Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Blessings.

Post 412 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 19th February, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ Another very warm day here, and I have
been for my fortnightly shopping trip. So the fridge and the
cupboards are all stocked up again. I hope all is going well
for you all wherever you are and whatever you are doing.


I like this cartoon which can be se
on my friend Joy 's blog. It always

makes me smile.
You can meet Joy at her blog.

Now to find something to post. My dear friend Jeanette
sent me this one about Blessings.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means
you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Each and everyone of us go through tough times, sometimes,
But God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He
can. Keep the faith.

I was asked to choose people I wanted to bless, so I chose all
my blogger friends. Please pass it on to those you want blessed.

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we
receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue
to pray for one another.

The prayer :

Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those I
care deeply for; who are reading this right now. Show them
a new revelation of your love and power.

Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very
moment.

Where there is pain
, give them your peace and mercy.

Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence
through your grace.

Where there is need, I ask you to fulfil their needs.
Bless their homes, families, finances, their comings and
goings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

<><><>

Time for jokes ~ ~ ~

My friend Warren sent this first lot. Thanks Warren.

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun sitting at her desk
grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight
face and maintain her composure !

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you are
even remotely familiar with Holy Scripture, you'll find this
hilarious ! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School test.
Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments.
The following statements about the Bible were written by
children. They have not been retouched or corrected and
incorrect spelling has been left in. Enjoy.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built the Ark
and the animals came on in Pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but
a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any
ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After-
wards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the
Ten Commandments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is Thou shall not admit
adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . . then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle the bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing
the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people
who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the Mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side
arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do
unto others before they do one to you. He also explained
a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the
twelve Decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the aposttles.

23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also
a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy
acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called
Monotony.
<><>


One from my friend of long standing, Barbara.
Thank you Barbara. Hope all is well.

The Computer Swallowed Nana.

The computer swallowed Nana, yes honestly it's true
She pressed "control" and "enter" and disappeared
from view.

It devoured her completely, the thought just makes
me squirm
She must have caught a virus and been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin and files of every kind
I've even used the internet, but nothing did I find.

In desperation I asked Yahoo my searches to refine
The reply from him was negative, not a thing was found "online."

So, if inside your "inbox", my Nana you should see
Please "copy" and "paste" her and send her back to me.

This is a tribute to all the Grandmas and all the Nanas
who have been fearless, And learned to use the
"Computer". They are the greatest.
<><>

One day a man stranded on a desert island for over ten years,
sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck
gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities
of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the
surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a
wet-suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and say to him, "Tell me,
how long has it been since you had a cigarette ?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches
over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and
pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one and lights
it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man. Is that good !"


"And how long since you had a sip of bourbon ?"
she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies, 10 years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a
flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a
long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic !"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper
that runs down the front of her wet-suit, looks at the man
seductively and asks, "And how long since you've played
around ?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs,
"Oh, sweet Jesus ! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in
there too ??"
<><>

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day their passions overcame them and they took off
to her house, where they made passionate love all
afternoon.
Exhausted after the wild session, they fell asleep,
awakening around 8 pm/ As the man threw on his
clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and
rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she
none-the-less complied. He slipped into his shoes and
drove home.

"Where have you been ?" demanded his wife when he
entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair
with my secretary, and I've been making love to her
all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake until 8 pm."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, " You
lying b*****d ! You've been playing golf !!"
<><>

Mother, in holiday apartment : "Sarah, can you wash
up the dishes ?"
Sarah : "But we don't have any rubber gloves. You
know that water isn't very good for my skin."
Mother : Is that why you spent most of the day in the
sea ?"
<><>

Wendy's mother came home one day having bought
a fur coat.
"Mum, how could you ?" asked Wendy, looking at
the coat with anguish. "Some poor dumb beast has
had to suffer so you could have that coat."

Wendy's mother snapped, "How dare you call your
father a dumb beast !!"
<><>
A few quotes ~ ~ ~

An optimist is a person who sees a green light every-
where, while the pessimist sees only the red stop
light. The truly wise person is color-blind.
~ ~ ~ Albert Schweitzer.

The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. ~ ~ William Shakespeare.

There is a tide in the life of men, Which taken
at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.~ ~Shakespeare.

Parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good-night till it be tomorrow.
~ ~ ~ William Shakespeare.
<><>

And that is where I will leave it for tonight my friends.
Take care of yourselves and each other. It's time to
close the gates and get something to eat. My love and
very best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 412 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 19th February, 2008.
<><><>


13 comments:

HORIZON said...

Hello Dear Merle.
Lovely to be back reading your posts. Love the new photograph at the top- are you the bride?
Liked the kids take on the bible bits- very funny. l think the 'twelve Decibels' got me.
I'm starting to feel much better now. Thank you for your kind words. Hope you have been keeping well.
I can just imagine you going out to shut your gate. Glad you've got the shopping done- always a good feeling to fill up the fridge and cupboards.
much love
sarah

Gattina said...

Lucky you ! still warm weather ! I can't complain for the moment we have wonderful but cold weather a very blue sky and sunshine but only 2° ! Still another 2 or 3 months to wait and it will get better (and for you automn will start probably) I loved your bible quotes, lol !

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hey my sweet friend....thank you so much for the nice mention. I've been meaning to tell you....I just love that little black cat widget you have on your sidebar. I've been trying to figure out how to put him on my sidebar, but haven't had any success. He's so cute.

I wish I could say we were having some nice warm weather Merle; but it's darn right freezing here. I think it's about 4 degrees right now. We may even get some snow flurries. I'm SOOOOO ready for some nicer weather...we all are.

Take care my wonderful friend....and thank you again for your thoughtfulness.... Love, Joy

Patty said...

Good evening Merle,
Once again some great jokes, love the children, they say out of the mouths of babes, and it's so true.

Not much of anything new around here. Just the usual stuff, cooking, cleaning, doing dishes, laundry, dusting, and playing at my computer.

Hope you have a wonderful evening. It is cold here, 17 above zero at the moment. Have a good night's sleep.
Your blogging buddy,
Patty

Kerri said...

Hello dear Merle. I love that cartoon too :) Kids say some hilarious things, don't they? I'd like to hear Mary sing the Magna Carta :)
Thanks for the prayer too and blessings to you! I'm glad to hear you're doing well.

Lady Di Tn said...

I am sorry but if I had been the Nun I would never have kept a straight face and I would have had to horse laugh out loud. Another good one. Peace

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

What a beautiful prayer. Thank you for passing it on. I copied and pasted it and will pass it on as well.

The children's papers about the Bible are hilarious, indeed! "Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony!" Hahaha. I'd better not say this one is right! Hahaha. All the jokes were great again. And I love the quotes quotes, especially Albert Schweitzer's one about being color blind.

A visit with you is always like a ray of sunshine. Blessings, dear Merle!

Love, Renie

Dave said...

Great post Merle!

The Catholic School Test had me ROLLING!!!

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Love all your jokes its hard picking a favorite tonight,, Love the kids sayings.
great Quotes..
Im of to bed just woke from a doze on the lounge, I feel a bit tired, maybe all the fasting and running around with tests,, take care,, stay well hope you get good results, Love Jan

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the ryming Nana poem that was fun to read. But I didn't understand the one with the girl Sarah who was didn't want to do the dishes but was in the sea all day?

Janice~

linda may said...

G'Day Merle,
The weather here is about the same as yours. Building up to rasin , hopefully tonight so it is humid as well today.
Loved the kids answers. I was sitting up here having a goo laugh at that.

linda may said...

Opps I meant to spell rain!

audrey` said...

Amen!
God bless and keep you too, Merle =)