Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Jewish Sons.

Post 162 - - - - - - Sunday, 11 th March, 2007.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope this finds you well and enjoying your weekend. It is
already Sunday night here but in Victoria, we have a holiday tomorrow, which will be enjoyed by all. We have a big Moomba Parade with decorated floats etc and of course fireworks at the end of it. There are also water sports on the Yarra River in Melbourne.

My football team, Carlton won their game last night and next Saturday they play Peter's team Brisbane for the Grand Final. C'mon the Blues !! It is only pre-season, but it sure is nice to see them win after a few bad years.

I have a story tonight called "The Jewish Sons." written by Emory Ediger.

A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his
Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in personal knowledge of his Jewish faith. To
remedy this, the Jewish father sent his son to Israel, to experience his heritage.

A year later the young man returned home and reported to his father. "Father,
thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers. It was wonderful and very
enlightening," said the son. "However, I must confess that while I was in Israel, I
converted to Christianity" "Oi vey !" replied the father, "What have I done ?"

So, in the tradition of the Jewish patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought
advice - and solace. "It is amazing you should come to me," stated his friend, "I, too,
sent my son to Israel and he returned, also a Christian."

So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi together. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi. "I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he
returned a Christian, also. What is happening to our sons ?"

"Brothers, we must take this matter to God, " said the Rabbi. Together they fell to
their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.

As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that
you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel and . . . . . . ."
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Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit, "This young CPA agreed to marry my daughter."

"No ! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they haggled before the Kng, until he demanded silence.

"My sword ! Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and we shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Fine. Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let this other
woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "Indeed, the accountant must marry the
first lady's daughter, " he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hack him in two !" exclaimed the king's court.

"Precisely !" said wise Kng Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
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One man was from England, one from France and one from Canada. They got
acquainted and started talking about their wives. The guy from England began by saying : "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do her own cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day
I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set,
a wonderful dinner was prepared . . . and even dessert."

Then the man from France spoke up : "I sat my wife down and told her from now on she would have to do her own shopping, and also the cleaning. The first day, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries."

The fellow from Canada was married to an enlightened woman from the prairies. He sat up straight, pushed out his chest and said : "I gave my wife a stern look and told her that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and house cleaning. Well the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing.

But on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye !!!
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A traveler became lost in an unnamed desert. Realizing his only chance for survival
was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began to feel faint.

Reduced to crawling, he was on the verge of passing out when he spied a small shack about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the shack and called out, "Water ! Please, I need water !"

An old man appeared in the door of the shack and replied sympatetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie ?" With this, he
brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.

"You fool, " gasped the man. "I'm dying ! I need water !"

"Well sir," replied the old man, "If you really need water, there is another shack about
2 kilometers south of here where you can get some."

Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the second shack and collapsed.

Another man, looking enough like the old man to be his brother, appeared at the door dressed in a costly tuxedo. Looking down at the crumpled mass at his door, he inquired, "May I help you sir ?"

"Water . . ." came the feeble reply.

"Oh, sir, " replied the man, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie !"
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A little girl and a little boy were at the day care centre one day. The girl approached
the boy and said, "Hey Billy, want to play house ?"

He said, "Sure ! What do I have to do?"

Sally replied, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings ?" said a bewildered Billy . . . I have no idea what that means."

The little girl nods and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
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One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. - - - Margaret Mead.

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying:
it's separating himself from all the others. - - - - Helen Rowland.

A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results. - - - - Bennett Cerf.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
- - - - Erma Bombeck.

Bye for now my friends. Take care and enjoy your lives. Cheers and Love, Merle.

Post 162 - - - - - Sunday, 11 th March, 2007.
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16 comments:

EmBee said...

Thank you so much for your jokes, they make a day much brighter, Best wishes

Penless Thoughts said...

Went back to your first couple of posts!! Loved the poem about Australia. Gives me more of an idea of what is's like there. I gather rain or no rain is quite a problem. You and I are very close in age. I'm 69.

Gattina said...

A happy sunday to you too, although it's probably bedtime for you and sunday is over. I just came back from the Brussels sunday market which is enormous and was so crowded because for once we have nice sunshine here and already 15 ! Quite unusual for March !

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

Hope your weekend was a good one.

Loved reading you, as always.

June

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-) So far I've had a very quiet morning catching up with everybody's posts and this afternoon my mom & Ross will be coming by for a visit. Thank you so much for the wonderful chuckles again today, always a delight to visit you:-) Take care my friend! xox

Susie said...

Good morning Merle,
Sorry I haven't been by, but life has been busy with my Grandpa. Hope this finds you feeling a bit better each day. As always, I enjoy your cheery posts!
xoxox

Tammy said...

The Holiday and parade sounds like great fun....Enjoy!!
:-D

Carolanne said...

Moomba!!
We used to go to the Moomba parade when we were younger or watch it on TV. I'd forgotten all about that part of Labour Day. Oops!

RUTH said...

We had some lovely warm sunshine here this weekend. I think Spring is on its way! Brilliant jokes. Hope you are keeping well.
Rx

Lee said...

Go Carlton! I knew Alex Jesaulenko, that's why I follow Carlton. Alex is a terrific fellow. I knew him when he and Ann, his wife lived in Noosa...they had a business in the same centre in Hastings Street as where I had my shop...we have some pretty wild times together! They love to party! ;)

Thanks for the smile, Merle...I hope you're well. :)

Margaret said...

Dear Merle, what terrific jokes, I am still laughing. Have just returned from my weekend at Gympie, Ken's birthday was a great surprise and was very enjoyable. Love and best wishes Margaret

Leann said...

Hi merle its sunday here in the USA.I was gone for the weekend and came home earlyer today.deisded Id stop in.God bless you have a great week.its going to be nice here this week up in the 50,s all the 26 inches of snow will be going.

SPRING IS ON ITS WAY!!!GOOD.

Val said...

Can you believe the come from behind win, Merle?! I was as happy about them fighting back as I was about the win. Now for the Grand Final!

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle.
Hope you had nice and restfull weekend, Had a good laugh at your jokes.
Family just left so just going to comment on a couple of blogs, and after a few very late nights going to have a very early night. You take care Merle love Janxxx

Peter said...

I will very likely be about the middle of the Nullarbor crossing while the grand final is on so probably won't even be able to hear it on the radio, pity about the loss Blues!!!!!!!!

audrey` said...

Congrats!

Carlton won the game =D