Tammy said...

oh Miz Merle...I must still be a little woozy because at first I thought that was your real resume....hehehe!
Always and inspiration and a smile here...thanks so much!
:-D

Puss in Boots said...

What a great resume! If I wasn't so close to retirement myself, I'd be tempted to use it, just to see the reaction! lol.

I have a gratitude journal and most nights before I go to bed, I write down five (or more) things to be grateful for. It makes a great difference to one's outlook. I got the idea from Sarah Ban Breathnach's book "Simple Abundance" - a wonderful book.

Take care, dear Merle, and I will talk to you later. Hugs xoxo

Ava said...

Hi Merle!

Sorry to hear about the wind death of your flowers.

Thanks for the heads up on Sandy ... I'll be sure to pop in on her.

Love the resume!!!

Sue said...

Hi Merle,
Hope you're having a great weekend my friend!
Loved the balcony joke as well as the resume.
((hugs))

Donnak said...

I liked everything but my favorites are your resume, what is success, and when you arise in the morning. You always find the cutest/sweetest things! I hope you are having a great weekend. I'm on my way to your friends blog to wish her a hb. :)

Jeanette said...

Hi Merle
Thank you for your lovely Comments and kind words.
Great post very strong Winds here today but still no rain .
I know a few people that would fit your resume. Im on way over to Sandy's to wish her h.b.

Just heard some rain on the roof Alas only a few drops but its getting very stormy looking so might get some more
Take care Keep smiling. Janxxx

Cazz said...

Hi Merle,
I like the resume, might use it in the future, think #15 is for me also!!

Yep, bloody windy day alright, i think a meter of dust & dirt has blown off the new housing estate development going in next to me, the car is covered in it, along with all the furnishings, but alas no rain which is badly needed.

Hope you had a great week end
Cazz

Gwen said...

Hi Merle the answer to your question about "Patsy" show with Barbara Thompson,yes she sounded very much like her.
Keep Well

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I always find something I like on your blog, but I'll be darn if this time I could find a favorit they were all good!

Janice~

Margaret said...

Hi Merle, Thanks for the comments as usual I really do appreciate them on my site.. Loved the resume and the other funny jokes, I am always sure of a good laugh and some TLC on your posts.Sorry about your Wisteria, it is one of my favorites. Have learned a lot about blogging this weekend thanks to you know who! It was long overdue, it was very difficult for a while as I had not had a chance to pick up very much prior to this. You take care too Merle, Love Margaret.

audrey` said...

Hi Merle
The joke on the couple with the kid in the balcony is so funny.
Thanks for the laughter =)

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Merle...Thank you for making my birthday a big wonderful surprise by sending your lovely readers over to wish me a Happy Birthday. That was the MOST comments I have ever had.

I also want to tell you that I got caught up on reading all of your posts that I missed over this long weekend. It's early morning here and what a way to start my day...with a few laughs and some inspirational writings & poems.

Your friend,
Sandy