Saturday, November 03, 2007

Rain Glorious Rain !!

Post 355 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 3rd November, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and that you are having
or are about to have a happy weekend. Ours is half over, and today
we got some lovely rain ~ just over half an inch, so far. So that sure
is wonderful, AND it is still raining steadily. My son Geoff and his
wife, Joanne are supposed to be coming tomorrow for Geoff to work
in the garden, but I think it will be too wet. I had better ring them.

Poor John's face is a bit of a mess with two wounds on it now, and
his eye blackened this time, so I hope it all heals up quickly. He
looks as though he has been in a brawl. He says it isn't too sore.

Tonight I have a short poem that I hope you will enjoy.

If I have brought a gleam of light
To cheer a darkened day,
If I held out a helping hand
To help along the way.

Then in these acts of kindness done
It is not me you see,
But glimpses of that Loving One
Who chose to dwell in me. ~~ Author Unknown.
<><>

The doctor had just finished examining the very attractive
young girl.
Doctor : "Have you been going out with men Miss Jones ?"
Miss Jones : "Oh no, doctor, never !"
Doctor : "Are you sure ? Bearing in mind that I have now
examined the sample you sent, do you still say you've never
had anything to do with men ?"
Miss Jones : "Quite sure doctor. Can I go now ?"
Doctor : "No."
Miss Jones : "Why not ?"
Doctor : "Because, Miss Jones, I'm awaiting
the arrival
of the Three Wise Men."
<><>

Waiter : "What would Madam like for dessert ?"
Customer : "An assortment of real creamy ice cream ~~ say,
two scoops of chocolate chip, one scoop of vanilla, three
scoops of banana, two scoops of strawberry and please
cover the lot with thick chocolate sauce."

Waiter : "Certainly, madam. And would you like a few
cherries on top ?"
Customer : "No, thank you. I'm on a diet."
<><>

An elderly shopkeeper was ill and his family who
thought he was dying, had gathered around his
bedside. Suddenly, the old man roused up and said,
"Is Rachel here ?"
"Yes, I am here," said his wife.
"Is John here ?" went on the old man.
"yes, I'm here,: said his son.
"Is Sarah here ? he again asked.
"Yes, I'm here," said his daughter.

The old man sat bolt upright in bed and yelled, "Then
who the hell is looking after the shop >"
<><>

A ventriloquist's act was going down better than he
thought it would, perhaps due to the fact that he had
chosen one particular customer at the front of the
audience to take the mickey from.

Throughout the act, the customer took it all in good part
as the ventriloquist poured out cheap jibes at his expense.
But then, all of a sudden, he jumped up and started shouting.

The ventriloquist, fearing he might lose his job, if he upset
the customers. So he apologized to the man.

However, the man got more agitated and shouted at him :
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little swine on
your knee !"
<><>

A woman remarked to her husband who was lying in bed
with his feet on the pillow and his head at the foot of the
bed, "I can't understand what's come over you, Jack,
since you started work at the sardine factory."
<><>

There was this guy who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at leasr one of the puns
would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.
<><>

One day a seamstress was sewing while sitting close
to a river and her thimble fell into the river.

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"My dear child why are you crying ?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen
into the water and she needed it to help her husband
in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up
a golden thimble set with pearls.
"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked.
"No," the seamstress replied.

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a
silver thimble ringed with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble ?"
"No," the seamstress replied.

The Lord reached down again and came up with a
leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and
gave her all three rings to keep and she went home
happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with
her husband along the same river bank and her
husband fell into the river and disappeared in the
water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and
asked why she was crying.
"Oh, Lord, my husband has fallen in the river."

The Lord went down into the water and came up with
Mel Gibson.
"Is this your husband ?" the Lord asked.

"YES," cried the woman.

The Lord was furious. "YOU LIED. That is an untruth."
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord, It is
a misunderstanding. You see if I had said "No" to Mel
Gibson. you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then
if I said "No" to him, you would have come up with my
husband and had i then said "Yes" you would have given
me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and
would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so
that's why I said "Yes" to Mel Gibson.

The moral of this story is : Whenever a woman lies, it's
for a good and honourable reason and in the best interest
of others. That's our story and we're sticking to it !!
<><>

After having their eleventh child, an Irish couple decided
that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went t the doctor and told him that he
and hs wife didn't want to have any more children. The
doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home and get a firework,
light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
ear and count to ten.

The husband said, "I may not be the smartest guy in the
world, Doctor, but I don't see how putting a firework in a
beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, it will do the job," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can.
He held it up to his ear and began to count : "1, 2, 3, 4, 5,"
at which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his
legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
<><>

Q. Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with
short term memory storage ?

A. Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
<><>
Just a few quotes before I call it a day ~ ~ ~

Life is one long process of getting tired. ~ ~ Samuel Butler.
(Now that was really inspiring !!)

Justice is being allowed to do whatever I like.
Injustice is whatever prevents my doing it.~ Samuel Butler.

There are more things to admire in people than to despise.
~ ~ ~ Albert Camus.

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
~ ~ ~ Emile Coue.

When you have nothing to say; say nothing.
~ ~ ~ Charles Caleb Colton.

Bye for now my friends, Have a great weekend and
enjoy your lives. Be kind to each other. Love and
best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 355 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 3rd November, 2007.
<><><>




9 comments:

Gledwood said...

... "no pun in ten did"... o MERLE puh-lEEZE!!!

Glad of the rain for you... let's hope it drowns a few king browns!

T*mmy said...

Glad to hear you've got some rain my friend!

Have a great day!

Patty said...

So happy you are getting some much needed rain, we could use a little here also. But I did get the front and back yard mowed.

Hope all the spots heal quickly for your son. I would think they would burn a little. I hope he remembers to wear sun screen and also a straw hat when he goes out in the sun.

Have a wonderful Sunday.

Mary said...

Merle,

I am glad you got some rain. We have had rain this fall, but had very little all summer. The water levels are down and people's wells in rural areas are drying up.

Thanks for sharing the beautiful poem and all of your jokes. I especially enjoyed the one about the woman and the river.

I have tagged you for a meme at my blog. It would be nice if you could participate, but if you'd rather not, I will understand.

Blessings,
Mary

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
I know you appreciate that rainfall. I think I'll try that ice cream diet. Sounds yummy!
xo

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- Well, I'm back, almost. And you are going strong, I'd like the ice cream diet if it was lite ice cream.

Here are some wishes for John's face to hurry in the healing process. And I hope too, that there isn't a lot of pain.
..

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle,It sure was good to see the rain, but we need more desperately I didnt have to water the garden last night . but no rain today, it threatened a few times then blew over might get a drop tonight lets hope so.
Good jokes I will stay clear of the ice cream diet, the seamstress thrimble got me tonight...
Take care keep warm heater on tonight...love Jan.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wonderful rain! I know the joy after a long dry spell.

John continues to be in my prayers.

Here’s a true story for you, Merle.

Once, when Winston Churchill was visiting New York City, he attended a dinner party in his honor hosted by a famous New Your socialite. The meal was served buffet style and the waiters placed huge platters of one of Winston’s favorite foods, fried chicken, on the buffet.

Unfortunately, Winston was surrounded by a large group of people who were asking him questions. He say no way to immediately escape the group, so he raised his voice and called to the hostess, “Please save me a chicken breast or two.”

Later, while eating his chicken, the hostess chided him: “Sir Winston, here we do not refer to chicken breasts. We call them “white meant.”

The next day a beautiful corsage was delivered to the home of the hostess. With it came a card:

“Thank you, Madame, for hosting such a delightful dinner. Please do me the honor of wearing the corsage on you white meat.

W. Churchill”

audrey` said...

Dear Merle

I love the rain too =)
It's good for our plants.
HaHa!