A Modern Grandma.

Post 357 ~ ~ ~ ~ Monday, 5th November, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope you are all well and happy and
the week has started well for you. I had a quiet day,
and managed to fall asleep this afternoon. It was all
that supervising yesterday, I guess. I did some
washing and got it dry, and the rain has gone for now,

Thanks for your comments of concern for John, he
says his face isn't painful, but I noticed when we told
a joke yesterday and he laughed, it did hurt.
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Tonight I have a poem about a Modern Grandma.

The Old Rocking Chair is Empty Today
For Grandma no longer sits in it;
She's off in her car to visit or shop
and buzzes around every minute.

No one can shove Grandma back on the shelf;
She is versatile, forceful, dynamic,
that's not a pie in the oven I see !
her baking today is ceramic.

You won't see her trundle off early to bed
from her place in the warm chimney nook;
Her typewriter clickety clacks through the night;
For Grandma is writing a book.

Grandma never takes a hesitant step
to slow her steady advancing.
She won't tend babies for you anymore
For Grandma is taking up dancing.

She is not content with the crumbs of old thought;
with meagre and second-hand knowledge,
don't bring your mending for Grandma to do
For Grandma has gone off to college.
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Tomorrow is the Melbourne Cup, which is a very
famous race that stops a nation - public holiday
and all, so I have to put a horse joke in.


It's dangerous to talk in your sleep, as my friend
found out. When in bed with his wife he was having
a restless night and as he tossed and turned, he
kept repeating "Eva, darling," when his wife's name
was Joan.

When he came downstairs in the morning he expected
breakfast on the table as usual, but the table was bare.
After asking what was going on he was told by his wife
of his murmurings overnight. She insisted on knowing
who Eva was. "You kept on saying "Eva, darling" over
and over again.

He knew he had to think of something quickly, and said
"Eva Darling is the name of a runner at Ascot," and she
accepted it.

Thinking that all was well he happily breezed through the
day's work, but on getting home he found that the
expected tea wasn't forthcoming.

"Not again," he moaned. :And what is the reason this time?"
"Your race horse rang this afternoon." he was told.
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The married couple arrived late one night at a hotel, only
to be told by the manager, "I'm sorry, but we are full up,
but you can have the bridal suite."

"But we have been married for over fifty years," said the
husband.

"SO ?" said the manager. "I can let you have the ballroom
~~ but you don't have to dance."
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There was an old lady named Amy who had led a blame-
less life but time had come for a little dare or two and she
had heard how easy it was these days to do a little shop=
lifting in her spare time.

Slowly she moved along aisle after aisle of goods in the
supermarket and just when she thought that she was the
only one around she quickly slid a tin of tomatoes into her
shopping basket. Of course the store's cameras picked
up Amy's daring deed and she found herself facing the
manager and a police officer, who had been called.

It didn't take long for the authorities to do their work and
Amy was summoned to appear in court. The judge looked
down at the frail woman.
"Is this your first offence ?" Amy nodded.

"Irrespective of age," said the judge, " we have to deal
with these things harshly. Is the offending tin of tomatoes
in court ?" he wanted to know. The tin was produced and
the clerk was instructed to open it.

"Count how may tomatoes are in there," the judge rasped.
The clerk fumbled around with the contents and then he
informed the court that there was exactly 6 tomatoes.
"Now listen," The judge leaned forward as he talked to
Amy. "I am about to sentence you to 6 months. One
month for each tomato you stole."

Amy gave a large sigh of relief at the news. "I will tell
you something, my lord," she said. "I'm glad that I put
back that tin of baked beans back !!"
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Two British sailors attended a church service in Stockholm.
Not wishing to appear out of place they sat behind an
important looking guy and when he knelt or stood up.
they did the same.

At the end of the service, the pastor made an announce-
ment, whereupon the man in front stood, so they did like
-wise ~ to a roar of laughter from the congregation.

As the sailors left the church, the pastor spoke to them
in English, so they asked what was the reson for the
laughter. "Oh," he said, "I mentioned that next Sunday
morning there was to be a baptism and would the father
of the child please stand Up,

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Just a few quotes as I am struggling to stay awake.


Reach for the stars; you might not get them but you
won't come up with a handful of mud.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry
alone.

There is always someone worse off than yourself.

You are a unique and special person. Allow yourself
to shine.

Unconditional love knows no boundaries.

That is all for tonight my friends. Take care of
one and another and have a wonderful week.
Love and Best Wishes to you all Cheers, Merle.

Post 357 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 5th November,2007.
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