Saturday, January 05, 2008

Gentle Thoughts for Today.

Post 389 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 5th January, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~ ~ I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the start of
this brand new year. All is well here, still very hot, but we won't talk
about that. It is hard to believe that northern New South Wales and
southern Queensland are having floods with roads closed and lots of
folks having to evacuate from their homes. I hope it eases soon for
them. I have grandchildren up that way, but they are safe for now.

The first item tonight was sent to me by my blogger friend Jim so
thanks Jim and thank your friend John. You will be pleased to learn
that I copied and pasted it. as you suggested I do. Mind you, I don't
mind the typing as it keeps the fingers nimble ~ It's just when I have
to repeat it, I get a little irritated.

Gentle thoughts for today.


When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.


A penny saved is a government oversight.


The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.


The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."


If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.


The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.


There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together
it spells "Theirs?"


Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.


The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.


One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young.


First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull
up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.


Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.


Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my
mouth...AMEN. .!!
<><><>

I would like to thank a new reader ~ d.chedwick.bryant all the way
from Antarctica. Wasn't it cold enough for you at home, my friend?
I could not get to open your blog, so I will say thanks here and please
visit again. Happy New Year to you and the others down there.

Time for some jokes now ~ ~ ~

A minister and a lawyer were chatting at a party.

"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant,"replied the lawyer.
"What do you do ?"

The minister re[lied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an
example. The other day I meant to say "the devil is the father of all liars,"
but instead I said "the devil is the father of all lawyers," so I let it go.
<><>

A man is getting into the shower as his wife gets out when the doorbell
rings. After arguing for a few seconds about who should answer the
doorbell, the wife gives up and wraps herself in a towel and runs down
the stairs.
When she opens the door, there stood Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop the towel
you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops the towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,
her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that ?"

"It was Bob, our neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
<><>

A married couple is driving home along a highway doing a steady 60 Km
per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across
at her and speaks in a clear voice, "Darling," he says, "I know we have been
married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases
her speed to 70 km/h.

The husband speaks again, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it," he
says, " because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a
far better lover than you are.

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly ans
slowly increases the speed to 80 km/h.

He pushes it. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 90 km/h.

:I want the car too, " he continues/ Up to 100 km/h,

"And," he continues, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards,
and the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete flyover. (?)
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there
anything you want ?"

The wife at last replies, . . . in a quiet and controlled voice, "No, I've
everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really ?" he inquires, "so what have you got ?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 120 km/h, the wife turns to him
and smiles saying, "The airbag !!"
<><>

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one
bloke says to the other. "I can't help but think, from listening to you
that you are from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am."
The first bloke says, :So am I !. And where about in Ireland might
you be ?"
The other bloke answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first bloke responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what
street did you live io in Dublin ?"
The other bloke says, " A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary St.
in the old central part of town."

The first bloke says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what
school would you have been going ?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first bloke gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me when
did you graduate ?"
The other bloke answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."

The first bloke exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us !
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary' in 1964 my own self."

About this time, another bloke walks into the bar, sits down, and orders
a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's
going to be a long night, tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."
<><>

Defense Counsel : Will you please state your age ?
Little Old Lady : I am 86 years old.

Defense counsel : Will you please tell us in your own words,
what happened the bight of April 1st ?
Little Old Lady : There I was sitting in my swing on my front
porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes
creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Counsel : Did you know him ?
Little Old Lady : No, but he was friendly.

Defense Counsel : What happened after he sat down ?
Little Old Lady : He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Counsel : Did you try to stop him ?
Little Old Lady : No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Counsel : Why not ?
Little Old Lady : It felt good. Nobody had done that since my
Abner died, some thirty years ago.

Defense Counsel : What happened next ?
Little Old Lady : He began to rub my breasts.

Defanse Counsel : Did you stop him then ?
Little Old Lady : No, I did not stop him.

Defense Counsel : Why not ?
Little Old Lady : His rubbing made me feel all alive and
excited. I haven't felt that good in years.

Defense Counsel : What happened next ?
Little Old Lady : Well, by then, I was feeling 'spicy' so I just
laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me."

Defense Counsel : Did he take you ?
Little Old Lady : Hell no. He just yelled, "April Fool' And
that's when I shot the little ba****d.
<><>

Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on
their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive ?
<><>

A woman is standing naked before the bedroom mirror and says
to her husband, "I feel fat and saggy and ugly, Pay me a compliment."

Her husband says, "Your eyesight is blooming spot on.
<><>

And now a few quotes ~ ~ The first from my friend Janice ~ ~

The man who can laugh at himself will forever be amused.
~ ~ ~ Mark Twain. Thanks Janice.

Something different tonight ~~ I took down some calendars that
had nice words on them, so here goes ~~

Friends like you are special
You're so different from the rest,
On the friendship scal of one to ten
You'll always be the best.

Friends come and go into our life
But true friends stay,
and keep on caring for us,
through our life every day.
Whether the distance is in space or time,
I feel comfortable in knowing
that you are really a true
friend of mine.

True friendship is a jewel
A gift for us to hold,
Within our hearts for always
That we should treasure
more than gold.
<><>

I guess you figured it was a Friendship calendar, Only 9 more
months to go. Enough for this post. Take care my friends, and
be kind to each other. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 389 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 5th January, 2008.
<><><>





15 comments:

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

Whee...
I'm the first one to comment =D

"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends." HaHa! Now I know why I'm overweight =P

Just read about the flood in the eastern parts of your country. Please take care.

Praying for your loved ones who are staying near the flooded areas...

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- Those little joke lines from John were funnier when you put them on than the first time!
I'm going to send him back the line about the newlywed Irish couple.
Have a nice day (I figured out, when it's seven am. here you are at midnight).

I guess our eating has slowed down a little for moment. Mrs. Jim is about over a couple of hard weeks with some sort of crud. She finally went to the doctor Wednesday. Since I'm the chief cook and bottle washer right now there are hot dogs for me and soup for her. Microwaves are wonderful!
Cheers,
..

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
love the quotes from the friendship calendar.
Sorry to hear about the floods.
It is always a pleasure to visit.
Peace

Leann said...

Hi dear I dont have time to read today,but wanted to say hello and I have missed you.I been feeling so darn tired lately just havent had the gumtion to do much of anything.so this will be short.
I managed to post tday but comments will be few and far between for a few days unless I get some energy.
so keep me in your prays please.
sorry to hear its so darn hot there.if I could Id send you a few days of a winter wonder land.but cant.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
God bless.

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

As always , a fun post for us to read.

Take care in your hot weather!



Love,


June

Patty said...

Good evening Merle, you certainly have a lot of good ones today on your blog. I especially like this one: Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL." How true that is. Also like the lady driving the car, having her airbag and husband had none. Hope you had a great day today and hope tomorrow will be even nicer for you, also hope it isn't too hot. We almost had a heat wave, here it is almost 6:30pm and the temp outside is 40 degrees F. Just several days ago it was around 12 above. Sleep well my friend.

Michelle said...

Happy New Year Merle!

Raggedy said...

Happy New Year!
Great post!
I have missed reading you!
Huggles and Love dear friend!
Raggedy

Gattina said...

I heard in the News that it is so hot in your part of the world and even bush fires. And here it's raining and cold !
I loved the quotes, lol!
Today we celebrate Three Kings Day in Belgium, so come and have a slice of the "Galette" !

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad your grandchildren are safe from the floods. And it's actually warm right now in my corner of the good old USA. We're to have 70F today, quite a change from the freezing temperatures just a few days ago. I'm sure we'll go back to January weather soon, but I'm enjoying the warmth while it lasts.

Haha, I like the one about wrinkles not hurting! Thank goodness for that. Love the Mark Twain quote. And the little verse from the Friendship Calendar. I always enjoy visiting you.

Have a wonderful Sunday, dear Merle. And keep cool!

Love and Blessings,

Renie

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Whistling is good. When a pastored in a small and economically depressed community, I whistled whenever I walked anywhere. Lots of comments were made about my whistling, the most prominent being “What do you have to be happy about in this town?” But I kept whistling and soon noticed other folks were also whistling.

Have a great week, Merle.

Jeanette said...

Hi Happy New Year Dear Merle. Just popped in while getting emails I still have Visitors I think im loosing them all by end of next weekend then ill have time to update.Great Jokes and love your Friendship quotes. Take Care will be back soon as I get a Chance... Love Jan.

Pearl said...

Oh my I will say a prayer for your grandchildren...The weather has just been very strange lately. Hope they are safe.

I can't believe it is 2008!! All the best to you my friend.

Hugs,

mreddie said...

Did enjoy the gentle thoughts for today. :) The Spice and I both chuckled at the $800 dollar towel. ec

daffy said...

Merle, the words in 'Old Age is a Gift' are so very wonderful. It brought a lump to throat. My mum would have loved to have been 'old'. Thank you and take care. xx