Monday, November 13, 2006

Living in 2006.

Post 65 - - - - - Monday, 13 November 2006.

Good evening or good morning, whatever the case may be. I hope that all is well at your house, as it is at mine. Tomorrow is my fortnightly shopping trip, so I have to write out a list later on. I write down things I need all the time, but put it all together tonight, after reading the current special leaflets.

I meant to tell you yesterday that Melbourne was chosen as the sports capital of the world, ahead of Paris, Sydney, Berlin, and London. So that was quite an honor. I think New York was about 9th or 10th.

Well I received the following in emails from both Tammy and Robyn, so I guess that means I was meant to post it. Thank you both my friends.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.


2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.


3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.


4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.


5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.


6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.


7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.


8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.


10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.


11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )


12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.


13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.


14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.


15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list


AND NOW U R LAUGHING
at yourself.

Now for a few jokes - - - -

Fishing License.

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately one of the boys threw down his rod and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, with the Game Warden hot on his heels.

After about half a mile, the young man stopped to catch his breath, so the Warden caught up to him and gasped, “Let’s see your fishing license, Boy.”

The boy pulled out his wallet and handed over his valid fishing license. “ Well son, said the Game Warden, “you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks. You don’t have to run from me when you have a valid license !”

“ Yes sir,” said the young guy, “but my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”

<><><>

A defendant in a lawsuit involving lots of money was talking to his lawyer, “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.” “It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars ?” “Oh no ! This judge is a stickler of ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn’t even smile at the judge.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered his decision in favor of the defendant. As he left the court with his lawyer, he said, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked.” “I’m sure we would have lost the case, if you’d sent them.” “But I did send them.” “What ? You did ?” said the lawyer increduously.

“Yes, that’s how we won the case,” “I don’t understand,” said the lawyer. “It’s easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff’s business card.”

<><><><>

Sunbathing.

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an all over tan.

She had hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. “Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs, “The Hilton doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make ?” Joan asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides I’m covered with a towel. “Not exactly,” said the embarassed man, “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”

<><><>

A few Random Thoughts.

Flashlight : A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin : A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I wish the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Just a couple of quotes - - -

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old. - -Oliver Wendall Holmes.Jr

Just about the time a woman thinks her work is done, she becomes a grandmother.

Bye now Friends, Take care and be happy. Merle.

Post 65 - - - - Monday, 13 November 2006.

<><><><>

16 comments:

PEA said...

Good morning dear Merle...catching up with the posts I missed over the weekend, I was so busy with making chocolates and had no time for the computer! I laughed so much at the "You know you're living in 2006..." because so much of it is true! lol Heck, it's all true!! lol Really did love that last quote about thinking your work is done and then become a grandmother. Hugs xox

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

Loved all of your post today- but found the sunbathing on the roof VERY funny!

Also- Living in 2006- is all so true!

June

Wystful1 said...

Have a good shopping trip Merle!!

And as always, love to read your jokes. Actually ALL three of them were downright hilarious. Love the cunning of the boy fishermen, and the cigar trick---(can you see a pattern here? Am I a practical joker? Yes, indeedy!! *giggles*) And the sunbather...what a treat that was for the diners. LOL

Happy Monday

Tammy said...

I'm glad you liked the 2006 bit...I loved the Hilton Joke...very funny!!
:-D

The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Merle,
I, too, loved everyone of the jokes but the 2006 was my favorite. However the joke about Melbourne was almost as funny.:) What sports do they have? Have a great day.

Meow said...

Hi Merle, hope the shopping trip goes well ... don't forget to take your list (I've been known to do this ... spend all that time writing it, only to leave it on the kitchen bench LOL).
I received that 2006 joke a number of times via email, too ... must be doing the rounds.
Great jokes, as usual, Merle.
Have a wonderful week.
Take care, Meow

Sue said...

Hi Merle,
Gee, I've missed your jokes in the morning while I was gone. I think we both had computer withdrawal while in Disneyland. I'm sure I've done a few of the Living in 2006 things myself!
Happy Shopping..
((hugs))

Peter said...

Hi Merle, yeah I scrolled back up looking for #9 then followed the script exactly.

mreddie said...

Hope you had a good shopping day. I knew I was in 2006 the other day when I tried to dial a very familiar number on an old rotary dial phone - and couldn't remember it. It is in my memory on the touch pad only. ec

LittleJen said...

I am definate a victim of more than a few of those living in 2006.

LittleJen said...

Thats not old age Merle, I do that know forget my appointment times and rock up and have to wait...heheheh

wazza said...

Gidday Merle, yep I know I'm living in 2006. I've entered phone speed dial numbers on my computer keyboard, phone at the ear wondering why the phone isn't going brrrr, brrrr,brrrr,
yep I must be on the downhill straight....sob!!!!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Living in 2006 can be embarrassing. I was asked for my next of kin at the doctor's the other day. I knew my daughter's address but don't know her phone number because it's programmed into my phone.

Love the sunbather joke - can you imagine it!! Lol!

Keep well, dear Merle.

xoxo

Puss-in-Boots said...

Living in 2006 can be embarrassing. I was asked for my next of kin at the doctor's the other day. I knew my daughter's address but don't know her phone number because it's programmed into my phone.

Love the sunbather joke - can you imagine it!! Lol!

Keep well, dear Merle.

xoxo

UKBob said...

Hi Merle, I'm pleased to hear that your cousin is doing ok, I know what a worry these things can be. Good luck with the beans.

audrey` said...

Where is number 9?

HaHaHa!
This is a great joke.
Thank you, Merle =D