Monday, October 29, 2007

Happy Birthday Jim.

Post 351 ~ ~ ~ ~ Monday, 29th October, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ Another week has begun here in Australia.
They sure do go by so quickly, whether we are having fun or not.
I hope all is well with you and that the week ahead will be a good
one for all of us. I have been busy today making meals, some
corned beef and some chicken schnitzel ones.

We have another birthday ~ ~ our blogging friend Jim has his
birthday on the 30th October. So won't you all pop over and
wish him a Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day, Jim
with many Happy Returns. Happy Birthday !!!
My nephew Alan turns 50 tomorrow also. Happy Birthday
Alan. Hope you have a great time and survived your party.

I have a Poem tonight called "The Shape I'm In."

There's nothing the matter with me;
I'm just as healthy as I can be;
I have arthritis in both my knees
And when I talk, I speak with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

I think my liver is out of whack;
I have a terrible pain in my back;
My hearing is poor and my eyes are dim;
Most everything seems to be out of trim.
I'm likely to fall most of the time;
But, all things considered, I'm feeling fine.

Arch supports for both my feet,
Or I wouldn't be able to walk down the street;
My fingers are painfully stiff in the joints.
And my nails are too brittle to keep in points.
Complexion is bad, due to dry skin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

Dentures upset me, I'm restless at night,
And in the morning I'm a real sight . . . . . .
Memory's failing, head's in a spin,
I'm practically living on aspirin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

Now the moral is, as this tale we unfold,
That for you and me, who are growing old,
Lots better to say, "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to tell everyone . . . . the shape we are in.
<><>

My dear blogging friend Bev sent me a few jokes - -
Thank you Bev !! Hope you enjoy.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life ?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady
replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is marked - - -
' NO REFILLS',"
<><>

Aging : Eventually, you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
<><>

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and insisted that his son, a renowned
surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get
anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, What is it ?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and remember, if
it doesn't go well, if something happens to me your
mother is going to come and live with you and your wife,"
<><> Sort of insurance ??

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting
in line for.
<><>
Better change the subject or Jim will think those jokes
are aimed at him !!!

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So he
hired a famous Asian detective to observe and inform
him of any activities that might develop. A few days later
he receives this report :

Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house. He come house. I watch.
He and she leave house, I follow.
He and she get on train. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree ~look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strips she. She strips he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.
<><>

She was so blonde . . . . .
  1. she thought a quarterback was a refund.
  2. she thought General Motors was in the Army.
  3. she thought Meow Mix was a cd for cats.
  4. at the bottom of the application where it said
  5. "sign here" she wrote Sagittarius.
She was soo blonde . . . .

  1. .she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
  2. she sent a fax with a stamp on it.
  3. she thought TuPan Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
  4. under "education" on a job application, she put
  5. "Hooked on Phonics."

    She was sooo blonde . . . .

    1. she tripped over a cordless phone.
    2. she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice
    because it said, 'concentrate.'
    3. she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk"
    and "Don't Walk."
    4. she asked for a price check at a two dollar store.
    5. she tried to put M&M s in alphabetical order.

    She was soooo blonde . . . . .

    1. she studied for a blood test.
    2. she sold her car for petrol money.
    3. when she went to the Airport and saw a sign
    that said "Airport Left," she turned round and went
    home.

    She was sooooo blonde . . . . .

    1. when she heard that 90% of all crimes occurred
    at home, she moved.
    2. she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Co.
    3. she thought if she spoke her mind she'd be speechless.
    4. she thought she could not use her A M radio in
    the evening.
    <><>


    A lady came home one day and found her husband
    in bed with a strange woman. As she storms out, he
    chased after her and cries, "Don't you at least want
    to know why I did it ?" Wife sobs, "OK."


    "I'm driving along the street when I saw this lass
    in torn clothes and no shoes, all muddy and crying,"
    he begins. "I took pity on her and took her to our
    place to clean up. Once there, she took a shower,
    then I gave the underwear that doesn't fit you any
    more, the dress I bought you that you never wore,
    the $150 Nike running shoes you bought, but
    never used. I even gave her the roast beef you had
    in the fridge but didn't serve me. She thanked me
    and was about to leave when she turned to me and
    asked, "Is there anything else your wife doesn't use
    any more ?"
    <><>

    A woman is standing in front of her bedroom mirror
    trying on a new dress when she turns to her husband
    and asks, "Does this dress make my bum look big ?"

    Hubby replies, "Of course not, it's all those chocolates
    you eat that does that."
    <><>


    A few quotes before I go ~ ~ ~ ~

    Without winter, there can be no spring.
    Without mistakes, there can be no learning.
    Without doubts, there can be no faith.
    Without fears, there can be no courage.
    My mistakes, my fears and my doubts are my
    path to wisdom, faith and courage. ~ Anonymous.

    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and
    be nothing. ~ ~ ~ Elbert Hubbard.

    Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
    courage is also what it takes to sit down and
    listen. ~ ~ ~ Anonymous.

    Enough for tonight. Take care everyone and
    be happy. Love and best wishes to you all.
    Cheers, Merle.

    Post 351 ~ ~ ~ ~ Monday, 29th October, 2007.
    <><><>








13 comments:

Hootin'Anni said...

G'day dear Merle!! As always a wonderful, wonderful post!!! Your line: "The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." Yep!!! That is just sooooo true!!! Love it.

Love the blond tripping over the cordless phone. What a hoot.

Hope your days are filled with sunshine....I know YOU fill OUR days with a brightness un-comparable!!!!

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
Oh my, I just finished reading the Asian Detective joke to my husband, we're both laughing so hard we have tears in our eyes. That one is so cute. Thanks for starting my day off in a happy mood.

I'll pop over to Jim's and wish him a Happy Birthday.
Love,
Patty

T*mmy said...

Hey Miz Merle...I have no idea what chicken schnitzel is care to enlighten us? Maybe a recipe?

Loved all your jokes especially the NO REFILL one...my hubby takes lots of maintenance meds and half the time the pharmacy has to call for refills, very frustrating.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Duh! That was me. Let me try again:

I was just thinking about what you said: time goes past at the same speed... not always!

On the radio this week someone quipped: giving up smoking, fatty foods, sugar and sex doesn't make you live longer. It just makes you feel you've lived longer!

Know what I mean!!

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
It is catch on blog reading and I sure do enjoy yours.
The weeping yellow rose of your neighbors is absolutely beautiful. The yellow rose was Mother's favorite and also my big Sis's.
The more blonde jokes I read the harder I laughed. Thanks you dear for upping my seratonin.
A news article said if we laugh 20 mins a day we are healthier and you help make lots of folks healthier.
Your welcome on the card. If the donations we get to sell at the Thrift shop are any indications, the holidays in articles to sell as as follows, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine, Thanksgiving.
I am always sadden that Thanksgiving is a Middle Child and does not get the attention that Halloween and Christmas get.
When Puppy was small we would decorate for any holiday as he enjoyed them so much.
I think days of our lives are like watching the white lines on the roadway and it is according to how fast we are going as to how fast they pass. If that is so I was doing over a 100 this weekend.
Peace be with you dear Merle and my wish for you is the best of health.

kenju said...

Love the jokes, Merle. I'll let you in on a little secret. My birthday is tomorrow also (30th)!

Lapa said...

MIGUEL TORGA

THE PLOUGHMAN OF THE WRITING

A SHARED PATH

In the 1st centenary of his birth

BY CRISTÓVÃO DE AGUIAR

Mary said...

Merle,

What a wonderful poem. That describes us grandmothers to a T and there isn't any use complaining.

Loved the jokes, as always, especially the one about the prescription having no refills. Truer words were never written.

Blessings for brightening a rather dismal Monday.

Mary

audrey` said...

Good Morning Merle

Bel's exam was ok yesterday.
Praise the Lord!
There is another paper tomorrow.
Thank you so much for your prayers and love =)

(((HUGS)))

Melinda said...

Hi Merle,
You do it with every post, Keep us laughing that is !! Well done, I love all your poems and jokes.
Have a great week.
Take Care
Melinda

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Merle,

Ah, yes, I'm fine is better than telling the Shape I'm In, lol. Love all the funnies! And always good quotes to ponder. Well, what's not to love at your blog, dear Merle. Take care and warm regards always,

Renie

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I add my birthday blessing to Jim!