Saturday, October 28, 2006

Advice to a Bride.

Saturday 28th October, 2006. - - - - - - - Post 53.

Hello Everyone ~ I hope this finds you well and enjoying

the weekend so far. All well here. Tonight we put our clocks forward one hour for daylight saving. I do not mind it, as I

do not have young children to put to bed (in daylight) or any

cows to milk, but they do say it fades the curtains !! lol

They do not have it in Queensland or Western Australia. It

goes until March and gives us longer evenings for leisure etc.

I expect my son will be round tomorrow as there are three

clocks up high that I cannot reach. There is no hurry though

as I have clocks everywhere.

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A fun verse called “Advice to a Bride.”

So now you are married, my dear, I said.

Just lately, in church, you two have wed.

Now harken my young friend, harken to me,

And I’ll tell you what manner of man is he !

All men are babies, grown up and strong.

They hate to be scolded when they’ve done wrong.

There’s seldom a man so rugged and stout

Who won’t, at some time, sulk and pout.

I’ve learned all this in the course of years.

Men like smiles, they don’t like tears.

They want to be flattered, they think their wives

Should speak often of their happy lives.

And we sow the seeds of a family jar

If ever we tell them what fools they are.

So pamper him, flatter him, tell him he’s great,

Mother him early, mother him late;

Cuddle his whims, and his appetite,

And you’ll get along with your man alright.

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The next item was sent to me by Sandy of Abandoned in

Pasadena. Thanks Sandy.

Hormone Guide for Men.

There are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS:

SAFER:

SAFEST:

ULTRA SAFE:

What's for dinner?

Can I help you with dinner?

Where would you like to go for dinner?

Here, have some chocolate.

Are you wearing that?

Wow, you sure look good in brown!

WOW! Look at you!

Here, have some chocolate

What are you so worked up about?

Could we be overreacting?

Here's my paycheck.

Here, have some chocolate.

Should you be eating that?

You know, there are a lot of apples left.

Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

Here, have some chocolate.

What did you DO all day?

I hope you didn't over-do it today.

I've always loved you in that robe!

Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Midsection

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one .

13. Potential Murder Suspect



Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning.



And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a polce car arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of the car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says: “Nah, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol.” (gas)

<><><><><>

Walking Across Water,

A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all sitting in a boat fishing.

The pastor said to the others, “I think I am going to go over to the shore and sit down.” So he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore.

Then the priest says to the rabbi, “I think I will go over there and join him.” So he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore.

The rabbi thinks to himself, “Well if they can do it, so can I.”

So he climbs out of the boat, but he falls into the water.

The pastor says to the priest, “Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?”

<><><><><>

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches

us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall

not kill.”

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Gifted Hamster.

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says:” No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”

The guy says, You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, “OK.” So the guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and plays a tune. The hamster is really good, and the bartender says :

“You’re right, that hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The man downs his drink and asks for another.

“Money or another miracle, or else no drink.” The guy reaches into his pocket again and pulls out a frog He puts the frog on the bar and the frog starts to sing with a marvelous voice. a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to him and offers to buy the frog for $300. The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the money and gives the stranger the frog.

The bartender says, “ Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300. It must have been worth millions. You must be cazy.”

“Not so” says the guy, “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

<><><><><>

A few quotes to finish with - - - -

A man’s feeling of good-will towards others is the strongest magnet for drawing good-will towards himself.

- - - Lord Chesterfield.

I love you, my brother, whoever you are --- whether you worship in your church, kneel in your temple, or pray in your mosque. You and I are all children of one faith, for the diverse

paths of religion are fingers of the loving hand of one Supreme

Being, a hand extended to all, offering completeness of spirit

to all, eager to receive all. - - - Kahlil Gibran.

None of us is responsible for all the things that happen to us,

but we are responsible for the way we react to them. - -Anon.

We should always do right, because it will gratify some people

and astonish the rest. - - - Mark Twain.

Take calculated risks. This is quite different to being rash.

- - - - George S. Patton.

Enough, enjoy the rest of the weekend, Take care, Merle.

Post 53. - - - - - - Saturday, 28 October 2006.

18 comments:

PEA said...

Good morning Merle...want to come on over and make a snowman with me?? lol We woke up to a white world this morning!! Loved all your jokes and quotes today...the PMS one is just brilliant! hehe Have a wonderful weekend my friend! Hugs xox

Thomas LB said...

Kahlil Gibran used to be one of my favorites, but I kind of forgot about him. Thanks for posting that quote- I'll have to look him up again!

Sue said...

I enjoyed the piano playing hamster and frog! Kahlil Gibran is also a favorite of mine.
Enjoy the weekend...
((hugs))

trushy said...

fab merle - where do you get them all?...........love the Pms ones !
thanks for reminding me about the clocks too.
from tracie xx

Pamela said...

Merle, loved all the jokes, The hamster is also a ventriloquist was very cute! The PMS was a riot! Thanks for making my day! :)

My goodness, but you are blessed with a sweet and handy son! :)

Susiebadoozie said...

hope you have a happy weekend too

Puss-in-Boots said...

Love the PMS joke, Merle. I hope every guy takes note!

Great Kahlil Gibran quote. I love his work - I think I've said that before, lol.

Yes, as you say we don't have daylight saving here in Queensland and as usual at this time of the year, people are getting upset about it. Even WA have started a three year trial now. Peter Beattie is trying to resist the pressure but I think he's going to have to back down eventually, too many people want daylight saving.

Enjoy your week, Merle.

Hugs xoxo

Gazza said...

Hi Merle, loved the jokes. What can i say??? Oh yeah, here, have some chocolate... hahahahah!

Jeanette said...

Hi Merle
well im happy daylight savings here again. good jokes the rabbi and the priest got my vote and a couple of good quotes there. Take care keep smiling Janxxx
ps Mr blogger playing up tonight wont let me publish ill try again in the morning

rhapsody said...

Thanks Merle- great posts- your jokes always make me smile:)

Have a wonderful weekend!

rhapsody said...

omigosh- it's Monday already where you are...

so have a great week!

I Want My Mommy! said...

You always give me a smile. Good ones. We turn our clocks back today. Happy almost summer to you!

Meow said...

Mmmmmm, chocolate *giggle*.
It's wonderful it is daylight savings again, I think. It is great that it is lighter longer in the evenings ... more time for the kids to play outside, get fresh air, enjoy.
Haven't the nights been cold these past few ... what's with this strange weather !!!
Hope you have a wonderful week.
Take care, Meow

Jim said...

I would keep daylight savings time all year round.
In Russia, they had ended theirs toward the beginning of October, before we came.

I wished more brides would get your excellent advice. My bride has figured out most of those after 33 years.
..

Lee-ann said...

Merle, I laugh so much my side hurts when I visit you! you are one very special lady.

see you again soon.
love Lee-ann

Hale McKay said...

So much to absorb - to laugh at - to ponder - etc.

You could have gotten two or three posts out of this one, Merle.

I guess that makes this one thrice as good.

Granny said...

I like Gibran too. My favorite, almost a mantra with me, is "let there be spaces in your togetherness".

Yes indeed.

Just caught up on all your posts. I'm so far behind but it's been a very busy week.

audrey` said...

Potential Murder Suspect!
HaHaHa!
It's so funny =)

I like your blog very much, Merle.
Well done =D