Monday, June 18, 2007

If You Never - - - -

Post 233 - - - - - Monday, 18th June, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope you are all doing well and survived
the Father's Day celebrations. All OK here and I spent some
time cooking a leg of lamb and roast and other vegetables.
So those meals will keep the wolf from the door for awhile.

Tonight I have an article called "If You Never . . . ."

If you never felt pain,
Then how would you know that I am a Healer ?

If you have never prayed through,
How would you know that I am a Deliverer ?

If you never had a trial,
How could you call yourself an overcomer ?

If you never felt sadness,
How would you know that I am a Comforter ?

If you never made a mistake,
How would you know that I am forgiving ?

If you knew all,
How would you know that I will answer your questions ?

If you never were in trouble,
How would you know that I will come to your rescue ?

If you never were broken,
Then how would you know that I can make you whole ?

If you never had a problem,
How would you know that I can solve them ?

If you never had any suffering,
Then how would you know what I went through ?

If you never went through the fire,
Then how would you become pure ?

If I gave you all things,
How would you appreciate them ?

If I never corrected you,
How would you know that I love you ?

If you had all power,
Then how would you learn to depend on me ?

If your life was perfect,
Then what would you need me for ?

Thank you Jesus.

THINGS TO PONDER - - - - - -

1. Is there another word for synonym ?

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes.

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a book-store and asked the sleswoman, "Where is
the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat
the purpose.

7. Could it be that those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't
going as ghosts, but as mattresses ?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap ?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him . . .is he still wrong ?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill
himself, is it considered a hostage situation.

11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all ?"

14. What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant ?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages ?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk ?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone will clean them ?

18. If a turtle doen't have a shell, is he homeless or naked ?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains ?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers ?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
to remain silent ?

22..Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines ?

23.. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign ?

24. Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny ?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread ?

26. One nice thing about egotists is they don't talk about other people.

27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

28. Never under-estimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

32. Women like silent men, they think they are listening.

33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to
fish and he will sit in a boat all day and drink beer.

35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays ?

36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go
back to.

37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting ?

39. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have
to drown too ?

40. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2 ?

41. If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?

42. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done ?

Smart Ass Answers according to Reader's Digest :

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without
missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, " No ma'am, they're dead."

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for
you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I
got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the
bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the
bridge. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally a police care
comes up and the cop gets out of his car and walks to the
truck driver, puts his hand on his hips and says, " Got
stuck, huh ?" The truck driver says, "No, I was just
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuse for you not
being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack
or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses at all."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, "What would you say if tomorrow, I said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion ?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored,the teacher smiles knowingly
at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I
guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive
long after your gold and good health have vanished.
- - - Og Mandino.

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming
relationship, communion, or company than a
good marriage. - - - Martin Luther.

Miracles of nature are all around us.- - -Anonymous.

Miracles happen to those who believe in them.
- - - - Bernhard Berenson.

I have learned more from my mistakes than from my
successes. - - - - Sir Humphry Davey.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class
of enemy. - - - -Spike Milligan.

Try to avoid pessimists - - negativity can be catching..- Anon.

Bye now my friends, Have a really great week and be kind
to each other. Love and best wishes to all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 223 - - - - Friday, 18th June, 2007.


Gattina said...

We had fathers day not this sunday but the sunday before, but it's not very much celebrated.
BTW when I go through a fire I burn myself but I don't get pure !

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

Lots of good stuff here.

I really liked #s 9, 10, 11, 12, and 17 of Things to Ponder!

Take care,



Gledwood said...

Honestly Merle, number 24 is corny enough to pop and supply every cinema in the Western world for over a year!

All in all this is very entertaining stuff though. I love the first part of your post; that is very perceptive.

I hope you survived Fathers' Day too.... seems this one was international (mothers' day was not. Ours was over a month before yours. I've no idea why ...)

Anyway, take care
all the best


Jeanette said...

Dear merle, good post. If you never, things to ponder2,9,and 17. lol Do the turkeys get bigger,

Jim said...

Good post again, Merle. Try Googling those things to ponder. The come up with strange sources for the sayings/questions.
Example: George Carlin said: "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

mreddie said...

Your aritcle "If you never..." reminded me that if we never push our muscles beyond a minimum effort they will never get stronger. The case could be made for strengthening the soul in much the same way. ec

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I ignored Fathers Day. Mine has been gone since 1972.

I liked the "If You Never" post It sure is something to think about!
And I copied the Trucker one to send to a truck driver friend. I sure find lots of good stuff on your blog. Thanks you so much!

Kerri said...

Hi Merle,
The thought of your roast lamb dinner makes my mouth water. We don't see too much lamb over here. Pea soup is another favourite of mine, but it's not soup weather here at the moment. We've had some very hot weather this week.
I agree with's strange that the author said "the husband". Not very personal! Interesting story though.
The skydiving line gave me a great laugh :)
Thanks for your visit and sweet comment. It's alway so nice to "see" you :)