Sunday, November 12, 2006

Monday Morning.

Post 64 - - - - Sunday, 12 November 2006.

Hi Everyone ~~ Well it has been a quiet Sunday here, and

we are actually getting a few showers, but not nearly enough.

We have only had about ¼ of an inch so far. Keep hoping.

I hope you are all having a good weekend, wherever you are.

I missed out on posting yesterday, because I was having a

bit of grief signing in. I usually have to close down and try

again, with exactly the same info, before it works. Also I was

busy cooking. Corned beef and lots and lots of vegies, so have

a few days off from that. I had one meal today and it tasted

really good to me. Now to find something to post - - -

The last post about the Aussies was well received, but oh boy

if you read the comments, there were some old familiar Aussie

sayings there. Thanks Margaret, Peter and Robyn. Now back to the job at hand. - - - -

Monday Morning.

If all the world had a washing day,

And the sin and the shame and the sorrow

Could be soaped, and boiled and hung out to dry

In the sun, and the wind, and the blue of the sky,

And a tall fir pole to keep them high,

How sweet it would be on the morrow !!

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I Know a Land.

I know of a land where streets are paved

With the things we are meant to achieve.

It is walled by money we meant to have saved

And the pleasures for which we grieve,

The kind words unspoken, the promises broken

And many a coveted boon

Are stored away there in that land of somewhere - - -

The Land of “Pretty Soon.”

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Now to find some jokes for you - - - -

Bill Gates in Hell.

Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak accident, he found himself being sized up by St. Peter. “Bill, this is a tough call. You’ve made great technological advancements with Microsoft, but you’ve also given us Windows 95. I think I am going to let you choose between Heaven and Hell.”

“That sounds fair,” Gates replied. “May I see hell first ?”

And so St. Peter took him to Hell.

“This is Hell ? Wow, look at all those gorgeous women, the ones that laughed when I asked them out on dates in high school. And look at those mansions,” exclaimed Bill.

“And see all those coders? They work 24 hours a day for free just because they really love you, Bill, and only live to please you.”

“Shazam, this is all virtual, isn’t it, St. Peter ?”

“Yep, with no bugs, Bill.”

“If this is hell, what can heaven be like?”

(Saint Peter makes a sweeping gesture) “Like this !”

“People wearing robes, and playing harps while they sit on clouds? What a boring cliché. I’ll take Hell,” replies Gates.

And so two weeks later, St. Peter pays a little visit.

“Hey, what the hell’s going on? It’s nearly 200 degrees and the air is terrible. There’s no food or drink. Goblins jab me in the ribs constantly, I’m crawling with vermin and weak with disease. They play the Beastie Boys at all hours, for all eternity. There

are NO COMPUTERS. Where are all the women, the program slaves, the virtual wonders? Where is the splendid hell you promised me ?” cries Gates.

“Oh that, that was just a demo . . .”

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Neighbors in Montana.

A successful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and buys a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude, he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on

the horse. “Hold it neighbor,” the man says, “ I’m your

neighbor, I have a ranch only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I’m throwing for you next Saturday.

There’s going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking and fighting . . . . We’ll have a great time.”

Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and asks, “How should I dress ?”

“Aw, don’t matter” replied the neighbor, “ Only gonna be the

two of us.”

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There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her nervous, so she always took her Bible along to read and it helped relax her.

One time she was sitting next to a man, who when he saw her pull out her Bible, gave a little chuckle. After a while he turned to her and asked, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there do you ?” The lady replied, “ Of course, I do. It is the

Bible.”

“Well what about that guy that was swallowed by a whale ?”

“Oh Jonah. Yes I believe that, it is in the Bible.”

“ Well how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?”

The lady said, “Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get to Heaven I will ask him.”

“ What if he’s not in Heaven ?” the man asked sarcastically.

“ Then you can ask him,” replied the lady.

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Shirley’s Makeover.

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience.

She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have

another 30 or 40 years to live.”

Upon her recovery, she decded to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured if she had another 30 or 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of the Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years ?”

God replied, “ Shirley, I didn’t recognize you !!”

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Just a few quotes from my Grandma’s Bookof Sentiments.

Count your age by friends, not years,

count your life by smiles not tears.

A woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s

certainty. - - - Rudyard Kipling.

As a white candle

In a holy place,

So is the beauy

Of an aged face. - - - Joseph Campbell; “Old Woman”

When you have loved as she has loved you grow old beautifully.

- - - W. Somerset Maugham.

When one has reached 81 one likes to sit back and let the world turn by itself, without trying to push it. - - Sean O’Casey.

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives,

- - - Maurice Chevalier.

Enough for now, Take care of each other, Cheers, Merle.

Post 64 - - - - Sunday, 12 November 2006.

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8 comments:

LittleJen said...

Hi Merle,
Hope you had a lovely weekend, i had a great weekend specially with mum and Gwen coming to visit I was wrapped mum came 3 hours in the car to see my little girl in her debut concert (which I will do a post about that soon).
Just started raining here its coming down heavy, we need the rain badly.
Have a wonderful week
Luv Jo

Tammy said...

Loved the "Woman's Guess" bit!!
I'm cooking chili on this chilly day!!
:-D

kenju said...

Merle, you can have our rain! It started here about midnight last night and it hasn't stopped yet!

I agree with Maurice C!

Puss-in-Boots said...

The water situation is bad here as well, Merle. I think the whole country,apart from the tropics, is getting as dry as a bone!

I must admit to thinking a bit like Maurice Chevalier!

Enjoyed the poems, jokes and sayings as usual, Merle.

I love corned silverside and veges with white sauce and leeks. Yummmmm!

Enjoy your week, Merle. xoxo

Pamela said...

Merle, you made my lips curl! :)

Shirley's make over...too funny! The Montana neighbor too close, he needs to stay way back. hehe!

Glad you got some rain, boy do I hear you with blogger. ! Have a nice day! :)

HORIZON said...

Haven't been so well here this weekend Merle- a stomach virus. Didn't eat a thing yesterday so your corned beef sounds good!
Liked the 'Shirley’s Makeover' post- lol.
Take care xx

audrey` said...

Cheers to you too, Merle =)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Great jokes, Merle! Thank you! BTW, I finally was able to update your blog on my blog so I don’t have to run through cyberspace to locate you.