Wednesday, March 28, 2007

26 Beautiful One-Liners.

Post 177 - - - - - Wednesday, 18 th March, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ First I must apologise for the small uninteresting print that was my
last post. I tried for ages to get it right and Posted 3 versions, then made do with that
one. I hope all is going well in your part of the world. Apart from that post, all is well
with me. I am so relieved that my brother Peter is going well after his eye operation
and even has a post and picture up today. I am so grateful to his friend Jackie for taking care of him, and for Margaret for meeting up with them for lunch. I hadn't
realized that this was all to take place in Caloundra. Thank you Girls !!

Tonight I have a list called 26 Beautiful One - Liners.

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.

2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end --God's way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels befor God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma --but never let him be the period

6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to church for a face-lift.

8. When praying, don't give God instructions - -just report for duty.

9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

10. We don't change God's message --His message changes us.

11. The church is prayer-conditioned.

12. When God ordains, He sustains.

13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.

18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.

19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

21. He who angers you controls you.

22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

23. Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.

24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them and He'll clean them.

25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.

Some Doctor's Words and What he really means.

This should be taken care of right away. - - - -
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is easy and profiterable that I
want to fix it before it cures itself.

Welllll what do we have here. . .. ?
He has no idea and is hoping you will give him a clue.

Let me check your medical history.."
I want to see if you paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

Why don't we make another appointment later in the week?
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.

We have some good news and some bad news. - - -
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is you're
going to pay for it.

Let' see how it develops.
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

I'd like to prescribe a new drug. - - -
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig.

Let me schedule you for some more tests.
I have a forty per cent interest in the lab.

If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

This may smart a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

That looks like a nasty wound.
I think I'm going to throw up.

Well, we're not feeling well today, are we. . .?
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here ?

This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

Everything seems to be normal.
Rats. I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

I'd like to run some more tests. . .
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

There is a lot of this going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves ?
You're crazier than an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll
split fees with me.
Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford, :Well, you've
been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven A."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself."

The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and introduced
him to God.

Ford then asked God, " Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman ?"
God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in
your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is very costly.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission 5 or 6 days of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.

"Hmmm," replied God. "Hold on."

God went to the Celestial Super computer, typed in a few keystrokes and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper.

"It may be that my invention is flawed, " God replied to Henry Ford, " but
according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours !!"

He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his
memoirs. - - - Torvald Gahlin.

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines
and cigarettes were placed on prescripton. -- -- Malcolm Potts, MD.

Money talks -- but credit has an echo. - - - - Bob Thaves.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in heredity.
- - - - Doug. Larsen.

Bye now, my friends. Take care and have a great day tomorrow. Cheers, Merle.

Post 177 - - - - - Wednesday, 28 th March, 2007.


Gwen said...

Hi Merle..Thanks for your visit,loved your one liners glad Peter came through his op ok.
Stay Well Dear Merle xx

Tammy said...

Loved your one liners and the heredity clear up joke...
PS...I've changed blog address...please click the above link...

mreddie said...

I'm glad Peter's operation went well and it is good he had someone to look out for him. I have often suspected that Doctors said one thing and really meant something else. :) ec

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

I'm so happy that Peter is fine after the op.
I like the one liners so much =)
Thank you for sharing, my friend.


Jim said...

I too am glad Peter came out ok.

My favorite doctor take:
This should be taken care of right away. - - - -
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is easy and profiterable that I
want to fix it before it cures itself.

I tell my doctor something like that or that he has too many BMWs already. He explains in a different way then.

Lee said...

Sorry I missed commenting the last day or so, Merle...time just disappeared on me and I've been slack with commenting in everyone's blog!

Glad to hear all is well with you...and with Peter...I'll pop in and see him shortly. Take care. :)

RUTH said...

Glad Peter's op went well. Leaving your blog with a smile on my face as usual.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Yes, Peter's op obviously went well. I'm curious as to why Caloundra when Maroochydore is closer or even Hervey Bay? Maybe I should ask Peter

Enjoyed the one liners, but really enjoyed the Henry Ford one...bit saucy, ain't it?

Good to hear all is well with you, Merle.

Hugs xoxo

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle,Glad to hear Peters operation went well.
Great one liners but i like the doctor. This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
Take care Merle, Janxxxx

Lee said...

Wonderful post, Merle. I particularly enjoyed reading about those who guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier...very informative. Thanks. :)