Sunday, February 17, 2008

Time.

Post 411 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 17th February, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~~I hope the world is treating you well,
and I have no complaints. I have had a nice restful
day, which was pleasant, but warmer.(read hotter)

The picture tonight was sent by my friend Lady Di and
is called "Purple Hat." Thanks Di, I like it.

























Yesterday, was a good day for me. John called in for a
while. And then, I watched my football team, Carlton have
their first win since last July. The boys were so enthusiastic
and played well to beat Port Adelaide by 15 points.

These are pre season games and the real thing starts shortly,
so hope these Blue Boys keep up the good work. The best
thing for me is we have obtained the best player for our team,
and he wasn't playing yesterday.

At present, I am watching Australia playing cricket against
India and so far, so good. Looks promising !! We won.

I have a small verse about Time for you tonight. I have
had this on my fridge for years, and they read it at
Princess Diana's funeral service.

Time is too slow for those who wait;

too swift for those who fear;

too long for those who grieve;

too short for those who rejoice;

but for those who love . . .time is eternity.

~ ~ ~ Henry Van Dyke.
<><><>

Time for jokes ~ ~ first some I got from the papers.

Words with two meanings ~ ~ ~

Thingy :
Female : Any part under a car bonnet (hood)
Male : The fastener on a woman's bra.

Communication :
Female : Fully opening up one's self emotionally
to another.
Male : Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing
trip with the boys.

Commitment :
Female : A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male : Trying not to hit on another woman while
out with this one.

Entertainment :
Female : A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male : Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

Making Love :
Female : The greatest expression of intimacy a couple
can achieve.
Male : Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

Remote Control :
Female : A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male : A device for scanning through all 375 channels every
five minutes.
<><>
Some Billy Connolly Quotes ~ ~

My parents used to take me to Lewis' Department store in
Glasgow. They were skinflints, they used to take me to the
pet department and tell me it was the Zoo.

Never trust a man who, when left in a room with a tea cozy,
doesn't try it on.

Save the trees ?? Trees are the main cause of forest fires.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that
who cares ? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

The great thing about Glasgow is if there's a nuclear attack,
It'll look exactly the same afterwards.

Scottish Americans tell you that if you want to identify
tartans, it's easy. You simply look under the kilt, and if it's a
quarter pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
<><>

This one came from my friend Connie. Thank you Connie.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old
woman had a shoe box in her closet that she had cautioned her
husband never to open or ask her about it.

For all those years, he never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of
money totally $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married,"
she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue. She told me if I got angry with you, I should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only
two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with
him twice in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all this
money ? Where did it come from ?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
<><>

A Prayer . . . .
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods;

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.
<><><>

My ex sister-in -law and dear friend Jacqui sent me this one
and although I have posted it before, it is worth a re-run.
Thanks Jacqui. Hi Walter.

An older lady gets pulled up for speeding.
Older woman : Is there a problem Officer ?

Officer : Ma'am you were speeding.

Older Woman : Oh I see.

Officer : Can I see your license please ?

Older Woman : I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer : Don't have one ?

Older Woman : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer : I see.. Can I see your vehicle registration papers ?

Older Woman : I can't do that.

Officer : Why not ?

Older Woman : I stole this car.

Officer : Stole it ?

Older Woman : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer : You what ?

Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
if you want to see.

The officer looks at the w
oman and slowly backs away to his
car and calls for back-up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2 : Ma'am could you step out of your vehicle please.

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman : Is there a problem sir ?

Officer 2 : One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner.

Older woman : Murdered the owner ?

Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?

The Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.

Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am ?

Older Woman : Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2 : One of my officers claims that you do not have
a driving license.


The woman digs in her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse
and hands it to the officer. He examines it and looks quite
puzzled.

Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you
didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered the owner.

Older Woman :
Bet the liar told you I was speeding too !!!

Don't Mess with Old Ladies !!
<><><>

The boss of a big company needed to c
all one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of his main computers. He
dialled the employees house and was greeted by a child's
whispered, "Hello."

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home ?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him ?"
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered "No."

Wanting to talk to an adult, he asked, " Is your Mummy
there ?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her ?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be
left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a
message with the person who should be there, looking after
the child.
"Is there anyone else there besides you ?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman."

Wondering whay a policeman would be doing at his employees
home, he asked, " May I speak with the policeman ?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what ?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and
Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered reply.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece of the phone,
the boss asked, "What is that noise ?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there ?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The
search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than a little frustrated, the
boss asked, "What are they searching for ?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle, "ME."
<><>

A travel agent looked up from his desk one day to see
an older lady and gentleman peering in the shop window
at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around
the world. He had had a good week and the dejected couple
gave him a rare feeling og generosity.

He called them into his shop. "I know that on your pension
you could never hope to have a holiday, so I'm sending you
off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no
for an answer.

He took them inside and asked his secretary to book 2 flights
and book a room for two in a five star hotel. They, as can be
expected, gladly accepted and were off.

About a month later the little old lady came into his shop.
"And how did you enjoy your holiday :" he asked her.

The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But one thing puzzled me. Who was
that old man I had to share a room with ?"
<><>

A few quotes as usual ~ ~ ~

Men learn while they teach. ~ ~ ~ Seneca.

Ah. The clock is always slow. It's later than you think.
~ ~ ~ Robert William Service.

Praising what is lost.. Makes remembrance dear.
~ ~ ~ William Shakespeare.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
That are dreamt of in your philosophy.~ Shakespeare.

Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing
thee to thy rest. ~ ~ ~ Shakespeare.

O, Wind
, If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind ?
~ ~ ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley.


That is it for tonight my friends. I hope you found
something of interest or had a chuckle or two. Take
great care as we head towards another week. Have
you noticed how February is slipping away on us ?
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 411 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 17th February, 2008.
<><><>

14 comments:

Hootin' Anni said...

G'day Merle....I know it's been a while since I've stopped to post a comment. But I do drop by often to read what's going on in your life and always happy to hear that things are well and 'no complaints'

But today, I had to drop a line to tell you I loved the Scottish Americans...I can actually see me testing that to see if it really is a McDonald. LOL

And the old lady driving...um speeding? That is funny.

Hope your weekend has treated you well my friend. Hugs!!!

mreddie said...

My MIL gets very excited by baseball, the Atlanta Braves, and really fusses at the manager on TV when they lose. I found the differences in male/female definitions a real hoot - much truth there. :) ec

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

I've just finished talking to Steve on the phone so I have a big smile on my face now...he finally had his surgery today (after it was canceled yesterday) and is hoping to be going home tomorrow. Then the long process of healing begins!! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

We've been having freezing rain all day so everything is covered in ice. It's supposed to go up to 6c tomorrow which is mild for this time of year but then it will dip right back down again. It's been such a weird winter here so far!

Always a pleasure to come visit you and read your jokes and stories...I always leave laughing! lol Love the words with two meanings! hehe

Take care dear friend!! xoxo

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I think your paper was hard on Glasgow. Those two you picked out were mean.
Cheers,
..

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

That little whispering girl was a little stinker.

I hope you are having a nice weekend, tomorrow (monday) is Presidents day(us), and a day off for my husband and daughter.

Janice~

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

It's so nice to know that your football team, Carlton, won.
Yeah!
Well done.

Take care, my friend.
(((HUGS)))

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

The purple hat picture is lovely.

Is football is Australia like American football? Or is it more like soccer? Just curious about that.

Words with two meanings is right on! Haha. Funny story about tartans and quarterpounders, although I don't quite get it. LOL. Cute story about the old lady crocheting dolls. Love the quotes!

I have enjoyed my visit, as always. Hope it cools off a bit for you, and warms up a bit more for me. Have a blessed day, dear Merle.

Love,

Renie

Jeanette said...

Oh Dear Merle you gave me a big laugh tonight.. Loved the Crochet dolls cant make up my mind the crochet dolls or the Lady and the officer,,,great Quotes also.love Janxoxo

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad you enjoyed the picture. I would like a hat like that myself.
Another great post and thanks for posting a little for all of us.
Peace

sma said...

I always let your blog at the end of my daily journey on the internet.
You know why.
To have a nice reading and a big smile on my face going to bed:).
I noticed this tonight:
"for those who love . . .time is eternity"
Love,Sma

daffy said...

I love that you love your sport! I do too! I hope your boys can continue winning. A very lovely entry Merle as ever. Just what I need to help me unwind!
Loved the picture too! She looks very demure in her purple hat!
xxxx Stay Cool! ;o)

Patty said...

Sorry I'm getting around so late today, have been really busy. As usual, you had a lot of funny stuff. I especially like the crocheted dolls

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

It's ok =)
I understand.
Yeah. You're right.
Facebook can be very time-consuming.
It's very addictive.
HeHe!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I think that Lady Di’s drawing is wonderful. It reminds me of something, uh, French perhaps.