Monday, October 30, 2006

Later than you think

Post 54 - - - - Monday 30th October, 2006.

Hello again, my friends. We are having some really glorious weather here at present. Rain is desparately needed, but if we can’t have rain, nice days are great. Temps round 24 C.

I hope you all have a very Happy Halloween, tomorrow. So many of you have gone to so much trouble with your food and decorations, and carved pumpkins. So I hope you have a wonderful day. I am happy to wait for Christmas.

Tomorrow for me is Shopping day, so I have to think of what I will need for the next fortnight. I am more likely to get more than I need, but better than forgetting something vital. Like pumpkin !!

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Tonight I have a story called “Later than you Think.”

Funny, I’ve never noticed it before --- everything is a bit further than it used to be. It’s twice as far from my place to the bus-stop now, and they have added a hill I’ve just noticed. The buses leave sooner too, but I have given up running for them, because they go faster than they used to.

Have you noticed the small print they’re using lately? Newspapers especially --- I have to squint to make out the words. It’s ridiculous, of course, to suggest that a person of my age needs glasses, but it’s the only way I can find out what’s going on without somebody reading aloud to me--- and even that isn’t much help. because everybody speaks in such a low voice I can scarcely hear them

Times certainly are changing. The material in my clothes, I notice, shrinks in different places – like round the waist and round the seat. Shoe laces are so darned short they are next to impossible to reach.

Even the weather is changing. It’s getting colder in Winter, and the Summers are much hotter than in the good old days. I guess the way they build windows now, makes draughts more severe.

Ran into a friend the other night, and you know, he’d changed so much he didn’t recognise me. “You’ve put on a little weight,” he said. “It’s this modern food, “ I said, “it seems to be so fattening.” I got to thinking about him this morning while I was dressing, and about what he’d said ---so I looked in the mirror. Seems they don’t use the same kind of glass in mirrors any more, do they?

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A joke called “Taste of Heaven.”

Taste of Heaven

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die tragically in a car crash. They have been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's nearly neurotic interest in health food.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite, complete with Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed' the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "Remember, this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

"This is Heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked. "This is Heaven. It's free!"

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part ... you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife and said,
"You and your #@!%&~
bran muffins.
I could have been here
ten years ago!"

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One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign, when the motorist said, “Officer you can’t give me a ticket for that.” “Why not?” said the officer. “Because although I didn’t stop I slowed right down and it’s almost the same.” “But you did not stop” replied the officer, “and the sign says STOP.” “But the way was clear and it was safe,” replied the motorist.

The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. “What are you doing?” yells the motorist in surprise. “Do you want me to slow down or stop?” asks the officer.

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A man and his friend are playing golf at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend said, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies,” Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

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A few quotes - - - -

I was raised to sense what someone wanted me to be and to be that kind of person. It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. - - - Sally Field.

I’m trying to be myself more and more. The more confidence you have in yourself, which I think only comes with experience and age, the more you realise this is you and life isn’t long. - - - Kylie Minogue. Australian singer.

Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly. - - - Julie Andrews.

To know oneself one should assert himself.- - Albert Camus.

There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self. - - - Aldous Huxley.

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Enough for this post.Take care my friends and enjoy life.Merle

Monday, 30 October 2006 - - - - - - Post 54.

20 comments:

DellaB said...

Hi Merle, thanks for the reminder - am working in the morning at 7am, and I am supposed to take for a 'haloween' lunch.

Love 'Later Than You Think', and the quotes... thank you

DellaB said...

oops, take food, that is, for a Halloween lunch...
:-/

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle Hope you get all your shopping done. Take your list with you so you wont forget anything. Itake a list and bring home more than i went for.
love later than you think.the small print is definetly getting smaller everyday. good golf club joke ,and quotes.Take care keep smiling Jan

Joy said...

Hi Merle,

I've heard you are in great need of rain there. I hope it comes soon...even if the weather has been nice. Halloween is almost here...I love that day; but I just don't get the trick or treater kids I use to...I miss that. I'll have lots of candy left over I'm sure....and, who do you suppose eats it? Well, every year I hope that more kids will show up, and have usually been disappointed.

Thanks for the fun stuff Merle. Loved the Later Than You Think piece.

Peter said...

Hi Merle, it's later than you think in Queensland too and we don't even have daylight saving.

Sue said...

Morning Merle!
We loved the Taste of Heaven and Later than you Think!
Great way to start the day with a good laugh..
Enjoy your Shopping Day!
((hugs))

Wystful1 said...

Yep, I'm one for Halloween...tho, I do love Christmas too! (I'm a bit 'strapped' for time tho --today I found out I needed to return to my 'homeland'---you can find out what I'm joking about if you go check my blog today---*giggles*)

I had to literally laugh out loud about heaven and the bran muffins!! That one is way to funny.

Have fun shopping Merle!
and a great day to you. Enjoy the wonderful weather.

Pamela said...

Merle, Hope you get all your shopping done tomorrow. "Later Than You Think" was cute and reminded me of a snowball that just keeps getting bigger as it goes. lol

The police baton was effective and I loved the hubby getting upset over his wive's bran muffins. lol

PEA said...

Good afternoon dear Merle:-) I've just come in from putting my finishing touches to my outside Halloween decorations...at least the snow is almost all gone now and they're saying 11 c and sunny tomorrow!! Yippee! I've been printing out a lot of your jokes for my mom and she just loves them and is always showing them to her friends in the apt. building she lives in:-) Loved the bran muffin one!! LOL Take care and enjoy your shopping day! xox

Guess Who?!? said...

Trick or Treat Dahling!!
Too early you say...pooh!!
It's Halloween somewhere!!
;-D

Pamela said...

Trick-or-treat! Hey Merle, this was so fun, and you give out such good treats that make me laugh! I decided to come back for more! Love the costumed guest that lurk around your place, "witch" reminds me Happy Halloween! :)

Margaret said...

Hi Merle, I can certainly relate to the later than you think. Very funny! LOved all the other jokes and qoutes as well. Take care
Love Margaret

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

As always I enjoyed reading your post. I especially liked Taste of Heaven!

...still am not caught up with my blog reading ,since my trip...

June

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

You have a happy Halloween too!

I like that officers attatude! I live out in the country, and for some reason people think there are no rules out here and they can drive as fast as they want, and not stop at stop signs.

Take care,
Janice~

HORIZON said...

Happy Halloween Dear Merle.
Glad to hear the weather is good for now.
Ouch! on the golf joke- poor woman probably never saw him anyway. lol
Always enjoy what you post and like the added colours :)
I am away to bed now- it has been a good long day
take care xx
night night :)

mreddie said...

Hope you had good weather for your shopping day. And I agree with the part of your first story that says the mirrors are just not the same as they used to be. :) ec

Hale McKay said...

Hi Merle.

No, I didn't mean to imply that your posts are too long. I was just noting that that particular post was so chock-full of good stuff, you could have saved some and had more ready-to-go posts.

(It took me two days to get my foot out of my mouth - all because I didn't word that comment the way it was intended.)

wazza said...

Gidday Merle, I'm glad you're enjoying my posts on Brisbane. I can relate to "Later Than You Think" especially the shrinking clothes, altho' mind you it is the clothes that are shrinking and not one putting on more weight as it's caused by washing the clothes all the time thus causing the clothes to get smaller. That's what I tell myself anyway.

wazza said...

Merle you thought pink wasn't my colour in my "Mixed Bag Of Stories" post. Hum, funny Peter thought the same thing. The sarong was used for a Hawaiian Christmas theme a few years at a work's Xmas Party.

audrey` said...

Hi Merle
"Taste of Heaven" is so funny =)
HaHa!