Thursday, December 20, 2007

'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Post 383. ~ ~ ~
Thursday, 20th December, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~ ~ I hope you are all doing well and getting things
organized for the Festive Season. Sorry I haven't posted for a few
days ~ I have just been too busy and too tired. Now I have acquired
an underline, and have no idea how to get rid of it. Sorry folks.
(Mr Fixit has been here, do you prefer the full photo on header?)

My son Geoff didn't get here last weekend, but came yesterday with
his son and daughter. Joanne had to work, unfortunately, but it
was really nice to see Scott and Michelle as I do not see them too
often. Scott is 19 and is at University. Michelle has finished Uni
and starts teaching next year, she is 23. Couple of photos below.

Scott, Grandma and Michelle.

Scott , Geoff recently turned 50 and Michelle . Great smiles !!

The next item was sent to me by my friend, Warren. Thanks mate !!
Thanks for the card of your daughter and grandsons. I don;t think
we play the same sort of games !!

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck. . .
How to live in a world that's politically correct ?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid.

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises coming from their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had made his workers quite
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose.

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation.
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half the reindeer were gone, and his wife
Who suddenly said she had enough of this life.

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz.
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why he'd never a notion
That making a choice would cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise,
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-specific.

No candy or sweets . . .they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football . . .someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, from every religion.

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere . . . even you.

So here is that gift, its price beyond worth.
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Time for a few jokes ~ ~ ~ ~

A Scotsman died and arrived outside of Heaven's gates.
"Who is there ?" cried a voice.
"Sandy McTavish," replied the Scot.
"I'm sorry," the voice said, "you'll have to go to the other place,
we can't make porridge for one !!"

A teacher asked her class of small children to make a crayon
picture of the Old Testament story they liked best.

One small boy depicted a man driving an old car. In the back
were two passengers, scantily dressed.

"It's a nice picture," said the teacher, but what story does it tell?

The young artist seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he
exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam
and Eve out of the Garden of Eden ?"

A debtor in the dock exclaimed : "As God is my judge, I do
not owe this money."

The judge replied, "He's not, I am, you do." (I like this one, M.)

I knew my uncle was a true opera lover when I caught him
outside the bathroom door where our beautiful au pair was
having a bath. She was singing an excerpt from Der Rosenkavalier
and my uncle didn't peer through the keyhole to look at her
gorgeous naked body -- but put his ear to it !!

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny day,
he decided he just had to play golf. So he told the Associate
Pastor that he was not feeling well and convinced him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course forty miles away. This
way he knew he wouldn't accidently meet anyone he knew
from his parish. Setting up his first tee, he was alone. After
all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church !

About this time, St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking
down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You are not going to
let him get away with this, are you ?"
The Lord sighed and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Fr. Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards
the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell in the hole.
It was a 420 yard hole-in-one !
St Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that ?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell ?"

The sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a
very blonde cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on
but his cowboy hat, gun and boots, so he arrests him for
indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, the sheriff asks him, "Why in the
world are you dressed like this ?"

The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff. . . I was in the bar
down the road, when this pretty little redhead asks me to go
out to her motor home with her, and so I did . . . We go inside
and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I
did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my
pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to
pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks
at me kind of hot and sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy.". . ..
And so here I am !!"

Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake
happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously
but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello ?" she said, but no answer.
"is there anyone here ?" she cried a little louder, still no answer. , , ,

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled,
"Hello, is there anyone there ?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away . . . . "Hello, hello, we're
all down here. . . ."

Some thingsMen Know ~ ~ ~

That Mother Nature;s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.

That P.M.S. is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of
the house.

That if she looks like your mother, run.

That there are 3 sides to every story. His, hers, and the truth.

Never run away from a fight you know you can win.

That there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name
is Bambi.

That it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good
his daughter is in bed.

That a woman will wear a low cut dress and expect the man to
stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get
ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.

That men are from here, and women are from way the hell over

A few quotes ~ ~ ~ from Mark Twain.

All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his family did not miss
the boat.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things
to get himself envied.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man
or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been
married a quarter of a century.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still
exist, but you have ceased to live.

Let us endeavor to live so that when we die, even the undertaker
will be sorry.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to
open it and remove all doubt.

A Chinese Proverb ~ ~ Love your neighbor but don't pull down
the fence.

That is it for this post and probably my last for a few days. My
daughter is coming tomorrow (Friday) and will stay overnight
and we will leave on Saturday morning. I do not know just when
I will be home, but I will be back on the air as soon as I can.

I wish all my dear friends the very Happiest Christmas and a very
Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year in 2oo8. Thank you
for all your comments, cards, e-mails and good wishes over the
year. I love and appreciate you all. Blogging is a very special thing,
that non bloggers have not got a clue about. Look after yourselves
and I hope Santa visits. May the joy and peace of Christmas
remain in all our hearts. Take care, Cheers, Merle.

Post 383 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 20th December, 2007.


Gwen said...

Hi Merle.
I have been very slack,loved your jokes the night before chritmas was my favourite.
Glad all's well with you, the visit from your son and G/children
was nice and the pics were great.
Have a merry christmas and will visit again it wont be as long.
Love Gwen xx

The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Merle,
Loved your jokes as always. Have a Merry Christmas.

Patty said...

Good morning Merle, looks like you have grandchildren taller than you also. Three of my five are taller, thank goodness the 7 year old and 8 year old are still shorter than me, but not by much.

I like the story of the little boys drawing showing God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden. Out of the mouth of babes. Hope you have a lovely visit with your son and grandchildren. Sleep well tonight.

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ Great pictures of some good looking grandkids here! Aren't grandkids THE BEST? I want to wish you and your wonderful family a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! ~ jb///

PEA said...

Good afternoon dear Merle:-)

I can actually say that I'm completely done with my Christmas preparations and can now go back to my bad habit of blogging too many hours! lol I so loved seeing the pictures of your son and grandkids...what a beautiful family. I'm glad you had such a lovely visit with them:-)

Thoroughly enjoyed reading the jokes and quotes...especially loved the uncle who was a true opera lover! lol As for the men's brain cells, no surprise there! LOL

Have a wonderful Christmas with your family, dear Merle, and know that I feel very blessed to have you as a friend. Merry Christmas xoxo

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
Just posted a nice chatty comment and blogger ate it! grrr.
I do understand about being tired and busy at this time of year, but wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Don’t worry about not posting, Merle. ‘Tis the season to be exhausted.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the santa poem, and it's too bad about Oliver not being showing here.

Tomorrow is my anniversery and I get to see my sister and her family.

Take care, and Mery Christmas and have a Happy and safe New Year.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, I think this time of the year were all a bit slow. Today was Gwens 50th wedding anniversary see my post..
Lovely Photo's of Geoff,Scott and Michelle's Visit.. Great jokes and Quotes, Twas the night before xmas got my vote tonight...
Have a great Xmas with Family and friends .. Love Janxoxoxo

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Love the pictures, especially the one of you and your grandchildren.

What a wonderful post! Loved the Night Before Christmas, Yes, peace on earth is the best gift!

Have a merry and blessed Christmas, dear Merle. Enjoy being with your family.

Blessings and love,


Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I'm glad they did get to come. You have some neat looking grandkids! Geoof is ok too for being 50.

Hope you're ok and ready for Christmas, Cheers.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Well you've already gone, so I'll wish you a happy Christmas and you can get it when you get back.

Thank you so much for the jokes, the pearls of wisdom and news of you and your family over the past year, Merle.

I hope 2008 is everything you wish it to be.

Love and hugs xoxo

audrey` said...

Wishing you and your loved ones a Very Blessed Christmas =)

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Merle! You are even worse than me! Mysterious underlining appearing. Typeface suddenly going huge...etc... if you've ever wondered why MY blog always looks boringly the same that is the very reason. Actually I wouldn't know HOW to alter the typesize so you're advancing further than me already ..!

Female braincells: yes very hilarious. Reminds me of the Laurel and Hardy scene where the policeman gets the seat of his pants blown off and says, "Careful! You nearly blew my brains out!"

Have a merry you-know-what and a highly entertaining new year Merle!


JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,

Enjoyed everything- but especially like seeing pictures of your family!

Those grands are both 'beautiful!'

Merry Christmas to you and all your family!


Lee said...

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours, Merle. Have a wonderful time.
And may 2008 treat you with kindness.

My very best wishes. Cheers!

Kila said...

Hi, Merle! I haven't forgotten about you! Just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Granny said...

What a great picture of you with your grandkids.

I enjoyed the politically correct "Night Before Christmas"

A very Merry Christmas to all and if you Australians do Boxing Day (can't remember), happy Boxing Day as well.

SMA said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year dear Merle!
Thank you for the joy and the wisdom!
Thank you for all the time spent "with you" this year.
God bless you !

Gledwood said...

Yes! I agree with you btw: politically correct (wellmeaning as it usually is) somehow doesn't half seem to be so very INcorrect in every other way!!

kenju said...

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, Merle!

Gattina said...

I wish you a Merry Christmas, dear Merle, I hope you will have a nice feast. We are going to Amsterdam this afternoon to celebrate with our son, but tomorrow evening I am back ! Amsterdam in winter is not so much fun !

Gledwood said...

Merle your posts are so packed with ideas I sometimes end up skipping over some without realizing:

3 points of view ~ his, hers and the truth ... o that is ONLY TOO TRUE!!!


Lady Di Tn said...

What a heartbreak Scott is? Michelle is a beauty also. Glad Geoff is no worst from turning FIFTY. He is a mere baby.
I speak for myself but am sure all us blogger just love you and your post. Have a wonderful stay with your daughter.
It was published last week that Nashville Tn is number 9 in city with blogger here in US. Austin Tx is number one. I guess we southern not only love to talk but write as well.
Merry Christmas to our own Sweet Tater.

Jim said...

Merry Christmas, Merle.


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Merry Christmas, Merle!

May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door, and happiness be guided to your home by the candle of Christmas. (A Celtic Blessing)

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle!
It's about 2.30 on Xmas day
I'm at Mother Hubbard's house
everyone's down the pub, food still in oven I'm sneaking on computer!
Surely it's after 1am by you so unless you're down the disco again I expect you're out (sleepin') for the night...
... take care



mreddie said...

Always enjoy your photos, after receiving some instruction yesterday I am going to try posting some in a few days. I have been off the blog waves for a while myself. Hope your Christmas was a very joyful one. ec

Gina E. said...

Dear Merle,
You are so right - blogging is very special indeed. Some of my dearest friends now are those I have "met" in cyberspace.
I hope your Christmas was all that you wanted it to be. Best wishes for a happy and healthy New Year!

JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,

Just thinking of you and hoping you're doing well and that you had a good Christmas and holiday season!


audrey` said...

Thinking of you, Merle =)


Gledwood said...

Hi Merle you've been away for a while I hope Xmas didn't tire you out too much you ARE OK aren't you??
Wishing you a happy 2008 now!!


Gattina said...

Hope you had a nice Christmas, your grandchildren are very handsome !
I published today some pictures of my Christmas in Amsterdam. I can tell you this city is depressing at this time of the year !

Pearl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pearl said...

Dear Merle,
It has been such a long time since I have been to visit. Missed you. Love your banner photo.
You look so pretty standing with your grandchildren.

Take care,
Big hugs,